Not going to have grandchildren- do what you want?

[Tumbleweed101]

My children have decided they don’t want children. I’m a little sad as I’d have liked some grandchildren however does this mean I can move into the next stage of life guilt free? Move where I want, do what I want away from my children. I’ve been a single mum for 13 years. My eldest children are mid 20s and youngest are 18 and 15. Obviously I still need to care for youngest a few more years but am I wrong to start making plans? Anyone else with adult children not wanting their own children? Have you put plans in place? Most of my peers have grandchildren so they are tied up helping with them so wondered what free 50s are doing.

Me and my siblings all have kids and my parenta do what they want. So sad to read that's after all theae uears raising kids you still feel obligated to raise potential grandkids.
My folks live nearly 4 hours away. That's fine. They have eveey right to do what they want and enjoy their retirement guilt free. If they are free and available they offer to help if not then that's 100% fine to. Me and DH raise our kids and seeing the grandparents is a nice trip for the kids.

I know loads of grandparents who barely see their grandchildren, like a handful of times each year, including mine. My husband and I were hassled by our parents for grand kids, yet ultimately they bear little to no responsibility, or that of the time drain that children present. Also your children are still kids…

I always wanted kids...then moved to the other side of the world before having them. I wouldn't make plans based on the existence or not of grandchildren, just do what you want to do.

Down the track one of your children may change their mind but it shouldn’t stop you from planning the next stage.

If I didn’t have DD in my late 30s my parents would have no grandchildren. My older siblings chose to remain CF.

DH and I thought I we were going to CF but then in my late 30s we both realised we wanted to try for a baby. But ask me before all that (in my teens, 20s and early to mid-30s, and I would have said no way would I have a kid!).

Live the life you want...IF GC come along in the future, well the parents have to organize any visits, baby sitting etc around your schedule not the other way around.

FWIW DD told me aged 16 that children were not part of her future plans. Nearly 20 years on and that decision still stands and I have no issues with it whatsoever....not my uterus, not my business.

I would've told you at 15 that I didn't want DC and then following diagnosis I would've told you I couldn't have children at 18/21. I've known DH since we were 11 and he was adamant he'd never get married or have DC.
We got together at 25 married at 30, DC at 34.
I wouldn't expect teenagers to make decisions that will seem so abstract to them still!
My parents and DHs used to have DC one day a week until he went to school, because they chose to, we could've and would've used nursery more. Both sets say they miss that regular time now. They live 60 minutes in once direction and 90 minutes in the other, so we're in touch but don't see them all the time. We do family holidays etc and visit when we can though

I can’t remember a time when I knew I didn’t want children! Never changed my mind…

Me neither. And I made that decision aged 15.

I find it really sad that if your children adopt you won't consider these children your grandchildren.

She didn’t say that .

You can't be serious. Many children these ages don't want children. They might later.

They are so young, I repeatedly said I didn't want children until I met someone who I saw a future with. I mean you can do what you like either way, it sounds like you want to move away so there's nothing stopping you - just saying that their plans may change

Don't base your life choices on whether or not one of your kids might have kids and ask you to do childcare one day a week.

I didn't want children either. But I had a couple in my late twenties and very glad I did. Just because your children say they don't want children now doesn't mean they won't have them. But don't plan your life with possible grandchildren as a consideration.

Is what it boils down to, OP. Even if the 15 year old does decide to have children, that might not be for another 15-20 years, and it would be very sad to put your life on hold on the basis of what if for all that time.

I was adamant didn’t want kids from children from childhood to age 39. I adopted a 41. Best thing ever. Your kids may well change their mind and it’s ridiculous to plan on the basis of what they say now. But I agree with others, just love your own life and see what happens.

Definitely this. Live your life. We only get one.

I hated children at 15.

Now I’m 60. I changed drastically at 27. Literally unbearable craving.

l have 2. Wish l’d had more.

Slightly older than your 3, but not a lot.

Oldest wants children but not yet.
Middle has gone in the last year from "no way" to "maybe in my 30s when I've established my career"
Youngest has come out of the "girls, yuck" stage, and is holding firm to he is living with a whole zoo load of animals , starting with a team of Huskies (he's also planning on living in Antarctica) and says no woman will want to live with that. However in the last year he's changed from no way to if he does have children he'll make sure they're perfect age to play baby Jesus in the plays he's involved in...

I wouldn't give up on grandchildren yet.

I said I didn't want children when I was 15. I've got 4

There are very few plans you could make which would actually be completely irreversible: even if you moved away the option of moving back would still exist if you wanted to be closer to any grandchildren if they arrived. Live your life as it comes at you. A lot can change in a few years and you can’t base your life around other people: I thought I wanted children when I was in my early twenties. Then my life got awesome and I saw people around me having children and it just didn’t look appealing at all - so it’s a firm none for me now. My brother has one child but his partner never lets my parents (or anyone else but her own mum) see it. My other brother doesn’t have a clue what he wants! I’d hate to think my parents curtailed their lives in the hope of being involved grandparents, it would be quite sad.

I didn't want children at 15. And I continued that way until I was 30.

Life is what happens while youre busy making other plans. Live as if you won't have them.

My eldest daughter was adamant all through her teens and early 20's that she wasn't going to have children. She now has 3. All planned.

This. A fifteen-year-old planning a family would be seriously weird.

I was adamant I didn't want children until I met my now fiancé at 28. We are now early 30s and have a beautiful 1 year old little girl. Give it time!