Is there anything you did with your babies that isn't OK now and you feel sad today's parents will miss out on?

[CurlewKate]

For me it's the family bed. We coslept all the time when they were little, then on and off until they were about 8 or 9. No sleep deprivation for anyone, easy to deal with nightmares or night waking. And such security and comfort for everyone. I know it wouldnmt work for every family, but I'm sad that it's obviously not OK to even try now..

My children are aged between 12 and 4

I've co slept with all of them.

I miss the surestart playgroup that was around when my eldest was a baby. We went every week from six weeks up until I went back to work at 9 months. I made my best friends there.

They'd all stopped and closed by the time second was here.

Co-sleeping wasn’t “ok” when my now nearly-eleven year old was born. I tried to do everything “by the book” and I think I will regret it for the rest of my life. I said, “fuck the book” when her sister was born a few years later, and I’m so glad I did. Totally, TOTALLY different experience. X

Hanging out with other families in a relaxed way. We both worked, but there was no idea that weekends were sacrosanct family time. I remember meeting up with others for breakfast, then inviti9ng them back to ours and them hanging around most of the day. It seemed far more social and far less structured.

Everything being less organised. Again I remember inviting other kids round for tea that evening. Now friends with young children say everything has to be booked in advance. It just seemed more spontaneous.

I've had my babies within the past five years. Both had daily naps in the garden, and I definitely left them to have a shower, toilet, grab lunch. I've never been told to be with them at all times for the first six months, that sounds mental. How much trouble can a newborn get up to asleep in a cot?

Also - before my time as a parent but thinking back to when I was a child (I'm just about to turn 40)

No panic about sugar and stuff - while my mom didn't buy fizzy drinks for home, unless special occasion, squash was our go-to drink and a bottle of coke or glass of coke while our and about with a bag of crisps or chocolate bar was fine. Now I'm paranoid about even my oldest having a bottle of fizzy pop in case someone judges me. Same for lunchboxes!

Kids being able to just play - my kids spend hours just playing outside with their mates, like i used to, but so many can't/dont.

Everyone seems to have to organise activities for their children or play with them - I can count on one hand the amount of times I've sat and played with my kids. Not because I don't want to (I don't, though!) but because I think it's important for them to be able to entertain themselves. My four year old is quite happy playing Barbie's by herself or getting paper and crayons to draw.

The need to do 'big' days out all the time - farms, zoos etc. again, my children spend most of their holidays playing in the garden or park outside with their mates and love it!

I think the 6 months alone thing is not sleeping in a room on their own til 6 months- not never being alone at all? I could be wrong.....

I come from the relaxed about sugar era...and we nearly all have dreadful teeth. My children and their friends have very few fillings. Not everything in the past was better!

I co-slept with mine all late teens now.

MW and HV with first were supportive told us how to do it safely -moved areas and HV hit roof threaten me - so officially I wasn't actually we did with next two as well.

I think mostly my kids have had more time resources and opportunities than I at least did. DH did holiday abroad I didn't - we done UK holidays though they've all been abroad with school trips which again I couldn't do.

Extended family get togethers don't happen in either family really now. My childhood paternal family was scattered but made effort for big anniversaries to travel - now they don't even for funerals. Our DGP had big extended parties for big wedding anniversary date when IL and my DP got to same dates - IL went on holiday two of them and my parents ignored it though us kids all sent gifts and made offers to do things.

Playing out came later for them- secondary rather than primary years. I was around during school holidays - as DH often was - but their peers often weren't till teens years at least - so I ended up doing often organised or days out with them instead.

Yeah we used to spend entire summers at our grandparents. How lucky were my mum and dad! I have to take unpaid leave then spend every day taking my children to farms and other activities just so they don't spend all day watching Scooby Do.

My daughter was told she had to be with the baby at all times for the first six months.

It's being in own bedroom at night for SIDs risk - though IME advice often gets scrambled or spin added to.

As it turns out PFB and last were Velcro babies so being with someone usually me was their normal - but everyone else got time when their kids napped in afternoons or would sleep in cots in early evening in parents room.

