Is there anything you did with your babies that isn't OK now and you feel sad today's parents will miss out on?

[CurlewKate]

For me it's the family bed. We coslept all the time when they were little, then on and off until they were about 8 or 9. No sleep deprivation for anyone, easy to deal with nightmares or night waking. And such security and comfort for everyone. I know it wouldnmt work for every family, but I'm sad that it's obviously not OK to even try now..

So glad I had mine before phones were so ubiquitous. I think little ones miss out on so much as a result of parents being on their phones- I'm no better than anyone else so I suspect if phones had been around then I'd have been on mine just as parents are now.

It also opens lots of new worlds to little ones too, if used in the right capacity

Times have definitely changed, cry it out was the advice back in the day (I’m in my 30s and my dad sadly told me he did this with me as he was advised too) now co-sleeping is very much normal, I still sleep with my daughter who is almost 4 and I have a 3 month old son who I am co sleeping with - it feels so natural and I feel so sad thinking they’d be sleeping on their own in. A dark room? It just gets to me lol.
like you said, night wakings are easier as you are right there and I think personally they would wake LESS as they feel safer with you. My daughter sleeps great and has done since 3. Don’t even know she is there sometimes lol

And to say also I have lots of friends who do the same, my sister also cosleeps with her 4 year old. I think I started it and they realised it was ok to do lol

@SpunkyMintZebra I don't know if you're thinking that leaving a baby to cry was the advice thirty years ago when you were a baby was the advice at the time you're wrong . that must have been your own parents idea's . Because it definitely wasn't the advice at the time . I know because I was a mother at the time .

Just what I was told 🤷🏽‍♀️ maybe not what you were advised, my friends mum said the same to me, it’s still advised sometimes now to be fair - it horrifies me it’s done to be honest

My eldest is 32 and ASD. It’s exactly the advice I was given by my HV. I was told that it would only take a few nights if I left him to cry, and just go in and shush him every 20 minutes. I’m sure that back then individual HVs would have their own opinions and try and push their preferred methods. I was also advised by my GP to start weaning at 6 weeks!

Babies/toddlers/kids sat in prams/restaurants with phones and tablets. Especially little ones in prams with a phone in hand. Drives me mad!
Don't get me wrong of we're out in a restaurant/pub for a while, I'll let them have them on for a little bit, but we'll take 'stuff' to do as a family, or colouring/crafting.

CIO wasn't official advice when I had my first 28 years ago. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was advised against in the red book...

I feel so sad thinking they’d be sleeping on their own in. A dark room? It just gets to me lol.

My children sleep on their own in a dark room. As did I, until I was 29. I don't see the issue. They're asleep. If they wake up and want me, they'll shout (believe you me!)

I have no issue with co-sleeping but it's scarcely a terribly sad thing to have a child sleeping peacefully in their own room?!

My mum was very confused by the concept of me referring to "the advice" because she reckons that when she had babies (late 80s/90s) there wasn't really any official advice as such in the way that we seem to discuss it now on MN. She said people read books, though she didn't, and they talked to their own mums, and apart from that you just got on with it. There are some stories like my grandma was advised not to breastfeed in the 50s, no idea of the context of that or where it came from. She had some health issues from TB, so perhaps it was that, but it was definitely advised to her by a doctor or midwife because she had been quite wistful when my mum breastfed us and said that she wasn't allowed.

I know there was that back to sleep anti cot death campaign in the 90s, I wonder if that was the start of "official advice"?

My eldest is 34, weaning was advised at 3 months by my HV, and baby was expected to sleep throught the night by 6 months.

Very true, 'the advice' was just what your HV or maybe GP told you, or what your mum and friends did.
I mean, I was advised in the 2010s by a GP to put rice in a bottle for a 3 month old, obviously with the internet I knew that wasn't official advice, but if you couldn't look it up for yourself then you'd just have to trust your doctor.
My mum says the advice in the 80s was milk only and no solids until at least 4 months and was very dismissive of other 80s mums who were still weaning at 3 months or giving cows milk before 6 months. But then those mums were probably advised to do that by older HVs or relatives.

