Is there anything you did with your babies that isn't OK now and you feel sad today's parents will miss out on?

[CurlewKate]

For me it's the family bed. We coslept all the time when they were little, then on and off until they were about 8 or 9. No sleep deprivation for anyone, easy to deal with nightmares or night waking. And such security and comfort for everyone. I know it wouldnmt work for every family, but I'm sad that it's obviously not OK to even try now..

your approach sounds way more healthy. Yes if each child has theee expensive extracurricular activities each then it’s going to be expecnsive!

What did you end up doing differently?

I co slept with all of mine. My youngest is 5 and has co slept with me from day one.

that’s true and because far more people are choosing to be child free (which is great too!) things aren’t as family centred it seems. Cost of living and housing crisis means everyone is in smaller houses and smaller gardens (if any) so less space to play and be creative. I’d love my kids to have famous five summers where they play in big gardens all day and explore. without the secret adventures of course. Unfortunately I don’t have a 5 acre garden and won’t actually leave them alone in the woods!

Weddings used to be casual affairs. Church service then back to the local pub for a meal and a dance. Or back to a relative's house. It changed when they became far more expensive days in wedding venues, with expensive costs per head. Very different inviting a couple of kids you barely know when the cost is two children's meal in a pub, to paying £70 per head.

Of course they do. I did until my child was 2.5 - quick buggy walk was by far the quickest way to get dc to sleep. Child is currently 3.

I don't understand how cosleeping results in more sleep. The odd night that DS sneaks into my bed it's like sleeping with a hot, sweaty bag of puppies. Constant wriggling.

Agree. I wouldn’t have slept a wink with any of mine in the bed!

I loved weaning and feeding my DS. Cow and Gate Sunshine porridge in the morning was a lovely start to the day. Loved feeding him.

Now its all baby led, shoving a spoon in their hand or not and letting them get on with it

Interesting reading these posts! There's a whole lot of assumptions regarding what current parents do! Having had my babies in the past five years, and knowing many who have, the majority co-slept occasionally, usually used purees for weaning rather than blw, left their babies to nap alone - often in the garden! Many don't over-schedule, in fact I usually leave mine to entertain themselves for an hour or two at a time while I get on with housework etc, and they love playing with their toys, colouring and getting into mischief in the garden lol. Many weekends are spent at home pottering around and entertaining ourselves, as I did as a child.

The ones I do agree with are both parents working - it can be a struggle for stay at home parents to find people to connect with as well as less holiday freedom for kids. Also lack of extended family support, and less freedom for kids in general. What I miss from my childhood is just having a video player so TV was a whole family thing, watched together with no distractions. I don't agree with young kids having screens shoved in their faces the moment they look bored or upset.

TBF I think this is just Lullaby Trust - they seem to have gone bonkers OTT again.

This has changed over time - when DS1 was tiny it was FSID (foundation for study of infant deaths) and it was very overcautious with lots of advice about preventing cot death although by today's standards positively laid back XD

Then they went through a more sensible period where they brought out the co-sleeping guidelines - can't remember if this was before or after the Lullaby Trust name change.

Now it seems to have gone more overcautious again.

I know that 6 months room sharing was advised when DS1 was little as had lots of arguments about it on here IIRC. But it was later, around 2013 I would guess, when people came up with this sudden idea that you couldn't put them to bed in the evening and come downstairs, or let them nap in another room. I am not sure where this came from but I know that there was a change in wording in advice and it was to do with the fact that when the advice was about babies sleeping "in your room" people took that very literally and thought it was about the room, not about the parental presence - so they changed it to presence and emphasised that SIDS can happen any time, not just overnight.

I do think though that people tend to interpret guidelines very literally and rigidly today compared to how they were given in the past. I feel like that has made things difficult and more stressful. It is useful information to know that sharing a bedroom has a protective effect against SIDS (even though we don't know exactly why that is) but I feel like in the past people would have gone OK - that's a good, protective thing to do so let's make sure we do that for the longest part of the night but we won't worry too much about an hour here and there if it doesn't happen.

