Teaching Assistant yelling at my child...?

[heartbroken22]

Dd 6 came home yesterday bursting out crying and not herself as TA yelled at her quite badly in lesson. This may have been the 5th occasion in the past month she's been picked on but yesterday was quite bad. Her friends had to ask her if she was okay as she was shaken up and humiliated. She said she felt her personal space was invaded and the yelling was quite loud.

Who would I complain too? Would you rather email or phone the school? I don't really want to speak to the teaching assistant directly but maybe someone from safeguarding...

If you actually want something done, ask to speak to the deputy or head. The teacher does not like manage the TA and will only pass it on to them anyway. It doesn't have to be accusatory, you can explain you understand your child isn't doing the right thing but want to clarify what the behaviour policy is.

Yes, I was confused by a 6 year old referring to 'invasion of personal space', too.

I'd want to have a quiet chat with the teacher to get to the bottom of what happened - I find it a bit surprising that a teaching professional would tolerate that in a primary school classroom.

I would ask your dd what happened before the TA shouted at her so you have all her side of the story.
I would then ask her teacher for a quick chat- not complaining but asking what’s been happening in class as your dd keeps coming home crying and upset about the TA.
Personally I wouldn’t complain until I had the full story and the teacher may be able to provide you with more information and then speak to her TA about it.

As a teacher myself I could easily move the TA to support another group, move her to work at another table or if TA is assisting your child then I can speak to management and explain the situation. I wouldn’t allow my TA to shout at children in my class and would remind her that any behavioural issues should be left to me. (Not saying your child has any behavioural issues)

You say this isn't the first time? What happened and what did you do previously?

Because 99.9% if the time, the kid is not an accurate or reliable witness about certain events. Especially when it's a time they are being told off or not getting what they want. 🤷‍♀️

My child is similar age and will go "you just shouted at me and were mean!" When all I had done was actually said "No, you can't have X, stop asking. " in a firm voice after having being asked for X for the umpteenth time.

My sister works in primary school, and the mis-remembering /incorrect interpretation of events by children is high.

It's not that they are lying, they just interpret and report differently.

And it's absolutely not saying OP child is lying, perhaps the child was and has been shouted at, but to go in guns blazing is not the correct approach as a first step.

First step is to find out from child what led up to "shouting".

Its not a safeguarding issue. Start by just talking to the teacher, ask what happened, don't go in guns blazing and unless your child is in year 6 not 6 years old don't talk about her personal space being invaded, saying she was upset and in tears id enough. If you're unhappy after that you can escalate to the head of year or deputy head depending on school structure.

@PurpleBugz if you worked with chn this age you’d be saying the same. Nobody is saying nothing happened, just speak to the teacher and check the facts.

Yes they do learn about personal space in pshe.

You definitely need to have a meeting with the teacher.

To ask what is happening with your child's behaviour that she is being reprimanded so harshly by a member of staff.

I'd imagine it won't quite be that the TA is picking on her, invading her space, or doing anything else other than that which any member of staff is expected to do when children are behaving badly.

You need to speak to the teacher.

We did have an episode last year where we felt a TA was too strict with my y4 daughter (she came home upset about it and when I spoke to the teacher the next day she already knew what I was going to say and it was dealt with quickly with no other occurrences afterwards).

You do need to find out what has happened first. Is your daughter misbehaving? Do others report this has happened too?

If the TA actually did say this, why did she not go to the Head about it? Massive safeguarding fail there.

No 6 year old child would use the language the op has written.

Talk to the teacher first with an open mind. Listen to the adult version of events.
This is not safeguarding.

Why is your first instinct to complain about the TA, rather than to hear their side of what happened? Perhaps they "yelled", or perhaps they spoke firmly to stop your child disrupting others or doing something dangerous.

So rather than try and find out why your child is needing to be told off so much, you are going straight to complaining to the school?

Is it any wonder we have a generation of entitled children…

"She felt" is an important phrase here. I completely agree with PPs that there is a good chance that the TA was being completely reasonable. But that doesn't negate how the child feels. Explaining this to the TA, or another member of staff, is fine. Claiming a safeguarding risk is unreasonable.

Some children are more sensitive than others, and that's ok to relay to staff. They can still tell her off though.

It comes to something If a child can’t even be verbally reprimanded by school staff without the parents being up in arms about it! Your child may have been invading a classmate’s space, or behaving in a disruptive way, or doing something dangerous, just bear that in mind….

@greengreyblue yes! They do learn about personal space in pshe!

I'll be giving the school a phone call.

You don’t jump straight to complaining, you enquire.

Some 6 year olds feel like they’ve been shouted at when all they’ve heard is a raised voice. There are likely to have been warnings.

Has your child learned not to do whatever it was she was being told off for? Or ar you teaching her that she can do what she wants in class and the adult isn’t allowed to tell her off. Or worse, are you teaching her that a teacher is allowed to tell her off but not a TA?

Shouted or a raised loud voice if wasn't listening

Ask your 6yr what she was doing. And what was she meant to be doing

By all means ask but don't go all guns blazing till spoken to ta and teacher

The first step is to speak to the class teacher to ascertain what has happened. They may not be able to answer immediately if they weren't present but should be able to get back to you quite soon having spoken to the staff in school.

If you aren't happy with that response then you go up a step - in a primary school this may well be the headteacher.

There's not much point in missing the class teacher step out as if you go straight to the head, the first thing they will need to do is ask the class teaching team anyway.

In a primary school the safeguarding team is often the head teacher and then the deputies could be teaching staff anyway, even the class teacher.

no, those are lines that have been fed to the child, clearly

Secondary students accuse me of shouting at them when I've firmly asked them to be quiet. Kids interpret things differently.

You don't need a phonecall, talk to the teacher on the door unless you don't do drop offs.

just ask the teacher and TA why she was told off?

"safeguarding" is an insane response!

School staff tells off child - surely the first assumption is child was in need of telling off??

Before you go in all guns blazing, I'd be asking the TA for their side of the story first.