Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

So so so shit

193 replies

NooNakedJacuzziness · 09/05/2024 18:31

Waiting for my Dad to die and I can't do this. Pancreatic cancer spread to liver, he's so uncomfortable and they can't do anything to help him now. This is beyond distressing - you would put an animal to sleep. Just wanted to vent - he doesn't deserve it.

OP posts:
NameChange1412 · 09/05/2024 22:56

Please do call the nurses out at any time, day or night. The vast majority of district nurses are excellent at end of life care, as a nurse it’s one of my greatest privileges to get things right for someone at the end.

Hopefully the stat dose settles him through tonight and they can come out and assess him properly tomorrow and consider a syringe driver to ensure he has a steady release of medications to keep him comfortable, with top-ups if he needs them.

Handhold to you, I was in your shoes with my own Dad in January and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Thinking of you and hoping for a peaceful night for you and your Dad Flowers

thelengthspeoplegoto · 09/05/2024 22:57

Sorry to read this. My dad died of this in November. It was such a sad and surreal time. X

MillenialAvocado · 09/05/2024 22:57

I'm so sorry OP. Offering a handhold Flowers

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General health
DownWithThisKindOfThing · 09/05/2024 23:00

I’m so sorry

I hope your lovely dad will be at peace soon x

littlekittyhoward · 10/05/2024 00:16

This is exactly how my Dad died. I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. What I can promise you, 7 years on, is that the memories of this will fade and you’ll be able to remember your lovely Dad at his best and not his sickest. I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts and send you strength for the coming days.

AllTheChaos · 10/05/2024 00:57

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. Been there twice with close relatives, and it is absolutely shitty. I had a friend who arranged to take matters into their own hands when her cancer got too much for her to bear. It was awful, but I can see why she did it. She had to hoard her sleeping pills to manage it though, and ensure she was alone so no one could be implicated. We really need a change in the law to
allow people to choose a dignified, pain-free end if it would otherwise be denied them. I don’t know what to say except, you will bear this. It will end, soon, and you will somehow manage. Sending massive, un Mumsnetty hugs

Nicole1111 · 10/05/2024 01:11

Sending you so much love and strength and him
so much comfort and peace. Do whatever you need to do to advocate for him.

Original poster
NooNakedJacuzziness · 10/05/2024 02:22

Well we got a grand total of about 2 hours sleep before the hiccups came back with a vengeance. Phoned the nurses again and waiting for them to arrive. I'm not having him suffering anymore.

OP posts:
tolerable · 10/05/2024 02:27

@NooNakedJacuzziness -Oh love,I do hope they arrive quickly and can help ease discomfort. Trying to process in the rapid onset 3 weeks is so hard. You are right -do not hesitate to ask for whathever can be done. Remember to be gentle with yourself too.Its such a distressing time.Sending caring loving thots to you and yours xxx

MonsteraMama · 10/05/2024 02:31

I'm so sorry, it's awful isn't it? It seems so cruel, and it's so hard to feel so helpless in the face of it. Sending so much strength to you, and hoping for peace for him.

Original poster
NooNakedJacuzziness · 10/05/2024 02:37

Thank you - Mumsnet is a life saver at times like these. I expect they'll be here fairly soon at this time of night. The nurses have been great - best people we've dealt with

OP posts:
EastCoastExile · 10/05/2024 02:45

Wishing your dad a peaceful time. He's lucky to have you there for him.

wannagobacktothe90splease · 10/05/2024 02:52

Sending love and a handhold to you. I have no personal experience (relatives) but I nursed on a palliative care ward several years ago, so I can imagine the torment you must be feeling. It's reassuring to hear that the nurses involved are compassionate.

Wishing your beloved dad a peaceful transition Flowers

SpidersAreShitheads · 10/05/2024 03:41

Sending you all lots of love and wishing your lovely dad some peace. I was with my dad to the end - in the last couple of days he made some unusual sounds in his sleep while on morphine etc but when he briefly woke he was able to indicate that he wasn’t in any discomfort. So I hope it’s the same for your dad even if he hiccups as he sleeps. You’ve done exactly the right thing here calling the nurses.

I hope you’re coping ok 💐

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 10/05/2024 05:22

Hoping the hiccups have stopped and he’s more peaceful now

Zonder · 10/05/2024 06:32

Sorry for your dad and all of you. I hope he passes soon and peacefully.

Higglings · 10/05/2024 06:36

Sorry you're going through this. Same cancer got my husband, like your dad one minute he was ok, next he wasn't. I kept him at home, under the care of the hospice. It's exhausting, we all took turns to stay with him 24/7 - I hope he knew we were there but he was out of it for much of the time.

Original poster
NooNakedJacuzziness · 10/05/2024 06:45

He fell out of bed and we had to get ambulance to put him back in - it just keeps on giving. Luckily he was still a bit sedated so don't think he realised what was going on. Too early for gin???

OP posts:
TwilightSkies · 10/05/2024 06:48

Never too early at times like these!
I hope today is a bit easier for you all x

StMarieforme · 10/05/2024 06:49

Op in my MILs last hours my Stepson suggested a vicar. MIL had not been a regular church goer but she was of that generation that saw it as important. It brought her great comfort at the time.
Wishing you all the best.

Pluviophile1 · 10/05/2024 06:50

I've been here too. Twice.
So sorry that your dad and you are going through this, but glad to hear that you have some excellent nurses supporting you. It will be making a massive difference to your dad that you are there with him. Wishing you strength and sending a hug x

ComeAgainPlease · 10/05/2024 06:54

Oh this is hard and you are now physically exhausted as well as emotionally wiped out. Gin before 7am is one idea (although maybe a good coffee with a splash of Baileys might work) but I hope you have got some chocolate for a bit of an energy boost. I am sending you imaginary choco truffles and an imaginary rhododendron in a pot. You take care of your Dad and the rest of the family with you there, and lean back into the care we all have for you on here.

Higglings · 10/05/2024 07:06

NooNakedJacuzziness · 10/05/2024 06:45

He fell out of bed and we had to get ambulance to put him back in - it just keeps on giving. Luckily he was still a bit sedated so don't think he realised what was going on. Too early for gin???

Don't you have him in a hospital bed?

That will have sides and an air mattress to prevent him getting bed sores.

Beefcurtains79 · 10/05/2024 07:09

Just keep doing what your doing, you are giving him so much comfort, do whatever it takes to get yourself through it.

hungryheidi · 10/05/2024 07:11

Oh I really feel for you! My father in law died from pancreatic cancer a few months ago, and the whole thing was just so awful. He also wanted to die at home, so he had district nurses and hospice nurses visiting him at home. The deterioration was so quick as he was always such a positive, healthy and active person. Not sure I have any advice except accept all the help you can, and that you are not alone. Xxx