I’m the same. I have a close friend who I would love to do more with but she is part of a friendship group that I declined to join because of one woman. She’s not all bad but is a bit of an annoying butterfly who can be very confrontational. She likes everyone to think that she was a high flyer with a fantastic career. In fact she worked in an industry where she struggled with the actual job so ended up in marketing. She had her children in her late 20s and has been a SAHM since. So she never climbed the corporate ladder. She’s a bright woman but I always felt that she looked down on me. Perhaps because my DH wasn’t a professional, whereas I was a dentist who had my own practice.
She once asked me if I was comfortable supporting my DH, I asked her whether her DH was happy supporting her, probably not the best reply.
So yes, I agree, sometimes it’s easier to side step some groups to avoid the toxic women. And yes you do miss out on a few friendships.
At times I have been used by so called friends, and that has put me off getting too close to people. Also friends through work can be a problem, particularly when you are the boss. I have always tried to keep things professional to avoid problems. Early on in my career I “fell out” with a couple of women I worked with, they abused their position because they relied on the fact they had formed a close friendship with me. So after that I avoided becoming socially involved.
It’s really hard when you know you could be good friends outside of work.
Now I’m semi retired and starting to meet up with people, like me, that also had careers that didn’t allow them too much social life outside of the family.
I have also started to look at hobbies. Unfortunately when I initially sold my business in 2019 and went part time I had so many plans but then the world went mad and making new friends was impossible.
I’m not a miserable or difficult friend, but during my working life I just didn’t have the time to be a good friend. So I didn’t commit because I hate letting people down.