Why is it always the same type of child picked for everything?

[Alittlebitofchaos]

My dd is starting secondary next year. She has been mentioning of late it's always the same kids picked for speaking, debating, acting rolls etc, head girl etc..
She is bright, friendly & always puts herself forward but it's always the chosen few who get selected.
Firstly why do this happen? Secondly how can I help her to develop skills that will help her shine in secondary?
Also if you have one of the lucky kids who is always picked, what extracurriculars /special attributes have they?

Head girl/boy in primary always goes to a child who works hard, is very well behaved and is polite and confident around teachers. They are meant to be a good role model.

The main parts in plays usually go to the best performers. Loads of children do extra drama, dance and/or singing lessons so there are a lot of parents who think their child deserves the main role.

Most schools get children to do sections of assemblies so that they have the opportunity to do some public speaking.

I wouldn’t put too much emphasis on getting picked as it puts a lot of pressure on your DD.

Such a sour, nasty mindset!

The fact that a child gets lead roles has NO bearing on whether they make a good friend or not.

Same kids are head boy and girl at my DDs secondary as at her primary....so it doesn't necessarily change at secondary....

Having said that DD would never put herself for anything, but I know some others were disappointed that some kids got 2 (or even 3) roles - house captain and sports captain - for example and others didn't get chosen for anything.

Amiability goes a long way - its not just the most confident or popular, they have to be easy (for the teachers) to get along with too. Able to concentrate and take things seriously - a safe pair of hands.

The squeaky wheel gets the oil.

My eldest was one of those kids. It wasn't through having a l'ook at me' or especially engaging personality, I don't think, as she was actually quite reserved.
But she was bright, a perfectionist, and I suspect was chosen for her reliability.

Putting on events and productions is really stressful in primary schools. Teachers will prize reliability over a lot, I suspect. Even if they would like to take a risk on a child who might benefit from the experience.

This isn't a brag by any means. My DDs perfectionism is a burden now that she's an adult.

Cross posted, but yes, basically that. A safe pair of hands.

I think some teachers use someone tried/tested/reliable rather than take a chance on someone else.

My PE teachers used to use the same dozen girls for virtually every competition because they were good "all-rounders" and could be relied on to put in a decent performance at anything, but they weren't the best at every sport.

Combination of charisma and competence.

I have always told my DD "you don't have to be the best, as long as you're not the worst" and now she doesn't bother any more. She's smart, healthy, has friends, and is on track for good grades and a good future. That's all that matters.

I think its also worth keeping in mind that for every leader there's dozens of followers, and for every person in the limelight there's a much larger supporting cast. So it stands to reason that the odds for all of us are against us being head of this, centre of that, and unless your child has a real drive and aptitude for the 'stand out' roles, the likelihood is they will be one of the crowd. And that's absolutely fine, and I think an important message. Chances are high our child will be a soldier rather than a general for all of us, so its about making sure those lower profile contributions are seen as valuable too.

The role was given to a girl who started to cry during her audition. Dd was given a non speaking role as a guard 😂

@Ritadidsomethingbad This made me laugh..At school {Infants} I wanted to be an Angel with a tinsel halo and a white muslin dress.
Was gutted when the costumes were given to the ''good'' girls.

I had to sing a solo instead, not dressed as an angel.

Was rather glad {at 6} when one of the ''Angels'' fell off her chair {stage left} and began to cry.

The power of a tinsel halo and a muslin dress knows no bounds when one is 6.

I was an angel in the tinsel. I wanted to be the Inn keeper and thought it was in the bag because I'd helped paint the sign saying Bethlehem Arms and had a loud voice. I was so looking forward to booming 'NO ROOM!!' but the teacher said I made Mary jump too much by insisting on shouting it too close to her ear. So that was that then.

Talking of ''Perfectionism''- Today going into a food shop to get a meal deal, there was a Student worker {?} young woman who I haven't seen there before..

I have never seen the displays looking so clean and perfect... she was arranging the sandwiches and drinks so they were all facing the same way and beautifully spaced..I had to comment on it as it was so meticulously done.

Well done her for taking pride in her work.

