Is there anything you did with your babies that isn't OK now and you feel sad today's parents will miss out on?

[CurlewKate]

For me it's the family bed. We coslept all the time when they were little, then on and off until they were about 8 or 9. No sleep deprivation for anyone, easy to deal with nightmares or night waking. And such security and comfort for everyone. I know it wouldnmt work for every family, but I'm sad that it's obviously not OK to even try now..

We co slept and the kids still come into our bed some nights. It's considered really normal 😂

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1346731.Three_in_a_Bed

I read this ( she's been mentioned upthread but not linked, unless I missed it)

Agree with this.

When I was growing up we were regularly taken to the houses of family/friends of a Friday night, the adults would all get on the beers while we played and roamed the garden. Used to get home late usually carried sleeping from the car.

Felt like everyone had these ‘parties’, now it would be seen as negligent

Good for you?

really beginning to read like a thinly veiled thread of self congratulation tbh

@Welovecrumpets I do think you're taking a rather strange view of my posts. But hey, if it helps...<spreads hippy peace and love>

@Iwerbe@EggcornAcorn I have a 2 and 5 year old, both have napped in the pram in the garden, or just on a blanket in the garden. Especially the 2 year old who was a May baby and born in a heatwave. Most friends have done the same. But I guess within line of sight of an adult, rather than just out there solo. Maybe that's the difference?

The pressure on mums not to leave the baby is immense now. I remember the anxiety the first time I left my baby in his cot whilst I had a shower. I had the bedroom and bathroom door open and took the monitor with me. He wasn't able to even roll over yet...so really what was going to happen?! But was very much the message that you should be with them at all times which made me feel like it wasn't okay to be in the other room even for a moment.

Am trying to address the balance of this more and more with our family. I let the bigger one roam when we're in the park or woods. I remember how magic it was feeling like I was off on my own having adventures. When I was the same age we lived in an army camp, so I had loads of freedom because it was surrounded by a massive fence and nearly everyone knew each other. Now with DS have a series of calls/noises so we can check where he is, or call him back. Once he was marched back to me by older women. He'd fallen over so she brought him back and then ranted at me that I was an irresponsible mother to allow my 5 year old out of my sight. We had agreed the route he was going to take and I was just about to go look for him because he'd been a bit longer than expected, but I didn't want to have to start justifying my behaviour to this lady so I just thanked her for bringing him back and then turned my attention to him to check he was okay. Has made me hesitant to do it again in public parks tbh. Judgement is so strong, and people live in fear of abduction etc. You're taught to worry, all the time. So that's something I wish I could bring back, the joy of kids being free range, both for the kids and the parents!

Lol

It does just read like you wanted people to say ‘oh wow you bed shared’ though

Like I said it’s very common now. I’ve done it on and off, but never got a good nights sleep so prefer sleeping on my own

@Iwerbe Thank you for linking-I assumed it would be out of print. Sadly, Do Not Disturb, which I think is wonderful is.

I agree with this. I chose to be self employed because I wanted to be there in the afternoons after school (I'm aware I'm very lucky to be able to do this, but also this was a conscious choice). I'm free for playdates, trips etc, but no one else is! I suggest playdates but no one is able to do them because they're either working or weekends are family time. So my DC are solely mine to entertain for hours after school 😅

It makes it so much more difficult, doesn't it?

You see, shit like this. It's just utter madness. I did, and would still put a baby outside in a pram.

Of course it's okay to bedshare now. Lots of people do it and always have. Mine are 11 & 6 and I don't think much has changed since when I had them. The only thing I'd say is that there was certainly less reliance on devices and tech that I think there is now, which I think is a good thing. But that's obviously very much a personal choice and parenting decision and no one is forced to shove their baby in front of a screen today either.

Long drives to go on holiday my little sister would stretch out on the back seat and I would sleep on the parcel shelf.
Dad used to sit me on his lap and let me steer the car round car parks.
Being given a packet of crisps and a bottle of coke and left to run riot in the beer garden.
Falling asleep under tables at family parties, sometimes the adults would just leave us there for the night so we got an impromptu sleepover with our cousins.

