Why do you think some people have no friends?

[GoodnightJude1]

In your experience why do you think some people have no friends?

Is it because they’re not a nice person?
Is it because they don’t make enough effort with people?
Is it because they only talk about themselves?

Maybe I'm socially awkward but I don't think you did anything my wrong here😂

They could have asked where your dress was from if they like it, or asked more about you to continue the conversation -have confidence!

I don’t have any friends. I am quite happy about that and prefer my own company. I have a lot of acquaintances and enjoy chatting superficially with people at work etc but would never go out of my way to meet up or chat on the phone. I have thought about it a lot. It’s a few reasons:

1. I genuinely don’t care enough about other people’s lives to want to bother to get close.
2. I am a very private person and don’t like people knowing my business.
3. i don’t like feeling obligated to do things for people or putting obligations on others.
4. I enjoy activities that can be done best alone.
5. I feel no need to impress others or care what they think for a sense of self worth or validation.

I feel a bit sorry for people who have this great need to please other people all the time, I appreciate I’m in the minority though.

I hae 5 grown up children, and a lot of extended family.I go out occasionally with friends but it's a of a pita really.i just don't need them.i never initiate contact

I don’t have any friends. I think it isn’t helped by the fact that I hate myself and don’t think I have anything to offer anyone else in friendship. I’m not a nasty person though.

I have sone very old established friends from school & uni mainly but struggle to make new ones. I have found friendship circles have shrunk recently after a difficult year (bereavement and family illness) but the old faithfuls remained. I’ve noticed some other people drop off the radar in midlife particular where they’ve gone through difficult times or life changes. I do think friendship is a skill - as I was thrown together with friends at school/uni/nct I’ve learnt the how to stay in touch and maintain a friendship bit of it but think I’ve never mastered the how to turn an acquaintance into friend/build new friendship skills or even how to choose someone to be a friend.

I have family members who struggle with friendship and one thing I’ve noticed is they tend to “project” and talk a lot about their topics of interest but not show any interest in the other person, not remembering or asking about important things in the other person or showing any curiosity about them. Then my dh is good at making friends but rubbish about maintaining them, especially through the tough times as alluded above. I appreciate that sone of this may be linked to neurodiversity but I do think that it’s also about skills, confidence and taking the next step, all of which can be learnt.

I’m not interested in making new friends as I struggle with anxiety due to having a child with SEN. I can hardly maintain the friendships that I have, so I can’t add anyone else in to my life.

I have 2/3 best friends and 6 very good friends, friends for between 9 - 35+ years! I never go to work doos or anything social really, as I can’t be bothered because my time is sparse - I have no time with work etc… I don’t need any new friends because I couldn’t give the time and effort required to form a close friendship so there’s no point in going out with acquaintances in my opinion. I hardly see my own friends, so I don’t want to make the effort with people I’ve no interest in.

Having said that, if I really gel with someone I’ll make more effort. That’s how I’ve collected friends over the years 🤣

I had one good friend who would pin me down until I said yes then would invite her friends- who I don’t know- so id cancel because I’ve not got the energy for much so don’t want to spend what little free time I do have, with friends of friends. I don’t need or want any more friends. Anyway she rarely speaks now which is a shame but fine

I think it’s pure luck a lot of the time-I’ve met some of the loveliest children and they’re unfortunate enough to be in a class with people who make them nervous as they’re pushy and they just kind of fade into the background. Same kind of thing with adults.

Because people are wankers.

I’d highly recommend this book

https://www.wob.com/en-gb/books/dr-melanie-fennell/overcoming-low-self-esteem-2nd-edition/9781472119292?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADZzAIBaNBqYFPAEHjF-nit3rcZza&gclid=EAIaIQobChMImP6c97jyhQMVrIxQBh2b3wXcEAQYASABEgJsnPD_BwE#GOR008596922

Various reasons I think. Some people can't be bothered, some are too self centred or some are too wrapped up in family.

I remember a lady at my DS's primary school (over 20 years ago). She seemed friendly on the playground and we often chatted. She told me she wished she had friends. I liked her and thought it would be nice to become friends so I asked if she'd like to go for coffee sometime. She was delighted to be asked and enthusiastically agreed.

