Did you re-allocate childrens' bedrooms when eldest went to uni?

[CrikeyDozes]

my eldest is do to go to uni in Sept. they currently have the best bedroom: biggest, on floor of its own, small en suite. their siblings all want that room although each sibling has their own room of a decent size. i dint want the eldest to feel thus is not their home and they became less important and were considered to have moved out for good when they went to uni so I was planning on keeping their room for them. Their siblings, in particular the next oldest, are outraged.

do people usually re allocate bedrooms at this point? does it not leave the eldest feeling pushed out?

I'm oldest & yes my parents swapped rooms when I went to uni. I had a small single instead of large attic room. I didn't feel pushed out, entirely fair as my sister who got the room had another 6 yrs at home, I was only back for 2 summer breaks but basically never lived at home again with parents. I still had a designated space to return to.

Yes. DS1 is coming home again this summer after graduating and DS2 is now away at uni so they'll be swapping back.

My parents reallocated my bedroom when I started university. The first I knew if it was when I came "home" that first Christmas to find my room had gone, and my mum now used it as her craft room and bedroom so she could avoid dad's snoring. All redecorated, my stuff in soggy cardboard boxes in the damp garage or binned. No warning. Because I'd apparently said I wouldn't move back home after uni.

Don't do that.

Well, why would she? She doesn't want a craft room. This thread is about younger siblings being in small bedrooms whilst a larger room is kept empty for an adult who doesn't live there.

Growing up I had a bigger bedroom than my brother. When I went to uni we swapped bedrooms. Only seemed fair as I'd had the bigger room for 10 years at this point.
My parents redecorated both rooms tp our tastes. I was absolutely fine with it

We didn’t. Uni rooms are small so most personal stuff was left behind. Holidays are long so they still need a base at home. My other 2 DC had nice rooms anyway so guess for us it wasn’t much of an issue.

i went to uni and kept my room for the first year (so that it was easy to come home if it wasn’t for me). Then swapped with my younger sibling, who had a much smaller room. I wasn’t bothered at all as I had stuff both at uni and at home (so more space than before not less!) I still have a “room” at my parents house despite moving out a decade ago and getting married this year! However they don’t ask for have another guest stay in there and my sister keeps her clothes in my wardrobe (altho I do keep a drawer of emergency clothes and meds etc in case I suddenly decide to sleep over).

honestly, I wouldn’t worry too much - I don’t know any friends that kept their rooms once they left for uni when they had bigger rooms than their siblings!

Holidays are long so they still need a base at home.

The OP is only asking about swapping the rooms, not evicting the uni student!

It is very daft to maintain the same room when they are barely going to be there! The oldest will have a new room whilst at uni and potentially afterwards as well. Whilst your house will be their 'home' it's understandable they don't get to keep their room. Swap them to the room of the 2nd oldest.

I'm not surprised your other kids are annoyed. It's not a shrine! They likely will spend a lot of their holidays not at home, seeing friends and maybe even traveling.

Middle child here (with only a minor chip 😂) and I was first one to leave home and was terribly homesick. You’re right about personality and history playing a part though, as I felt very secure despite losing my room, as I knew my room size wasn’t an indicator of the love anyone in my family had for me, and didn’t mean I couldn’t go home whenever I wanted, temporarily or permanently. From the op’s careful consideration of her child’s needs though I’d like to think she offers her children the same security and could have a conversation along the lines of the room not representing the child not having a place at home etc that would help her oldest to reach a place where they understand why they would be losing their room.

I offered my middle child the bigger room but he didn't want to swap (too lazy and although his room is much smaller it apparently has better wifi). University student eldest was happy to change if he wanted to.

I would give it a year. Not every student loves uni and stays there. 18 is still really young and feeling they’ve burned their boats and there is no way back to the way it was could really affect their mental health if they don’t love uni or it isn’t what they expected. If they love uni and don’t see themselves ever wanting to come home they should be much more amenable to swapping their room at that stage. My two both really struggled in their first year at uni and knowing home was still there unchanged really helped. They felt there was an option of a return to their old normal while they decided what to do if uni didn’t work out. They both continued with their courses and ended up loving uni

They’d still have a bedroom. Just not the biggest one.

