Is there anything you did with your babies that isn't OK now and you feel sad today's parents will miss out on?

[CurlewKate]

For me it's the family bed. We coslept all the time when they were little, then on and off until they were about 8 or 9. No sleep deprivation for anyone, easy to deal with nightmares or night waking. And such security and comfort for everyone. I know it wouldnmt work for every family, but I'm sad that it's obviously not OK to even try now..

I have co slept with both my children. The little one is 17 months. There is still sleep deprivation though!

I probably have a different view as one of my roles at work is to attend child deaths. In the past 6 months I've attended 6 deaths. 3 children over 5 (2 teenage suicide and 1 illness) all 3 babies (age 7 weeks 9 weeks and 18 weeks) were co sleeping unexplained. I definitely don't think it's worth the risk from my actual real life experience.
There are lots that don't die sure, but is it worth the risk?

My older 2 (in their 20’s) spent their childhood playing out on the cul de sac with the neighbours. When my eldest was a baby we didn’t have social media and so we just did whatever the health visitor told us - she visited me at home when she was 6 weeks old, and then I went weekly to baby clinic for weighing, and then at 12 weeks she ran a baby group weekly where we got advice on weaning, sleeping, caring and made friends with the other mums who had the same age babies. We used to put the babies on a mat in the middle of a circle of chairs and have a lovely chat as they kicked around. I hope that support is still out there but I don’t know if it is. It was invaluable to have ready made peer group going through the same thing. We set up a babysitting group, our currency was curtain rings!

@Mrspatmoresspoon oh gosh, the boot rides were the best.

@MoominPyjamas I think the big family parties are harder now because people are more scattered and families are smaller. And people have less time.

I'm sad that new parents have constant access to influencers and 'experts' that they have lost the ability to trust their instincts and must use whatever formulaic approach is fashionable because otherwise it's 'wrong'. The level of insecurity of doing things a different way or how you must use a particular approach etc just isn't very natural.

Oh they do! Maybe not at 1yrs, I can’t remember, but at 3yrs there were very definitely sweets. DS was also eligible for covid vaccines before most other kids and they had a virtual sweet shop for him to choose from afterwards! 😁 And balloons, colouring in, certificates. The full works!

Re cosleeping and sleep deprivation... if your child sleeps 12hrs a night in their own bed you are less likely to need to try xosleeping than one tha wakes every two hours. Until they are 2.5yo...

I used to leave mine napping in the pram in the garden after a walk. But we lived on an Army camp, it was a lot safer than the average garden.

I coslept with my now 15yo and I feel like it was much more taboo then, today it seems more accepted especially in the UK - it's the US where the advice is still a big blanket no-no. I remember I had an NCT teacher who in hindsight went massively off-script on a load of different topics and one of them was the co-sleeping one - she basically said look, statistically some of you are going to end up doing this so I want to let you know the big risks to avoid and how to manage the risks if you do choose to do it. She was absolutely brilliant. I do totally understand how it can be risky on a population level, but I also think there is space for individual advice about how to avoid risk, and if you are lucky enough to not have certain risk factors then it is very low risk. I expect though that unfortunately there is just not enough (wo)manpower to allow for individual advice. People barely seem to see a midwife/HV any more.

I went to Sure Start centres with him when he was about 2-4 years when I was a single parent and I absolutely adored this - what a brilliant lifeline they were. I am so sad they are all gone.

I’m not exactly sad about this one but always thought it was extra faff

when I had my daughter, it was perfectly acceptable to make bottles up and keep them for 24 hours in the fridge.

this was great , as in the evening when baby was in bed , I would wash up , sterilise and make 6 bottles for the next 24 hours and have them in the fridge, ready for a quick zap in the microwave.

the faffing about I see now by mums trying to make bottles out and about and keeping the milk separate with their lil baggies of powder like baby drug dealers or those dirty perfect prep machines cause mums need a bottle making at 2 in the morning

@Singleandproud my mum said the same thing about me and forums when I had mine 10+ years ago, but the reality is I was much better informed than she was due to my access to information, and frankly enabled me to make better choices over all. You can't raise babies on instincts alone, just look at the weaning debate. You need science and other experiences too.

Oh ours was jelly tots 😂 I used.to bribe a lot with a sweetie here and there I don't know how well that goes down.these days.

What on earth are you talking about? Loads of people cosleep!

