Have you ever met a mum who genuinely didn't let their kids' dad see the kids for no good reason?

[TERFCat]

Obviously, this is a tired trope regularly thrown at single mothers by dads and their families who just can't be arsed. Most times I've heard it, I've known for a fact that it's false.

I recently went on a few dates with a guy, who introduced his brother as a poor guy who wasn't allowed to see his kids. The story was full of holes, and I ditched the date soon after. It got me thinking though, a lot of people would surely have taken that tale at face value and slagged off a woman they'd never even met. It's just acceptable misogyny.

Anyway, it got me thinking, has anyone ever actually known a woman in real life who has stopped their ex from seeing their kids?

Yes, I have.

The family courts actively support lying, spiteful claims, and alienation. It's far too easy to make up a pile of bullshit and have a parent excluded from a child's life. And lucky you if you were too sheltered to know this.

I think there are probably a lot more children that are made to see their fathers by the court even though they are abusive. The bar is so low for men parenting. I also think many men say they are being blocked by their evil ex when they are not.

That’s just not true.

I know a case of what I would class as deliberate sabotage of the father/child relationship, yes. She doesn't see it that way but her ex demolished her in court. The damage had been done though.

I wish it wasn't. I really wish it wasn't. But alas it is.

Exactly. I've seen this first hand as a witness in the family courts so I'm not going on what I've been told. I was horrified how things were twisted and misreported. In my DP's case it was in the court's interest to portray him as the baddie so they could justify giving his ex all his assets (and I mean all - he was left homeless and penniless).

Yes, I've seen it first hand myself. Incredibly traumatising.

I also know of a lawyer who was traumatised by attending family court, because it was just so outrageous a miscarriage of justice it shook their faith in the entire justice system. It really is that bad.

Probably rightly forced to by court orders hence thinking I'm "lucky" mine hasn't bothered. I'm sure they would stop them if they could 🤷‍♀️

I knew one quite well. She let the child see her father at first but stopped it when he met someone else. She relented a year or so later and the child rebelled and moved in with Dad for a few years.

It’s not. It’s just something that fathers who are not suitable to see their children say. It’s also something said by fathers who can’t be arsed to go to court as an excuse ‘yeah, they favour mums so it wasn’t worth it’. Utter bullshit.

Its similar to those parents that say social services take kids away from parents to fill some sort of quota for richer people to adopt them. Bullshit. They took their kids away for very, very good reasons. And usually not soon enough.

I'm happy for you that you get to believe that.

Yes. My brother's ex. We miss my niece so much, never know when he will be allowed to see her, family celebrations missed out on, special occasions missed, grandparents refused access as well.

Why would a court want to give away all your partners assets? Why would they want to portray him as the baddie? How would that be in the courts interest?

This. I take it with a pinch of salt when a dad says his ex won't let him see their dc . Often he means his ex finds it easier to spend all her time with the dc than take them to him for a limited time and then pick them up again at her inconvenience. These dads know where the dc live and how to contact them or their mum .

That's what has happened to me. My entire value system and faith in justice was destroyed. I'm still triggered by anything legal and cannot explain to people who have not experienced it just how traumatising it is.

I'm so sorry you went through that too. Injustice trauma is horrific.

Sadly, yes. I’ve known a couple of women who wouldn’t let their kids see their Dad after the relationship broke down out of bitterness at the end of the marriage and jealousy over other women/new partners. One I knew in particular lied about abuse to get court orders against her ex, which shattered so many lives.

I know that for every woman like this there are 100 who try to make access work or who genuinely suffered terrible abuse / their kids did and have good reason to stop access.

But these very bitter, nasty women do exist.

Yep, several sadly. Generally where I know both the man and the woman in the couple. And ones who use the kids as weapons against eachother, or try and poison the kids against one another.

It's very sad but children do so often get turned into pawns in their parent's issues.

🤣 You keep lying to yourself to justify your partners inability to be a suitable parent. Or us if your friend? The story changes.

**Or IS IT your friend?

I have never.

I'm sure they exist, but I have no doubt that the percentage is far smaller than some of these fathers would like us to believe.

I'd never, ever get involved with a man who told me that his ex doesn't let him see their kids either, it's far more likely that he's a lazy lying bastard.

Thank you. I'm so sorry that happened to you too. You're right - the injustice is really hard to live with. Really, really hard.

That's why I'm not bothered that other people don't believe me. I'm genuinely envious for their naivety. I'd do anything to get that naivety back.

It isn't in the least bit amusing.

She hasn't mentioned a partner or "changed her story" wtf are you talking about. If you're going to be rude and snarky with someone at least bother to read their posts first.

*Or he

This.

Yes.

Oddly in a couple of cases it takes for the mother's relationship with their next partner they have a younger child/younger children with to break down before the oldest child gets to see their own father. It is the step-dad who initiates contact between the father and their child.