Is there anything you did with your babies that isn't OK now and you feel sad today's parents will miss out on?

[CurlewKate]

For me it's the family bed. We coslept all the time when they were little, then on and off until they were about 8 or 9. No sleep deprivation for anyone, easy to deal with nightmares or night waking. And such security and comfort for everyone. I know it wouldnmt work for every family, but I'm sad that it's obviously not OK to even try now..

@BringMeSunshineAllDayLong "Strangely though most people I know who co-sleeps/slept are/were terribly sleep deprived! We did a mix."

That's why I said "family bed". We decided in advance that we were going to bed share and planned it out. So we never had the middle of the night stress of "Oh ALL RIGHT, come IN then!!" We were proper hippy parents!🤣

Oh yes I remember 😀

When I was a child we had a Volvo with a seat in the boot that flipped up that sat two people in it. I don't think it had seat belts but I might be wrong.
My son is 27 now. We used to put him in the pram in the back garden to sleep. One afternoon we went out with him and left the pram in the garden. The heavens opened and our next door neighbour rushed round thinking ds was in the pram!

Deborah Jackson, who wrote Three In A Bed, Letting Go as They Grow and Do Not Disturb was my guru! I'm scared to google her now, just in case.......

My DM used to LOVE taking us all to the Baby Clinic at the local church hall every week to be weighed (1950's/60's). There was always a HV to talk to, there was a table where you could purchase baby formula, juice and medicines and, of course, there were crowds of local mums so a lot of contacts were made. It was all hugely supportive and it's such a shame that this doesn't happen any more although, obviously I understand the reasons why.

After DM died we found all of our Baby Weight cards in a drawer amongst her other 'treasures' . . .

I’m 37 and we had cars with extra pop up seats in the boot - they definitely had seat belts!!

prior to that we just used to sit in the boot if there were too many people for the car though 😂

I know at least three families that co sleep and up until at least 8. We don't but the kids are always in my bed 🙄

I took mine to the baby clinic weekly it was great you got to know other mums once my youngest went to school I used to volunteer at the baby clinic just to chat and basically bother babies 😂 it closed down an went Health visitor appointments which I thought was a shame and that community was lost.

My DM used to LOVE taking us all to the Baby Clinic at the local church hall every week to be weighed (1950's/60's). There was always a HV to talk to, there was a table where you could purchase baby formula, juice and medicines and, of course, there were crowds of local mums so a lot of contacts were made. It was all hugely supportive

I was lucky enough to have all that when I had my babies in the late '80s. Now the clinic (which also hosted the paediatric dentist, physio, chiropodist and and speech therapist and ante natal classes) is all boarded up.

And yes, I'm sad that my daughter feels more isolated than I did as a mum of small children, because there's no longer the community of mums at home in the day. We were in and out of each others houses (not meeting at cafes) and the babies got free and easy socialisation.
I was fortunate to have the choice whether to return to work or to stay home for those few years. My DD simply doesn't have a choice.

We had a baby sitting circle in our area. The mums were all SAHM and we met for coffee and a lecture one evening a month and we baby sat for each other earning points we could use to pay a sitter when we wanted one. I am very sad for all the mothers who seem so isolated these days.

@Singleandproud yes I see what you mean, my eldest is the same age so I managed to side step that one!

To those asking, if co sleeping the coroner can't declare sids so will be recorded as unexplained. As part of my role I also attend the post mortems. No medical reason discovered but the common factor I saw (please note I'm not a medical expert) was small amount of blood around the nose when discovered by parent, which I'm told by the pathologists can indicate suffocation in infants but without other symptoms too can't confirm suffocation. Suffocation in an infant doesn't necessarily mean having face fully cover, could be lack of air flow due to blankets and duvets or parents moving in the night and getting too close to face. The issue is, when you're asleep you don't know what you're doing.
My point is, yes there is sids, but all the 'sids' I've been to have been co sleeping, none in cots. I gave the example of last few months but I've been to more over a longer period, and so have my colleagues.

