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Original poster

So so so shit

193 replies

NooNakedJacuzziness · 09/05/2024 18:31

Waiting for my Dad to die and I can't do this. Pancreatic cancer spread to liver, he's so uncomfortable and they can't do anything to help him now. This is beyond distressing - you would put an animal to sleep. Just wanted to vent - he doesn't deserve it.

OP posts:
qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 09/05/2024 18:32

Very hard time Flowers

Can you talk to the GP about additional pain relief? Is he at home or a hospice or in hospital?

Original poster
NooNakedJacuzziness · 09/05/2024 18:33

He's at home, adamant he wants to die here. It can't be much longer, he's yellow all over

OP posts:
Uricon2 · 09/05/2024 18:34

I am sorry. All you can do is keep pushing and pushing for them to review the pain relief. I do understand, it is so, so hard Flowers]

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Original poster
NooNakedJacuzziness · 09/05/2024 18:34

We have morphine

OP posts:
Original poster
NooNakedJacuzziness · 09/05/2024 18:35

He says he's not in pain but he's so exhausted and uncomfortable

OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · 09/05/2024 18:35

Bless you - unthinkably hard. One hour at a time. Have you got support my love? Xxx

Allthehorsesintheworld · 09/05/2024 18:35

I’m so sorry.
Can you ask for Hospice care at home?
Just seen your update re the morphine. I’d speak to hospice staff as they are the cancer care experts and have lots of different care strategies they can use.

Uricon2 · 09/05/2024 18:35

NooNakedJacuzziness · 09/05/2024 18:34

We have morphine

There are other things (eg methadone, ketamine), some people do better with morphine than others.

ETA Are Macmillan and Marie Curie involved?

unicornsarereal72 · 09/05/2024 18:36

Are hospice at home involved? Our district nurse wasn't the best, but once the hospice team were involved things were much better. It's horrible, but it will mean the world to him having you beside him. Stay strong.

FionnulaTheCooler · 09/05/2024 18:36

I'm so sorry that he has to go through that. I hope this country legalises assisted dying for cases like his, I'd far rather die quickly from a massive morphine overdose than linger in pain. Like you say, we wouldn't let a pet suffer like that, I had a cat with cancer and the vet said the kindest thing to do if the exploratory surgery revealed that it was advanced was to have him put down under anaesthetic so that he never woke up, so that's what happened.

Smittenkitchen · 09/05/2024 18:36

Handhold OP. Must be so hard. I'm sure it's a great comfort to him that you are there.

Original poster
NooNakedJacuzziness · 09/05/2024 18:39

Thanks all, it's helpful to get it out. Got other relatives here helping so not on my own. I might ring and see if a district nurse can come out, nothing we've tried is helping. Hospice nurses came out this morning but he's worse now.

Thanks to you all for listening x

OP posts:
Ikeashowroom · 09/05/2024 18:39

I'm so sorry OP.

My sister died of pancreatic cancer and it's a bloody horrible way to go. The jaundice came when she was close to the end. Think it was noticeable on the Monday and she passed on the Thursday morning.

My sister was given was was essentially a pump to keep her permanantly topped up on pain relief at the end. She was in the hospice though.

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 09/05/2024 18:41

I’m so sorry OP. My Dad has oesophageal cancer spread to liver. It is utterly shit.

Original poster
NooNakedJacuzziness · 09/05/2024 18:41

He can't stop hiccuping and it's stressing him out. We have pills for that but not worked yet

OP posts:
3smallpups · 09/05/2024 18:45

Been there twice
Massive unmumsnetty hugs to you , it's the hardest thing to go through.

It will pass, and you will be glad you were there for him.at this point you just have to hold on to that. Use the time to tell him how much you love him.

Completely agree, I'm a vet and wouldn't let an animal suffer like that . I get flashbacks at work sometimes, seeing what my parents went through when I'm suggesting euthanasia as a kind option for a pet.
Just last night , I had a case that was hopeless , dog was going to die that night if we didn't do anything . I arranged for a home visit for euthanasia for them as no way would they have wanted to watch the dog die a slow death but had that been a person , they would just be left to die, it's ridiculous.

I would say ( and I hope this is true ) that once it gets to a certain stage , it's worse for the person caring for the patient than the patient. Hopefully when the morphine kicks in, they have nice thoughts.

Roselilly36 · 09/05/2024 18:46

I am so sorry, I hope you have nurses coming in to help. Sending 🤗

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 09/05/2024 18:46

It is so hard to express this but I will try - you are going to find this time hard but I would focus on breathing, caring for your feelings and administering any form of care or love so that you know your Dad can feel how much you love him in this time. What I mean by this is - maybe you can't make the hiccups go away, but you can tell your Dad how much you love him and hold his hand and read to him or watch a programme to distract him or just listen to him.

It is hard when you can't fix it, but being able to stay alongside someone is actually a huge act of love Flowers

AnotherVice · 09/05/2024 18:48

It sounds like he needs something like Midazolam for agitation from his 'Just In Case' medicines. Please call the hospice, 111 or 999 to get someone out to administer them (or organise them if not in place). Sorry you are going through this, it's awful.

aibutohavethisusername · 09/05/2024 18:48

Sorry to read this, thinking of you.

Michellebops · 09/05/2024 18:52

Oh how awful, it sounds like he's close to the end.
My mil passed away at Christmas from liver cancer. For the final 48 hours the decline was so rapid she was in so much pain and the liquid morphine didn't touch it. The district nurses gave us calpol which acted quicker but we ended up getting them back out and do an IV line of morphine.
Keep at them if you need to.
Sending a big hug

Letmegetoff · 09/05/2024 18:53

Call the district nurses out. Does he have a red bag with all the 'just in case' meds in? There are different things they can give for different symptoms.

My job is answering the calls for the district nurses. If it works the same in your area as where I work it is a 24/7 service

Original poster
NooNakedJacuzziness · 09/05/2024 18:54

Thank you all - I'm reading all your messages and really appreciate them all.

I've phoned and asked for a nurse to come out, just hope they do.

OP posts:
BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 09/05/2024 18:54

I'm so sorry OP, it is so tough, an as you say, cruel.

In the ned my elative had a morphine on a syringe driver, and enough morphine to be unconscious.

But they are wary of this because of our legislation.

Read aloud, play his favourite music, I am glad you have other family with you.

Lightfrost · 09/05/2024 18:55

Oh love, I'm so sorry your family is going through this. I've been exactly where you are with my beloved Dad, right down to the hiccups. I hope someone can contact the hospice again and they can get everything better controlled for him. It would be such a weight lifted wouldn't it.

The only other thing I'd say is be with him, hold his hand, tell him how much you love him and reminisce about special times together. It'll be a comfort for you in the future I promise.

For you and your lovely Dad Flowers