Came here to say this. I find it hard to believe that making up the bottle wherever you are is hygienic.

I know loads of people that co-sleep now, what makes you think it doesn't happen?

Yes to the medised! I have a 9 year old full of cold at the moment and I wish I could give him medised.

The children's centre. Loads of different groups and you only had to pay £1

Soft Play used to be really good value for money and you could stay all day. When dh was working away I used to decamp there for the day. Less than a fiver per child, £1.50 for a jug of squash. Can't remember how much lunch was. Children were knackered by the end and asleep without playing up. Now I pay over £10 per child, £4.50 each for refillable drinks and you can only stay for 2 hours. And we only have 1 Soft Play within 20 minutes drive away now (we used to have 4) so it's always heaving.

Seems to me that there has been lots and lots or research, and certain things have come up as a tiny tiny risk of cot death, and so this is used a stick to beat parents with ( well the mother....always the mother) So now if anything goes wrong it's the mum's fault, it's neglect, and nothing is ever just one of those ( undeniably devastating) things.
DD was also told she had to sleep on one side ( I forget which) to reduce stillbirth risk.

It's so much pressure being a parent in such a risk averse society.

If someone tells you they have never gotten their child in their bed or gone to theirs - they are lying and/or don't care. Cannot believe how someone wouldn't give their child this comfort.

Likewise baby led weaning was brilliant in 2009 - remember Aitch and her forum??

@BertieBotts I spent so much time on that forum, I was one of the top posters 😳. It was a great forum really supportive, I met up with some of the northern BLWers a few times.

Our local midwife breastfeeding specialist told me about BLW in 2008, I went home and read every post on Aitch's blog (before the forum and even before Gill Rapley's book came out) and was immediately convinced that was what I wanted to do, it just made so much sense. DD1 took to it straight away and then we had a local breastfeeding group picnic that I took her to aged 6 months 1 week or something and she sat there eating a ricecake and convinced half the Mums there to try BLW!

WRT cosleeping it was something that years ago people knew was OK if you were a bit of a hippy BFing parent and there was nobody who'd been drinking in the bed. My kids always started the night in their own bed but I lay down to BF DD2 and DS at night and would sometimes drift in and out of sleep and they would often still be in our bed in the morning. Think that's pretty normal and most people I knew did it. My Mum on the other hand was very against it, but not because of safety reasons, but because she didn't think it was good for a marriage to have children in the bed with you.

Getting a lift home from brownies with 4 or 5 of us in the back seat of the car and perhaps another couple in the foot wells. It was only a few minutes journey and I doubt it got above about 30mph but still very much more frowned upon (and of course illegal) now!

It’s not surprising. I would be a bag of nerves if I were a young mum these days! CCTV on the cot, mattress sensors to tell you if they’re not breathing, not being allowed to put them down and cry while you have a shower or a pee, or make some lunch… it’s a recipe for a breakdown. My heart goes out to Mums now.

It does, but it's still touted as being a big risk. Whereas years ago we all did it quite cheerfully. At least, some of us did, and some didn't want to, and that's fine too. I think I'm the only one of my early 90s tribe that co- slept deliberately. I also have pictures of babies fast asleep, face down on their sleeping dad's chest. Was always so snuggly! Obviously wouldn't do that now!

Yup! There was a thread just the other day about whether it was okay to leave an 8 year old at home for a few moments to pop to the corner shop. I think at 9 I was home by myself after school for an hour before mum got home from work. When my mum was 9 she used to take a picnic and basically disappear for the day and noone knew where she was or what she was doing. Goodness knows what it'll be like for 9 year olds in another 30 years from now.

@Iwerbe I wasn't told a particular side just not to sleep on my back. I asked what happens if I roll on my back while asleep and was told that's fine just don't go to sleep on your back. Never made sense to me.

My mum had 10 kids in a Mini once. It was a van type so you could put the back seats down flat. Probably at least 2 of us were on the front passenger seat.