Where are all the stay at home mums?

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I’m not an idiot. I know that not all woman want to be a SAHM for lots of valid reasons. I know that not all women can be either. I also know there’s a COL crisis too.

Since having DD eight months ago I’ve learnt that everyone has an opinion on every parenting decision and everyone else is the expert. I’ve had negative comments on becoming a SAHP, but what other people want to do is nothing to do with me.

While I knew a lot of women would be going back to work and I knew they’d be a lot of women who would become SAHM due to the cost of childcare, I wasn’t expecting barely any SAHMs out of choice.

I always wanted to have a career to be able to support a future family. But I always knew I wanted to be a SAHM while the kids were little. The goal was to have our outgoings comfortably less than DH salary which we’re fortunately in that position. Our house is functional , our car is practical and our lifestyle is considerably different. We could go abroad this year but it’s not our priority.

A lot of my mum friends I’ve made are going back to work. Everyone from NCT and the two baby groups I go to. I kinda knew this would happen, not everyone, but I knew it would be the majority. I went along to a toddler group today and again I was the only SAHM. Four childminders and three grandmothers.

It’s not the end of the world as I’ll still keep in contact with the friends I’ve made so far. I’ve also kept hobbies and taken up volunteering that are social.

I’m just surprised with the sheer lack of SAHM out of choice or maybe I’m hanging out in the wrong places.

A sahp point of view might be why are working parents paying a cleaner, nanny, childminder whilst the parents have to do the meals anyway and household admin and errands, through choice.

Plenty of SAHP use childminders & cleaners though.

Parents who haven't worked full time with small children and/or in every type of job also don't know what they don't know. They might not be able to imagine how others make it work, and they might typically make lots of assumptions about the compromises that others may be making that simply aren't reflected in reality.

At the end of the day, each of us can only live our own lives, and we can never fully know what someone else's experience has been like. As long as we are happy with our choices and our children are thriving, it makes no difference whatsoever whether parents SAH or WOH. There is no single "right way" to be a good parent.

I was a SAHP for a bit and didn't like it, certainly wasn't the best time of my life. Many women actually do try it and realise they prefer being at work.

I would have chosen to be a SAHM had my circumstances worked out that way. I ended up a single parent so had no choice but to work.

What you said about confidence resonated with me. I was SAHM for 9 years. When youngest started school I volunteered for a local charity shop 1 morning a week, a 4 hour shift. I was a nervous wreck at first and mostly wanted to hide in the back sorting items. But within a few weeks I found myself out there interacting with customers and organising the displays. I found my thoughts constantly drifting to that day, I would plan what I was wearing and get up a bit earlier and spent time grooming myself. Thats when I realised I was ready to take on more. It might be worth a try for you too.

I've never been a SAHM and of my NCT group everyone went back to work. Of the 9 3 went back FT and the rest PT. The only SAHM parents I know have never worked and are on benefits. I don't know any wealthy people.

I'm glad I continued to work on my career as now I have loads of flexibility- wfh, part time and term time only etc. now that dc are early secondary age I'm finding that they need me more- homework, supporting study, emotional support plus they have very busy sport/ hobbies that need driving around. It was easier when they were in primary with wrap around care.

I’ve seen several moaning and resentful SAHM’s on here. It can certainly go both ways.

I’m on maternity leave right now for the 2nd time and can very safely say that SAHM isn’t for me.

I love being a sahm. I have a degree, am well travelled, and had my kids later in life. We paid off out mortgage when kids were babies thanks to me earning more then. I don't need to work so why should I. We don't claim any benefits. And sometimes I enjoy going back to bed after I have packed the kids off to school9