Teaching Assistant yelling at my child...?

[heartbroken22]

Dd 6 came home yesterday bursting out crying and not herself as TA yelled at her quite badly in lesson. This may have been the 5th occasion in the past month she's been picked on but yesterday was quite bad. Her friends had to ask her if she was okay as she was shaken up and humiliated. She said she felt her personal space was invaded and the yelling was quite loud.

Who would I complain too? Would you rather email or phone the school? I don't really want to speak to the teaching assistant directly but maybe someone from safeguarding...

No wonder teachers are leaving. I think parents are actually the problem with schools. Rather than talking to someone you want to complain and speak to safeguarding rather than get the whole picture. Maybe your little darling is actually a little shit.

@heartbroken22 why not just speak to the teacher at drop off or pick up? (Or ask whoever does the school runs?)

Yelling isn’t quite loud.
You don’t know she’s being picked on or that it was quite bad.
You ask the teacher what happened.

Regarding a 6 year old using words like this - yeah some kids can.

My 7 year old is extremely eloquent - my other older kids were not like this. It also makes it incredibly difficult to chastise her as she uses her words to make me feel like shit. She can also beat her older sister in an argument because her put downs are way sharper 😬

OP have a chat with the teacher and see what happened.

Go ahead but don’t complaint when another child ‘isn’t disciplined properly’ for doing something to disrupt your child

Jumping straight to safeguarding is bonkers without talking to the teacher and finding out what actually happened - or are you saying you think the class teacher is complicit in the TA 'picking' on your child, which sounds quite implausible.

Whilst your child may not be a reliable witness, whilst working in schools I have seen teachers, TAs and supply's talking to children in an unacceptable manner and getting right up in their faces, in each incident I reported to the Head and Head of Department and staff, often with a history of similar behaviour were suspended and / or not offered another supply position. One supply told a suicidal student with complex issues that it "would be no loss if they did it". I'm talking at Secondary school level and yes, the children had been pushing the boundaries but nobody should be yelled at in that way and is a demonstration of a loss of control.

I'd put money on the fact that if the TA did in fact yell the school have been plying on responsibilities beyond the TAs ability (and pay level) in the view of cost saving like full class supervision. I would have a chat with the class teacher BUT I would also put the incident in writing to the Head, it may be something and add to a larger picture or it may be a misunderstanding but the Head should know and I wouldn't rely on the class teacher mentioning it.

Phone or email the school and see if you can go in and talk through what happened and if there are issues you aren't aware of. Regardless of what happened it's not great if a child comes home upset and the school needs to be aware of that. There are better ways of dealing with things than shouting.

Do you know what happened in the lead up? Was your child misbehaving?

@PurpleBugz
You should have made a formal complaint to the school about an unprofessional member of staff not disclosing a serious event to which she was a witness.
That's really shocking and the TA would know that by gossiping to you, while withholding the information from the school, S/he was putting your child at risk.

I agree.

In what capacity were you in these schools where so much abuse was going on?

Yeah, this. It's the 6th time she's been told off in a month?! Would you not rather find out why she keeps getting into trouble?!

Also, no 6 yo says that their "personal space has been invaded"

Jesus Christ she is 6

Have a day off

@ASighMadeOfStone it was an extremely challenging school, one I had received sexual harassment and even rape threats from students. Disadvantaged area, big County Lines problems etc teachers under huge pressure. Teaching children that had been arrested at the weekend for carrying knives etc etc. I worked as both teaching and support staff over my many years there and generally the behaviour towards students were male staff, largely supply and more often than not older 'old' school teachers that believed a good telling off was all that was needed, the worst case of shouting I heard was a member of SLT vs a year 11, both 6ft and the closed office door didn't hide the bollocking, It was like a Sgt major going at a new recruit. It was also a school where a member of SLT thought it was fine to call the female teachers 'babe' so toxic masculinity in all directions. The school was lovely when I first started years and years ago and didn't have anywhere near as many behaviour issues as it does now and has gone in a 20 year period of being the best in the area to the one everyone avoids despite a 'Good' Ofsted rating.

Perhaps what those kids really did need was very strong boundaries to prevent them going off the rails and ending up dead or killing someone and in the place of funding and actual support and an environment that meets their actual needs a good telling off was a free way of doing it but I don't think that's ok. I don't work in schools anymore and had a career change.

@Barefootsally 6 year olds are incapable of being shits ?

What was your child told off for?

The 5th occasion she's been picked on. Interesting choice of words- picked on not told off. You have already decided your dc has done nothing wrong. I would put money on the TA just using a strong tone not raising her voice. Op I think if you approach the school, it should be to see what is going on with your dc's behaviour and how you can support your dc.

Oh sorry - can 6 year olds not be naughty?

I have heard this so many times before.

My child keeps being ‘picked on’.
The teacher/TA screamed at them.
My very young child used these extremely adult phrases to explain how they felt.

Or, is it more like…

The child keeps doing something wrong-arguing back, being unkind to others, not getting on with their work, calling out.

The teacher/TA told them off (not yelling/screaming or shouting, but in a tone that the child didn’t like) and they were angry/upset/embarrassed at being told off.

The child has come home and told their ‘version’ of events which the parent has projected their own issues onto (personal space was being invaded).

What was the child doing that they were told off for?

She's been 'picked on' 5 times in the last month?
I think I'd be more worried about getting to the bottom of any potential behavioural issues from your DD than going in all guns blazing. I would hazard a guess that the TA used a firm voice. Sometimes they have to.

Please remember that what your child says isn’t gospel.

I doubt a teacher would have told her off for no reason at all, especially 5 times!

and when she says she was shouted at it could have been a stern word instead.

I would speak to her main teacher and not go in all guns blazing. Ask if she’s behaving ok in class and if there’s anything you can do to support.

Good idea.

Get both sides of the story and just frame it as you're concerned about the fact DD is coming home upset etc etc

I was once a supply teacher for the day in a school where the TA in the class was, quite frankly, bullying this poor class of 8 year olds. I wrote to the Head afterwards to complain, but no idea if anything was done about it. In any case, TAs are not all perfect, and I'd take this further. (I also have come across 90% amazing and lovely TAs, but it's not always the case.)

I was repeatedly picked on by a TA when I was a child throughout my primary school years and at one point she took me out of the classroom to bend down and really scream in my face for something I didn't do while I stood there crying hysterically. Sounds dramatic but I still have nightmares of this teacher occasionally. I was not a naughty or disruptive child, I was shy and quiet and couldn't even speak in front of my class.

Yes there will be situations which other posters have said about children misbehaving and being told off in a stern voice which they call being shouted at but there are cruel teachers out there and children do remember.