Or the past about the gym class and everyone berating the OP for potentially leaving her 11 year old daughter at home for 15 whole minutes. The world has gone mad!

Fewer teen jobs here - some of their friends manager to get some - but our lack of driving and fewer opportunities have hampered them. The older two have volunteered instead but it's not quite the same as getting money and having less flexibility with hours and being on time

Not quite baby level - but is a difference between our childhoods and now.

Oh loads of things… sucking dummies, passing them around relatives like ‘pass the parcel’, not giving a shit about routines, bottle AND breast feeding, co-sleeping with sometimes a baby and a toddler - we just got through it as best we could to optimise sleep and good times. I think dogmatic parenting advice makes people (mothers especially) too neurotic and anxious.

It is because children is anyone under 18 and legal safeguarding rules apply. So some small employers may ignore safeguarding laws. But most employers do not and just find it too much extra work to take on a 16 or 17 year old that they have to apply safeguarding rules to.

My DM used to reward us with sweets for being good when we went to the dentist !!!!!!

My kids are still young but second has been treated differently to the first - much more relaxed.

It might be the circles I move in but the pressure to co-sleep, 'gentle-parent', baby-led wean and generally just be attached to your kid at all times is pretty intense. I have tried and failed at all those things (except never tried to co-sleep) and am now very happily just doing what felt best to me and my children (own beds, firm but fair, purees early on and not entirely child centred weekends). The last one really gets to me sometimes - I swear nobody I know just has a weekend of pottering about at home, getting jobs done, maybe some sort of exercise for everyone. It's always full-on day trips constantly.

Agree with you. Did all of that. And shock horror - I sometimes left them with DH (who weirdly enough is 50% of their DNA and therefore also a parent) to run errands, do other things. I do not have children or pets in bed - that is my space with my husband, to rest, talk, have adult space and time away from them. I allowed other people to hold them, feed them. Oh and get your crucifixes out because both grandparents saw them on the day they were born, they weren't banished for 2 months, my MIL pushed my son's pram out of the hospital and my mum saw my daughter's first steps. Our house wasn't an unruly pigsty (not Good Housekeeping standards but it was fine), and we didn't survive off ready meals or demand that other people cook and clean for us.
Got a healthy and balanced 7 and 9 year old now. Neither is traumatised, neither has 'issues' or problems forming bonds, and DH and I are solid.

Actually this is another one. There are always posts about why you shouldn’t have three kids because when they get to primary and secondary they are busy with so many clubs. I look at what the posters list and I’m shocked! It’s so much!

yeah that's another area the pressure is so much. We currently have swimming after school, and that's enough. But it's already coming at us from all sides that maybe we should consider scouts...martial arts...gymnastics...football...what instrument will we choose next year? Geeees!! We just want to go throw rocks in the river and climb trees, ttyl 😅

The need to do 'big' days out all the time - farms, zoos etc. again, my children spend most of their holidays playing in the garden or park outside with their mates and love it!

Totally agree with this - my DC love a good weekend of pottering around the house and garden playing with their toys, with a couple of longish local walks jumping in puddles and picking up sticks. But friends and colleagues don't believe me - they all seem to spend every single weekend at zoo/farm/soft play/water park/Peppa pig world.

Definitely co sleeping, very much a cultural thing in my experience. The cot was basically never used in our house.

Going to Sunday school and taking turns on who travelled in the boot!

Family gatherings (although still a thing for us) getting up to mischief with your cousins and falling asleep in random places.

playing out and the adventure of the summer holidays

I took mine to weddings!

You don't find many people who ask babies and toddlers to their weddings now, do you? Not from what I read in Bridezilla threads on here anyway.

NHS and lullaby trust both say if a baby is asleep it should be in the same room as you, day or night. Sorry I did not mean to say you can never ever leave the child. But it does seem to preclude napping outside, or in it's own room

We never did the co-sleeping thing. It would have driven me potty, all that wriggling and shuffling about and limbs everywhere. Not my cup of tea. I like my own space and can barely tolerate sleeping with DH!