Not going to have grandchildren- do what you want?

[Tumbleweed101]

My children have decided they don’t want children. I’m a little sad as I’d have liked some grandchildren however does this mean I can move into the next stage of life guilt free? Move where I want, do what I want away from my children. I’ve been a single mum for 13 years. My eldest children are mid 20s and youngest are 18 and 15. Obviously I still need to care for youngest a few more years but am I wrong to start making plans? Anyone else with adult children not wanting their own children? Have you put plans in place? Most of my peers have grandchildren so they are tied up helping with them so wondered what free 50s are doing.

My niece ended her relationship at 28 because she didn't want children, had been together since 19....3 years later and a different partner and baby on the way...

I was adamant I didn't want children until I turned 30 then I suddenly wanted them!

What plans do you have to make already when you still have a 15yo?!
And how can a 15 and 18yo know if they’ll want children?

Solo mum and my adult son told me years ago he didn't know if he wanted children.

No problem! I didn't give birth to him in order to make me a grandma.

I'm enjoying my free time now, travelling, going to museums, hanging out with friends, gardening, etc.

If I do become a grandma in the future I will embrace that too.

I would love grandchildren.

However at mid-forties and no kids yet I might be pushing that one.

My child in that age range has also declared herself to be child free. I’m giving it another 15-20 years before I do anything too drastic.

I remember being that age and being convinced that being pregnant was horrifying and would only consider adoption. I grew out of it.

talking with my child’s cohort, they have some very legitimate fears about the future. Jobs, housing, climate, and politics all weigh heavily on them. Adding the burden of raising a child to making their way in the world seems inconceivable.

They haven’t actually gotten out in the world yet though. They haven’t started feeling the tick of the biological clock.

im not saying a word about grandchildren. I speak to my child as if her future will be child-free. As much as I might hope my child makes a different decision, I know it is not my decision. I just think it’s one that may legitimately be reconsidered with a bit of life experience so I’m keeping my own plans flexible

Oh behave! At 22 I said I’d never have kids, and then ended up pregnant. The only reason why I (thankfully) didn’t abort dc1 is because oh got carried away and told his family and then I felt I couldn’t. Within a few years I had 3 and I’ve been begging oh for 1 more since then. My sister who is 6 years older than me never wanted kids and then she had 2 after I had my last. And then my brother who is !12! years oldest than me and also said he never wanted kids had 2 and is considering one more. The ages between aunties and uncles is funny. And you do realise it’s not normal to plan your entire life over your kids decision to have kids themselves?

Of course you can make plans for your future . But it does seem that you are sad by their decision not to have children and therefore you are acting on revenge. I may be wrong but that’s what I’m reading. Anyway, they are all young especially the 2 youngest and I bet one day you will definitely be a grandmother.

I have 3 adult DD's. All in their 30's and they have all said they don't want children. It makes me sad that they won't experience motherhood but that's more about me projecting than them. They aren't sad at all.
A tiny part of me can't get my head round it but mostly I'm proud that they have grown into lovely women who have their own minds and lives mapped out.

Op, Clearly you really really want to do this, and so you should once your younger children are grown up. There is no other explanation for hearing actual children say I’m never having kids and thinking ahah! They have firmly made their decision and wil absolutely not change their mind in the next 20 odd years

My daughter was very focused on her career when in her twenties, worked long hours but enjoyed the high pay that went with it - bought a house on her own and funded her two horses! With working so hard and riding every weekend, she did not really have a long term relationship until she met her current partner when she was 34 years old. I never asked about children, it’s none of my business, but she never showed any interest so I assumed she did not want one.

Fast forward to six weeks ago when at age 37, she had a beautiful little girl! I don’t expect to change my life because she has a baby although it’s lovely to be able to see her during the day while she is on maternity leave. It’s an hours drive to her house so I won’t be popping in all the time and now I’m retired I have plenty of free time to get my cuddles but I won’t be providing childcare barring emergencies.

I can do exactly what I want with my life while still welcoming a little baby into my family.

You might want to leave them something but if you know it will all end with your children, you may spend a little more freely. I would guess, anyway

I'm thinking about this because I had my only DC in my late 30s so don't know if I'll ever have grandchildren or be alive or fit enough to do much with them if I do. I find it very sad, because I always wanted lots of children and grandchildren. I enjoy as much time as I can now with my DC, knowing how precious it is, and I'm wondering how I'll spend my time in ten years from now. Travel is definitely on my list. Perhaps finding a low-responsibility job so I can get stoned again like in my youth (definitely can't do that with current job and DC)!! Writing a novel, rearing goats...

I remember being that age and being convinced that being pregnant was horrifying and would only consider adoption. I grew out of it

Yes, @Ponderingwindow , that’s exactly what DD (19) says. I do smile internally when she says that it’s horrible thinking of another human growing inside you. In my experience, it’s quite the opposite feeling.

She may or may not decide to have children, but I think she’ll outgrow the pregnancy is gross phase.

I think you’re entering an exciting phase, OP. Your youngest will soon be an adult and although they’ll still need you, you’ll have far more freedom. Do you like to travel? Any hobbies that you’d like to cultivate?

Your eldest are mid 20s? By all means, make your plans - but make them flexible. Had I been asked in my mid 20s I'd have said I didn't want children. Gave birth aged 35.

Not necessarily - my sister and I knew before those ages we wouldn't be having children, and were right (she's 70 and I'm 60 now).

I've never wanted kids and, now 40, have stuck to my guns on that.
But I'm very surprised that you're taking what your children are saying seriously. They're WAY too young to know where they'll stand on the kids issue and, with 3 of them, the chances of you having no grandchildren at all are vanishingly unlikely.

I knew I didn't want them at a much younger age than that.

It's your life, live it your way.

One silly OP and then nothing. It's a theme on here.

Some people do know that they don't want children from a young age.

I knew from about aged 4. In fact I have a clear memory of being at primary school and the other girls talking about how many children they wanted. I said that I didn't want any and ran off to play!

I'm now 50, childfree and have never wavered.

I also remember being mocked by adult family members and told that I would change my mind.

Those of you with children also saying they don't want any, please don't say things like this to them, or complain about wanting to be a grandparent. It makes no difference to the decision and is extremely annoying. We are not here to provide entertainment for our parents!!

Now she is 36 and loves travelling, her job and very active lifestyle with lots of interests and hobbies.

Someone can not have all those things and also not want children.

Now she is 36 and loves travelling, her job and very active lifestyle with lots of interests and hobbies.

Someone can not have all those things and also not want children.

And also not dislike children and also not want to be the cool auntie.

Well for one thing, they are still young and sometimes things change. I wouldn’t be making decisions based on mythical, or otherwise, grand children in any case. How about you just live your life..

Doesn't enter my head. There is nothing to leave except a house. That doesn't change how I spend my money. I spend freely now. Anything left will go to my kids. If they had children would still have only left what's left to my children life is for living.