Not going to have grandchildren- do what you want?

[Tumbleweed101]

My children have decided they don’t want children. I’m a little sad as I’d have liked some grandchildren however does this mean I can move into the next stage of life guilt free? Move where I want, do what I want away from my children. I’ve been a single mum for 13 years. My eldest children are mid 20s and youngest are 18 and 15. Obviously I still need to care for youngest a few more years but am I wrong to start making plans? Anyone else with adult children not wanting their own children? Have you put plans in place? Most of my peers have grandchildren so they are tied up helping with them so wondered what free 50s are doing.

I highly doubt that an 18yo and a 15yo especially have made the final decision on whether or not to have kids. Wait and see.

Your youngest is 15...they may well have children despite what they say at the moment. Fwiw, I don't think it's grandchildren which would hold you back but more the fact that housing costs mean kids stay at home for a long time these days.

I think putative future grandchildren are irrelevant. You only have one life, so live it! Lots of people live a fair distance from grandparents and it's absolutely fine. So, yes, do whatever you want.

I don’t have grandchildren but my children haven’t said they will not be having them. Tbh it’s entirely their decision and I do wonder how on earth people afford to have them nowadays.
It’s really not my business so I’m not bothered either way.
I would hate to be one of those parents who feels it’s their right to be a grandparent. They usually turn out to be the worst kind of grandparent anyway.
As for moving away, of course you can when time ya right for you.

Sounds like a massive overreaction of some sort to me. Your youngest are 18 and 15. I don’t think you can be sure they have made that decision for life just yet. What 15 year knows for sure if they do or don’t want children?! Having said that, you planning what you want in life is never a bad idea.

I was adamant I was not going to have children, the idea was crazy, I couldn't imagine anything worse to do with my life. Until I was about 28 then I really wanted a family. Have two dc but honestly could have had loads if pregnancies were easier and money was no object.

At 15 I imagined I'd have a perfect stereotypical family - married with 2.4 kids 😂. At 18 I assumed it would happen one day but genuinely no I interest in kids. At 21 I believed I would never be able to have kids. At 35 I gave birth to my daughter. At 37, my second child is due to arrive. YABU to base you future on the basis of no grandchildren solely on what a 15 and 18 year old think.

Mid 20s, 18 and 15?

Eh, I think the odds are that one of them will reproduce.

By all means plan for the next stage of your life but to be so certain that a 15 year old and 18 year old will remain resolute in their decision to remain childfree seems foolish.

At 19 I told my mum I wasn’t having dc… I ended up having 3. Far too early to rule out grandchildren.

My DC are 27 and 36. I know I won't have any blood related grandchildren. DD (36) said around 10 years ago that if she wanted children she would adopt. Now she is 36 and loves travelling, her job and very active lifestyle with lots of interests and hobbies.
DS is gay and says he would like to adopt with his partner.
I have to admit I am not disappointed. I worked in childcare for almost 30 years and honestly don't mind not having children in my life again. I am 64 though and not up to chasing them around any more.

At 15/18/early 20s I didn't want children. Hell even when I fell pregnant with my first (late 20s) I was unsure!

They may change their minds, but you can still make plans for yourself. You've no obligation to provide regular babysitting/childcare or anything like that.

DD has just ended a 4 1/2 relationship because he wanted children and she didn’t, DS girlfriend has health issues which mean it would be quite difficult both physically and emotionally to conceive, so am having to accept that I won’t have DGC.

I know it’s not my life or my right but still can’t help feeling a little sad, which doesn’t make me a bad person, just a slightly disappointed one.

I of course support my DC in any life decisions that they make. I also know that DGC are not the be all and end all but still ……

They are young yet! You should still make plans for being a free 50 something though :)

Im unlikely to have any. My plans are the same. Why would they be any different if my children has children?

My only DD is 6 and adamant that she will not marry and will not have children. Instead she is going to get 2 cats.

Knowing my daughter I will not be surprised if this actually happens.

Just enjoy the time before they come and save this post for your future self so you can have a chuckle!

I would be seriously worried if a 15 or 18 year old said they DID want children.

They might change their mind in the next 30 years.

What is this all about really?

Wow I was expecting you to say your DC were already in their 30s. Sounds like you have something in mind that you want to do with your life? Relocation?

I didn't want any children when I was 30. Then I had them. That's incredibly common, so don't be too dramatic about it. You have a lot of children and will almost certainly have a grandchild in time.

You think that an 18 year old and a 15 year old have made a decision about such a huge subject, and it’s definitely the decision which will stick forever? It might. It also might not. I’d say same chances either way.

But that’s a moot point. Do whatever you want. If grandkids come along and you want to be close to them then you move back or whatever you want.

In my mid twenties I couldn’t think of much worse than having children. By my mid thirties I was stressed that it would never happen.

That’s deeply weird. Are you saying you were going to sacrifice the rest of your life for the sake of grandchildren, but now that your children, including two who are still teenagers, say they’re not planning to have any, you’re flouncing?

Supposing your children all had their children in different countries? Are you going to dash about offering childcare? Suppose your fifteen year old has a child, like me, shortly before his/her fortieth birthday? Weren’t you planning to celebrate a new kind of independence after your children left home anyway, regardless of grandchildren?

My husband didn't want kids when he was younger - we have 3!

@Tumbleweed101 , I read that you expected your children to have children and now they are all saying they don’t want them. Your children are still young there is much time for them to change their minds. I just spent a very lovely evening with my younger son and his two girls. He always said he didn’t want children.
Make your preparation’s it’s your life but don’t write off the prospect of being a grandmother just yet. X

I didn't want kids at 15 either 😂 By all means do what you want in life, but don't bank on your teenage children sticking to their current plans.

Someone I know was absolutely adamant she didn't want children. Had a fabulous lifestyle, worked abroad, travelled extensively, partied, married to a DJ. She's now pregnant with her first at 40.