Now it seems like the guideline about what is a protective thing has become some kind of minimum threshold and if you don't meet it then you're somehow neglectful and don't care about your baby's safety.

Coming back to this thread, having seen yet another thread on avoiding all and any sugar for ones children, because, you know, they'll spontaneously combust.

So, being able to feed your kids cake and biscuits, jelly, Nesquick (Charlie and Lola pink milk was huge in our family) Nutella sandwiches, without feeling you are condeming them to a life of unhealthy eating.

Ahh the old days when they would run in after a nightmare or whatever . Mine used to do this occasionally . I have seen posts when a poster has been against this but it's so occasional that I couldn't get worked up about an occasional invasion , I never slept naked due to this . Never doing this anymore due to being in 20s and 30s .Those days long gone .

I co slept when needed with all 3 of mine,
eldest 14 and youngest a newborn. Newborn is properly co sleeping with me currently. I didn’t do it full time with the others. I personally hate it 😂😂😂 I can’t wait for my kids to be in their own rooms. I don’t even enjoy sharing a bed with my partner to be honest never mind kids who shuffle and make noise etc 🙈

Co-sleeping and bed sharing is very common.
lullaby trust has guidelines on how to do this safely.
I share my bed with my 17 month old (since 5 months)
Talking to other parents it seems lots of people do they just don’t talk about it much as people tend to judge if you do.

Loads of people Co sleep - there a pages on fb dedicated to it

Interesting that people are saying they’re still sleep deprived with co sleeping. I wish I’d done it full time with my others, it used to take me hours per feed to feed and get them back down into their crib with the other two.
i would air up reading while feedin them etc.
my newborn is waking for a feed every 1.5-2 hours at night and my Fitbit registered 8.5 hours sleep for last night, between 9pm and 6.30am because I’m latching him on lying down and going back to sleep. When he wakes again I move sides and latch him on and go back to sleep. So I’m barely waking at all!! I’ve never been so well rested with a newborn and people actually keep commenting on how untired I look, I haven’t had a single day time nap since he was born. So yeah I am being woken in the night but it’s not at all that disruptive because I’m barely waking and I’m not doing anything. Compared to the other two when I could be awake for like 2 hours per feed, and then they’re awake again basically!!

I think if your baby can latch and stay latched on while you are sleeping without it being painful, breastfeeding and co-sleeping is easier. But lots of mothers can't sleep while breastfeeding because of pain or because the baby loses the latch.
But its when they are a bit older that co-sleeping can be a nightmare IME. If they lay down and went to sleep it would be fine. Instead IME my DC kicked, crawled all over me, poked my nose and face, etc. I once saw a meme shared in facebook about the reality of co-sleeping that summed up my experience. I am a bit envious of those who have babies and toddlers who just sleep and cuddle.

Cosleeping is as common, if not more so than it was 15/20 years ago. There's even advice and guidance on safe cosleeping on the lullaby trust website.

we co slept with 3yr old and co sleeping with 1yr old now. Most mornings we all wake up in the big bed and i absolutely love having both my girls in with me

I do it with my under 6 months. It’s really good for them to get the fresh air. It’s impossible to be with them all the time, that would ruin my mental health

One thing I did with my first that would probably be frowned upon now was leaving them outside to sleep during the day in their pram in the back garden. All my friends did it. He was always in my view as I would be in the kitchen but I t do I feel they got a proper sleep and the fresh air did them no harm

Yikes - I feel an odd one out! We never co-slept with our babies/children. They went in own room at 6 months too. Never even thought about co-sleeping or having them in our room after 6 months or so. Tbh can’t think of anything worse, it helped that they were really very good sleepers.

My child sucked Tabasco from a family members hand around 3-4 months. By 18 months had tried pretty much every food known to man. No big deal but expect it would be frowned upon now

@MarvellousMonsters "Cosleeping is as common, if not more so than it was 15/20 years ago. There's even advice and guidance on safe cosleeping on the lullaby trust website."

I am amazed-and pleased- that so many people are saying things like this. It certainly doesn't match what's happening in my social circle, or what I see on Mumsnet, but I'm glad that my perception is wrong