As I said, many people co sleep perfectly fine, I just think, due to my experience, it's an unnecessary risk.

This! I didn't even read a book. I went to a couple of HV talks, a birth lesson, all pretty basic and some of it frankly batshit. Didn't do NCT. I think information overload is not good for mental health, it tends to fuel, rather than assuage anxiety.

The nurses tell me they're not allowed to, but are always very positive about the fact I've brought my own supply of chocolate buttons with me!

I think information overload is not good for mental health, it tends to fuel, rather than assuage anxiety.

I think that depends on personality, for me research gives me a sense of control and understanding which always helped me.

Totally agree with the lack of social events and parties. People just aren't that social anymore. I remember loads of parties and dinner parties growing up.
We have people around but when it's other friends turn to host they just suggest going out for dinner.
Luckily we have a very sociable street but some school mum friends I know hardly do anything and never have people over. I think people are so paranoid about not having a perfect instagram home they never have people over.
I suppose we're all working nowadays so we're all probably too knackered!

Ugh I'm glad my kids were in their own rooms from day one! That's not approved of now but I had a good routine and had evenings (and overnights) with my husband. Only time I had a child in bed was if they were ill (or the odd nightmare). I exclusively breastfed and was easy to get up feed them then they went straight back down.
And no hard adjustment to moving them in to their own rooms of course!

@mondaytosunday you don't actually have to all go to bed at the same time if you have a family bed!

My babies slept anywhere and everywhere. I breastfed lying down in bed. We left them in a cot or playpen so we could have a wee, have a quick shower, cook dinner in peace. Alternatively cooked dinner with a baby under one arm ( looking at you, youngest child!)
We didn't have phones. We could hang out with our mates and their mates and we'd keep an eye on the kids between us because most of my friendship group worked part time, evenings and weekends.
They played out. We just tumbled around together, grandparents weren't working so we'd go and play there.
We read baby books but also talked to our mums, aunties and older sisters/friends what they thought about things.
We just had more time and I'm so grateful for that.

YY I loved the Deborah Jackson books and also did cosleep from the start. (She doesn't seem to return much on google these days). I had a normal cot and took the side off and strapped it to the bed as the only commercial co-sleeper then was the Arm's Reach one which was £££ as had to be imported from America.

I got a purpose built co-sleeper for DC2 and it was rubbish compared to the home made one, though, again, quite understand why making your own isn't really encouraged - it's a shame because it was so much sturdier, being custom built to the bed, and lasted longer.

I think cosleeping is simply a lot more complicated than cot sleeping. Things can go wrong because an adult bed isn't designed for a baby and you have to actually take steps to make it safer. Some people won't know to do that or will get it wrong especially because there isn't really a good source of info. I know everyone says "Safe sleep seven" these days but I think it's much more complicated than this, and trying to make it sound simple does actually add to the problem.

There was a review recently which again showed that with co-sleeping deaths there is generally an extra risk factor such as adult bedding near the baby, parent having consumed alcohol etc.

Whereas cot guidelines are easy - cots are designed to be safe for babies and you actually have to do stuff to them, like adding bumpers, adding loads of bedding or modifying the angle etc - to make them unsafe.

The problem is when the baby doesn't take easily to it - that's when I think you need a more nuanced approach and ideally one to one guidance from somebody with training and a good understanding of the issues. Which unfortunately isn't really practical especially with staffing issues.

Naps in the pram in the garden, does anyone do that nowadays?

I don't think so. My daughter was told she had to be with the baby at all times for the first six months.

It was always magic when you got to be in the boot! Have done it with my DC a few times, but on fields/car parks/beaches/campsites etc rather than en route to the cinema like it was when I was a kid!

My brother used to sleep on the parcel shelf. Also found out my sister never had a car seat, she just was in the back, sometimes in her baby bouncer. So very different!

Yes I agree. The young mums I know are all very anxious.

Huh? Co sleeping is seen as the answer to everything on here and surely you know that. Seems like you just want an excuse to bang your earth mother drum. In the 90s when I was growing up nobody slept in their parents beds (or very few).