Well then this isn't the thread for you is it

Seems harsh to reserve the best bedroom and a bathroom for an adult who won’t be there for most of the year. Why are the younger siblings less important? Why are the rooms that are good enough for them not good enough for the eldest?

Ha ha tell us you have a favorite child without saying you have a favorite child 🤦‍♀️

it depends on how nice the room is it sounds a bit unreasonable to not allow the next oldest to have that suite and have the oldest move into one of the smaller rooms then transition again when child no 2 goes to uni

the eldest should understand they are after all an adult !

My middle sister was moved into my old bedroom before I’d even got to end of the driveway on my way to uni aged 17. That was it : from that point on I was in a tiny spare room whenever I came home. My family would have laughed me out of the house if I’d suggested I keep my big bedroom when I wasn’t there.

Some people seem stuck in the royal mindset - oldest is king and heir subsequent siblings have to lump it!

Yes I will be reallocating bedrooms at that stage. He has the biggest room and the youngest will be in a box room. Also I have a large age gap, so when he goes to uni the others will only be 10 and 4. So we will probably shuffle round so the 10 year old goes into the big room, the 4 year old goes into the middle room and the eldest goes into the small room. We’ve already discussed it and he’s only 14, he knows that will happen and is ok with it. I barely went home in the holidays to be honest and I had had the small room in my house from being 16 due to the knowledge I’d be leaving for uni soon to save a room reallocation.

Bear in mind going to uni is not really leaving home. They’ll be home every holiday and possibly some weekend to get washing done!!

Then after uni will most likely come home too as the cost of rent is so high. If you do rejig rooms just make sure they always feel like they have a room at home

We did this - and eldest said it was completely fine in the box room they had gripes about the bigger room they'd hade before - pushed youngest to get it done during some end of year exams I think in effort to feel like eldest was moving forward after their A-levels.

The box room is still overflowing with their stuff - despite taking a huge amount to Uni - however they've not been back as frequently as I'd hoped - they have their room in holidays as well - and I think they might have avoided summer here if they could - that might have happened anyway but I do wonder.

Upside is youngest is loving the extra space - fewer gripes and is really making the most of it and as they've started GCSE having bigger space to study helps them.

Still when next child moves out we'll likely have to redecorate and make it more a guest room - as IL stay in hotel on visits currently and while I'm not keen on them staying in house again with two empty rooms seems churlish not to get it sorted so they can. Plus if eldest come back to do masters nearby or before graduate work they'll probably end up in that room anyway.

Yes we did. It didn't seem fair that DS2 would have the box room throughout his time at 6th form while DS1 is away at uni. He wasn't very happy with the idea initially, but he's hardly here so it doesn't affect him that much. It's his first year so he mind find the long summer holidays a bit harder, but DS2 managed with that bedroom for many years and now it's his turn. It's only fair. DH and I also made ourselves a shared home office for our WFH jobs as the DS no longer really needed the room that was their playroom/study/teens room as they were growing up. Actually we made that room our bedroom as it has an ensuite and our old bedroom became the home office. So lots of moving around last spring/summer!

i don't see any issues, my parents did this when i left for Uni, and was fine. The eldest child has had the benefit of larger room, now only fair to allow the room to be used by the younger child, rather than leave it empty for months at a time.

Bear in mind going to uni is not really leaving home. They’ll be home every holiday and possibly some weekend to get washing done!

Also bear in mind that the younger sibling will be living there 365 days a year for those three years, doing their A levels and such like.

I did swap my children's room when one went off to Uni. It made no sense for the biggest room to sit empty whilst the other was cramped in the small room. My DD doesn’t mind at all. I think she’s wishing she had the small room in the first place now.