@aldpiahvge no I agree, DD is 14 and access to forums you choose for particular issue are great and often written by experts who at least have training. Im talking more of the social media that has developed since then, the constant notifications that pinged to your phone if you choose to follow influencers, who in actual fact have no proper training whatsoever. The constant keeping up with the Jo ses but on a worldwide scale. Media has changed a lot in the last decade.

And can I ask how do you know it had anything to do with co sleeping?

Risk of SIDS is the same whether in cot or co-sleeping providing safe guidance is followed.

NHS updated their website to say it's ok as long as done safely

I also let my first baby nap absolutely anywhere - on a sofa, in a bouncer, in the car seat, sometimes I'd put him in the buggy and push it back and forth, I don't think I even laid it flat. I never worried for a second about any of these things. This was much more relaxed. I have two younger ones (5 and 2) and so am aware of the more up to date guidance - I did occasionally let them nap in these things, but I was more anxious about it. I think safe sleep advice in general has gone a bit bonkers. I do understand there are higher risks from the inclined surfaces, and I would never have used one for a full overnight's sleep but I don't know what use came from me worrying for those occasional naps. I feel like the whole tone of sleep advice now (maybe just on the internet) is very, very fear focused and I don't think this is healthy.

That said I have been converted to the video monitors. I used to think audio only was better and that's what I had for DC1 and DC2 until he was about 2 and I borrowed one from a friend, DH was instantly converted and we got one with 2 cameras ready for DC3. It's helpful to be able to check if they are actually standing up in the cot needing attention or they are just crying in their sleep from a fart/bad dream which will sort itself out within a minute or so.

Likewise baby led weaning was brilliant in 2009 - remember Aitch and her forum?? And the MNer whose HV was highly suspicious and wrote "Mum has given baby human food" in the red book and we all put pictures up of our babies covered in spaghetti bolognese and eating different things. It was so great because you had support from all other mums just doing their mum thing and no utterly loathable Joe Wicks thinking he has invented weaning and no overpriced courses to buy to discover how to chop things for different ages with a million complicated guidelines and no FB groups insisting totally mad shit like "if you have given your baby a spoonful of puree once you must completely stop weaning and start again or they will choke to death".

In fact when you put a photo on the internet before 2013 or so, you didn't have a million people jumping on you ready to nitpick every single thing they have spotted in the background waiting like an eager puppy for an internet point. (NB, I have been guilty of this but I've stopped doing it now). And (perhaps wrongly) we didn't worry about our children growing up and being unhappy about the photos, or about paedophiles downloading them.

And you could write a MN thread and be fairly anonymous and not expect it to go viral and get printed in the Daily Mail.

@scruffydogstinks Do you happen to know if they were following the Safe Sleep Seven? I've always understood that the vast majority of cosleeping deaths related to unsafe cosleeping arrangements, such as a on a sofa or where a parent had been drinking etc.

There was someone else on the first page, I think, spilling rubbish about how co sleeping is still more risky than using cot.

Please read 'informed is best' by Dr. Amy Brown where she explains the statistics. And until you do, don't spread your false information here.

The only thing I can think of is being able to give medised - anyone else remember that magic medicine?! I only used it when my eldest was unwell but it meant a good night's sleep for all rather than up with a snotty crying little one.

Other than that, I look at my nieces with their babies and can't see that they're missing out on much. I am glad social media wasn't such a thing for me when mine were little. That must add a lot of pressure

That’s probably because they’re cosleeping out of desperation as their child sleeps badly! Those who have children who sleep well in cots generally don’t even attempt cosleeping. Most people plan to use a cot at the start and those who end up cosleeping do so when their child doesn’t sleep.

My dad would say parking the pram in front of the pub while he had a pint 😂
I co-slept with all of my 3, oldest is 18. I didn’t have them in the UK though but in a country where co-sleeping is totally normal. They have a lower rate of SIDs as well so I don’t know if that has anything to do with it.

I am glad I had mine before the use of phones and tablets to entertain everyone became the norm.
It saddens me when you see parents glued to their phones and ignoring their children, but then the children, often very young toddlers, are also glued to a phone. And not just when they are doing something boring like waiting for a bus, you see young kids in the park and walking round shops with a phone in their hand, or groups of schoolchildren walking home, all staring at their phones.

I am sure this is just the formula companies trying to get you to buy more formula.

If it was so toxic it was a threat to health after 30 mins, it wouldn’t be legal to sell it as a food for babies.

How we loved Medised!! I still miss and my girls are 20 and 22, and at uni! 😆😆😆😆