We both worked part time so days were a bit limited but not impossible. Well blow me, every date I suggested she couldn't do because she was either seeing her mum or cleaning. Whenever I asked what she was doing at the weekend, the answer was always the same: seeing mum and dad. In the end I stopped asking about the coffee as I felt stupid and presumed she wasn't interested. I also found the fact all her free time revolved around her parents dull and the way she utilised her spare time sounded boring.
After about the 4th time she couldn't make it (and she never suggested days or times herself), I just had enough and walked away (not literally!)

About a week later she came up to me and asked why I'd stopped asking to meet up. I just said maybe she should suggest some dates as the various ones I'd put forward had been no good. And guess what: she never did and we never had that coffee. So no wonder she didn't have friends: boring, dull and no initiative whatsoever.

Ds2 was so shy and lonely at secondary. He was suicidal at one point. Now he's an adult and very popular. He's still a bit shy but a lot more confident. It was heartbreaking at the time.

Same here, I have had friendships like that. They act like friends while I'm useful to them, but when they no longer need me to perform that function, they don't want to know any more. It's happened that many times, but I still don't see it coming.

No friends here either anymore. I now know in my 50s that I’m ND so that will be some of it and I always felt like I never learnt how to make decent friendships as a school aged child, I blame/blamed my toxic home life.

I currently have anxiety MH based illnesses, a separate physical illness, live hundreds of miles from my hometown and everyone I ever knew growing up so none of that helps nowadays. But I am friendly and get on well with people so don’t think it’s that and before I used to be confident, very social and worked in very busy crowded environments so hundreds of people per shift. I used to have a lot of friends but they are the come and go friends not ones that stick.

I had one best friend , I thought since my teens, but we are no longer friends. She calls me when she wants to complain to someone about family issues for a few hours maybe twice a year so I don’t call that a friendship.

So no help I’m afraid. I do prefer my own company, quiet hobbies and animals but that doesn’t help me build a circle of friends, I’d be happy with one.

Same here.

Are you on Facebook? There's some fab local social groups. I run some and there's often gigs etc. it's a way to socialise at least. Glad you're getting to go.

It's great for those genuine loners who don't want friends. But loneliness is a disease. It's horrendous. I do anything I can to prevent it. I get people together when I can.
You should embrace the shy and the awkward. They're often the best people.

I don't have many friends. It's because I am depressed.

Life's treated them like shit and they don't want to be the one in the friendship group that everyone else is glad they're not?

I've been betrayed. I find it difficult to trust people, there are too many users out there. It is easier to just not bother.

Maybe because most of the people they have met are idiots and so prefer the company of wolves🤣

Your own company is very more-ish.

How true. What a great insight. I used to be made to tag along with friends with other friends in the past and then worked out that I’m only invited to make themselves feel better about themselves. I started avoiding those sorts of womens get togethers at all costs and now 25 years later I have no friends. I guess by avoiding the nasty ones I missed out on the nice genuine people.

Those are basically stereotypes.
There can be more reasons why people don't have friends.

Let me give you a few more examples -

• they are depressed
• they are too shy
• they have too many family responsibilities
• they moved away a lot

I don't have have many friends. Because I left the country I grew up to settle in one country, then moved to another and now live in my 4th country, so each time I had to make new friends and it is difficult to make friends once you are in middle age. I have social friends who have their own families and priorities not the kind of friends I had in college.

That happens. And by the time you realise that, you are in 40s and as you have been bitten before, now you have no time for nonsense and have raised your standards but at the same time friendship pool has become smaller - it's not easy to find people looking for friends or with a lot of free time like those in college or 20s do.

Living in a different country so miles away from my close friends that I made I was young and not everyone can be considered as friends, I do have standards for friends and I also do not make enough effort, I'm good when others can initiate and live close. Nevertheless, I don't think I'm a horrible person for not having close friends, I consider myself a reliable and trustworthy friend, once we are able to establish and maintain the relationship. Whereas I know lots of people they might seem very busy socialising but just a bitch behind back.
Yes, I should make more effort because I do sometimes need friendship, but we don't have to feel bad about ourselves.