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Friend has dropped me since I told her I am to have a grandchild

176 replies

Helensburghmiddleagedmum · 11/06/2024 16:10

Just as it says in the title, my closest friend who I see at least once a week and am in contact with by phone and messenger has dropped me like a ton of bricks now that I am to have a grandchild.

To give you a bit of background, she is 10 years older me and has two sons who both still live at home with her and her husband (they are 35 and 37) and have never had a relationship. She thinks this is wonderful, they are all so independent she says, they all contribute, help with paying the council tax, doing a share of the cooking etc. She has always said she is glad she won't have grandchildren as she doesn't want the responsibility. I have always said to her that I would love grandchildren and that I think that both of my sons would love a family.

Anyway, one of my son's and his partner are 20 weeks pregnant and I told my friend the good news over a week ago. We were at another event together on Sunday and I announced my good news to our mutual group of friends and my friend just got up, walked away from the table, and didn't come back for 15 minutes.

I suspect she is jealous, that she does really want grandchildren and that she is upset. I have been waiting for her to message me, like she always does, at the beginning of the week, for us to get together later in the week for a coffee/lunch. She is retired and is busy doing other things so our arrangement is that she lets me know when suits her. But, this week there is nothing.

So, what do I do? Do I contact her or is that putting her under pressure when she doesn't actually want to see me at the moment? Or do I leave her for a while to get used to the news?

OP posts:
Amendment · 18/06/2024 14:55

If people can judge you as not being a nice person or friend then they have very strange relationships. How can this "friend" not be concerned she's upset you?

Because friendship goes two ways, and this is a long-established close friendship of many years and presumably depths of affection. If a friend reacts weirdly to something, the response of a good friend is not to flounce about their behaviour, or sit back and wait for them to apologise, but to check they're OK, and take it from there.

It's hardly surprising so many Mumsnetters struggle with friendships when what's modelled on here seems to be either craven people-pleasing or an end of the world-style over-reaction to fairly minor things.

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