Could be a great learning experience for future work. Perhaps if your child really wants to do something, they could have a private conversation with the teacher and ask if they could be given the chance to show what they are able to do. Not a rant about unfairness, but a polite request to be given an opportunity. They could spell out how hard they'll work on it and how much it would mean to them. Great ethos to instill and would be a really mature step.

Squeaky wheel gets the grease

That's a good idea! @Alittlebitofchaos go for this ..👍

You were an Angel!! - you lucky thing! 😂

An Innkeeper should have a booming voice! - ''Last orders! ..and No Room at the Inn!''

Mary at our school was always played by REALLY good girls.

The naughty boys had non~ speaking roles as sheep or Shepherds - Angel Gabriel and the Thee Wise Men were usually the boys who were well behaved.

One boy, bless him, who I'm certain had a really horrible home life for reasons I won't go into here, never got a part. 😭

I did get an Angel role in Juniors, but my yearning for white muslin had worn off by then.

Still love a bit of tinsel!

I used to run a school debating team. The most confident public speakers were often also some of the most academic and articulate. We did have a B team as well though which was more about giving the enthusiastic ones a chance who attended the club but weren't going to win necessarily.

We also had one parent complain that her daughter never got picked, the same children always got picked etc. Anyway I went out of my way to give her a chance and she had a go and hated it, so I would also check your child actually really wants the opportunity!

That all sounds very familiar. Except our angel Gabriel was always a girl. The boys would not have worn the dress.

Thank you for your understanding of the Inn keeper role anyway. I feel vindicated. Its been 50 years now and I still struggle to see how Lucy Clarkes polite whisper 'there's no room' was considered preferable to my interpretation of the role. My nan told me afterwards they couldn't even hear her at the back.

I have two DC who get picked for everything which has come as a shock to me as I was never picked for anything but I was a very shy child and both of mine put themselves forward for everything (they are the kind of kids who would have annoyed the shite out of me when I was at school!).

They definitely aren’t ‘the popular’ kids and both have had issues with friends and bullies but they are super confident. I know it seems like I’m bragging because I’m their Mum but honestly I don’t know where they get it from.

Even in their out of school hobbies they are always picked for solos etc.

I think pp’s are right that in secondary school there are more opportunities to shine so I hope your DD can find her thing and build her confidence.

Someone already has mentioned this list you got (speaking, debating, acting) all relies on the same skill set. You have excluded music and sports.

DC plays an orchestral instrument well and is always picked for music at primary. She's in the invitation only orchestra, attends external music days, competitions and assemblies. I'm sure the same goes for kids who are good at sports and they'll play for the school in competitions.

I think you need to look at what your child likes and is good at and help her get better at that.

Some people are happy not to be in spot light others like my eldest put themselves forward and got ignored.

Well she did till y4 went again for auditions whole school play - got nothing again vaguely offer back stage but nothing happening so joined choir got on stage with that - spoke a lot about it to her teacher that year who gave her speaking bit in classroom assembly plays - got bigger every time - moved and changed school she got main part in whole school play.

Since then she can and does put herself forward - developed skills and often gets nominated to answer questions for groups or do open days.

I think as she was quiet assumptions about her were made - while my other kids were often upset when they were put in limelight and same assumptions would have been fine for them.

Chosen by the teacher? Then ask the teachers.

usually it’s the kids that excel and need additional tasks/ work to keep busy, and are also easy for the teacher to deal with.

I think it is a mix of competence, reliability and social skills. I have two DC who were head boy/girl. Selection to stand as a candidate was initially by SLT interviews. The key things here were probing on how they would manage workload with commitments, how they would deal with different situations etc. However the final selection between a number of of candidates was peer voting. Both DC were very academic, sporty and one arty, one musical. They both threw themselves into school life and took the extra-curricular opportunities that were on offer. I think the main factor in their favour at that stage was their humility and inclusion (neither were in cliques) and I think because they were all-rounders they appealed to a broad group of students with different interests and they just knew a lot of students across year groups. I have a third DC who is a very similar type but just didn't want the extra responsibilities so didn't put himself forward. They have to want it.