Not going to have grandchildren- do what you want?

[Tumbleweed101]

My children have decided they don’t want children. I’m a little sad as I’d have liked some grandchildren however does this mean I can move into the next stage of life guilt free? Move where I want, do what I want away from my children. I’ve been a single mum for 13 years. My eldest children are mid 20s and youngest are 18 and 15. Obviously I still need to care for youngest a few more years but am I wrong to start making plans? Anyone else with adult children not wanting their own children? Have you put plans in place? Most of my peers have grandchildren so they are tied up helping with them so wondered what free 50s are doing.

Realistically it's impossible to plan for the future to this extent because anything could happen. Just live your life, enjoy it. You only get one after all. There's no point trying to mould your life around hypothetical grandchildren (or a hypothetical lack of them).

My daughter is 16 and has told me she's adamant she doesn't want children, is going to start pursuing sterilisation as soon as a doctor will consider her, has very little interest in boys or relationships. She wants to travel and then train to become a world class chef. I support her wholeheartedly because she's my daughter, of course I do. But am I going to plan my entire future around the timeline a 16yo has planned out for herself? No.

Do what you want OP and what will be will be. Take up a hobby make new friends whatever. You've a few more years of parenting left so who knows what life will be like then. The worst result would be 'my kids all want kids some day so I need to be there for them' and waste 15 years of good health waiting around just in case they need you.

From your OP, it appears that you have at least 4 children. The chances of you not having any grandchildren ever are pretty small IMO.

But you can do what you want anyway, so crack on!

I didnt want kids at 20. Im 51 in two weeks and i still dont want them. Some people DO know they dont want them at a young age

My mother has six children and only 1 grandchild so far with no prospect of more.

Like what and why? I mean that genuinely and not snarkily.

Yeah. My mum has 3 daughters. We all said we didn't want kids well into our 20s.

She has 10 grandkids now.

What do you do?

You get a life.

The traditional method of procreation is getting caught and I believe that this is still popular. There may yet be grandchildren. Just don't hold your breath.

And there may be not. Have a life for yourself or get involved with a children's charity, as there are plenty of kids who need adult assistance.

I admire your DD.

A woman should know her own mind.

I guess it did sound a little dramatic. I had my first child at 22yo. I've been single since my youngest was 2yo so 13 years doing it all by myself. We have always been a close family (my parents, sibling, aunts and uncles) mum died last Jan and she absolutely adored being a grandparent. Maybe it stems from there a little.

My parents didn’t expect to be grandparents, DD was born when I was 41.5 and they were 70. It’s a little premature to decide now.

My DH is 51 and parent to an almost 5 year old. Most 50 year olds are busy being parents these says, not grandparents

If you had your oldest at 22 and they are mid 20s then you must be 50ish. And your peers are all grandparents?
That would be very unusual among my peer group - wouldn't be expecting it for another 10 years or more.
You can't expect that your dc's views now, particularly at 15 and 18 are final. They will likely meet partners, mature and decide for themselves when the time is right.
In the meantime you should live your life in a way that works for you now, with fewer ties and responsibilities and more freedom as your children have grown. Maybe grandchildren will come in time but maybe not and either way build a full life for yourself.

There's more to life than.looking after grandchildren.
You have the freedom now to do anything you like.

My 3 children are in their early 30s and late 20s and none have children, the only one in a relationship, his girlfriend doesnt want children and hes never been bothered. The other 2 live very fulfilled lives but have never wanted a relationship. They've always been adament about not being desparate to have children.
Dh and I are in our early 60s and did think about moving away but I decided I would probably rarely see my boys(we see them frequently at the moment for lunches etc) and my daughter would come and see me but it couldn't be as spontaneous as it is at the moment. We are just about to move to our forever house having moved a lot over the past 20 years. We're financially secure and travel alot, not sure it would change if we did have grandchildren.
My sister, who has 8 grandchildren (she's 62) is forever going to stay with them or having them to stay so they don't have holidays as a couple, not sure I would like her life but she seems happy.

I would relish the freedom. Amazing.

You can't base your life around other people's decisions. Or be dependent on their making the decisions you want them to make. Resentment really grows in those situations.

I'd assume no grandchildren. So really enjoy yourself and develop some new adventures of your own.

If any of your children went on to have children, you'd still be a grandparent even if you were living your best life somewhere else.

I lived in a different country to my grandparents and still saw them every easter and summer and rang them every week. Plus we saw them some Christmases.

I don't think whether your kids have children or not should really affect your plans. My own parents lived in a different country to me (I moved). Then they moved to a different country from my sister and her child. No one thought anything about it. They were also in a different country from their parents.
You probably aren't thinking about moving to another country but I don't get your underlying question - once the kids are grown and on their own you have freedom to do whatever, grandkids or not.

I wouldn’t bank on those decisions lasting, not at your dcs’ age. I don’t think we ever actually discussed it, and I certainly wasn’t desperately sad* about it, but by the time my dd was in her early 30s, I had more or less assumed that there would never be any Gdcs.
She had her first (of 3!) at 38!

*I would only have been desperately sad if she’d wanted children, but been unable to have any.

I really didn't want kids at all until I was in my thirties (and then jumped straight into regretting not wanting them sooner!). I think you're jumping the gun a bit here.

Always posters picking faults in replies....

Thought you were going to say your youngest kid was 40, and announced they weren’t having kids. Not 15! Blimey, let them become adults first!

I reckon 90% of 15 year olds would say they don't want children. And obviously a large proportion of those 15 year olds will end up being parents either planned or unplanned.

Well, there are two issues here.

You have no idea whether they'll change their minds in the future. I actually wanted several kids at 15 and now in my 30's I'm firmly child-free

But there's also no reason why you should plan your future around your hypothetical grandchildren in the first place.

Condolences op…

no wonder you think about what is next though. Very natural.

You are raising/have raised children and you are close to the “finish line”, what you would like to do next is such an exciting thing! Maybe moving away is a bit much? I mean, you might still want to spend time with them even if they don’t schedule chidren care to you. May I suggest: trips, discover everything you wanted to do and couldn’t, knit, bingo lol…whatever you would like op!

good luck 🌺🌺

A colleague's daughter just had a baby at 40 - only grandchild - after years of saying it wasn't for her. You just never know, but live your life for yourself and if you do get one someday it'll be a bonus.