I had my first baby in 1995. Obviously no internet, but everyone had the official NHS "red book" where the baby's progress was recorded and which had brief guidelines about sleeping and weaning and so on. There were other booklets that you got at birth I think-there was one called Emily's Diary which had more information, and in my authority there were pre and post natal classes available. Funding wasn't quite so shit then! Lots of us also swore by the What To Expect.....books.

Interesting, I had a red book for DS1 (now 15) but I can't remember if it had advice in it - I obviously didn't read it

We were given a 0-5 book from the NHS which had advice in it but I lost it or maybe I just threw it away when he got to age 5. I don't remember it being useful, but then I had MN so I probably just asked on here.

This is so sad.

I wish people would understand that guidance changes for a reason. The amount of times I've argued with my MIL because in her day it wasn't done like that.

There has always been advice of some kind or another. I used Hugh Jolly Book of Childcare in late 70's/early 80's which was great because it basically told you to listen to your baby, your body and your intuition. Gina Ford was not around, thank god. Everyone laid babies on their stomachs which we now know is dangerous. However, they slept very well and became strong because they were always pushing themselves up. I used to leave my babies to cry for 10 minutes at night - common practice then - and pick them up very quietly if they hadn't settled, but that only lasted a few nights. They were out of nappies during the day at 18 months, the little boy I child minded was very quick but it took less than a week for each child. Because cloth nappies got wet immediately, they knew when they had peed so they were half way there. A few days of running around with bare bottoms and the job was done. I think it's more difficult now that disposables are so good that they don't realise they've done a wee. It does bother me that using nappies for longer leads to more landfill.

There's plainly been back and forth on cosleeping. My son's great gran (82) says that it's so great that we're "allowed to cosleep" because they had the fear of god put into them 60 years ago.

It's quite funny, because GMIL has VERY different attitudes to child rearing to MIL, and GMIL is very supportive of "modern methods" which she rates as very sensible and researched, whilst MIL has been badgering us to wean at 3 months etc.

@scruffydogstinks that’s horrifically sad. I’m assuming they weren’t bedsharing safely? Also was it the bedsharing that actually killed them or was it Sids? The SIDS I’ve heard of always happened in own cot which is actually why I was scared NOT to cosleep!

As I said in a previous post, when the death happens when co sleeping the coroner will never call it Sids as they can say whether it was Sids or suffocation for sure. So many may well be Sids but it will always say unexplained on the death certificate.

My point is , my only experience personally of unexplained baby deaths the common factor has always been co sleeping.

Also as I said, many many co sleeping babies are absolutely fine, but from my personal experience of baby deaths, it's not worth the risk.

Sorry typo, they CANNOT say whether it was Sids or suffocation

What?! I have a 9 month old and we cosleep every night. Not planning on stopping for a very long time. Lots of people do cosleep and just sensibly follow safety guidelines.

And that's great, well done you. As I have repeatedly said many many people co sleep fine, but my personal experience of dealing with baby deaths are all babies who died while co sleeping. I'm sure those mothers thought it was fine too until the worst happened.
I'm not telling you not to, I'm saying that from my experience I wouldn't because I have watched the worse thing happen to to many families.

But statistically only fractionally fewer babies die co-sleeping rather than in cots. Your experience isn't the same as data.

Demonising it wouldn't help anyway, because the vast majority of parents end up with the baby in the bed at some point - something like 90%. And it's far, far better that they know how to safely than to do it on the hop.

The safety guidelines were too much of a pain in the ass for me. I would’ve had to deconstruct my bed, buy a floor one or put the mattress on the floor, moved the bedside tables, bought onesies to sleep in… all way too much faff.

I find with Co sleeping it buys you a bit more sleep initially but makes sleep worse in the long run. If you can persevere with the cot, once they’ve cracked sleeping in it you’ll all sleep like logs