Did you re-allocate childrens' bedrooms when eldest went to uni?

[CrikeyDozes]

my eldest is do to go to uni in Sept. they currently have the best bedroom: biggest, on floor of its own, small en suite. their siblings all want that room although each sibling has their own room of a decent size. i dint want the eldest to feel thus is not their home and they became less important and were considered to have moved out for good when they went to uni so I was planning on keeping their room for them. Their siblings, in particular the next oldest, are outraged.

do people usually re allocate bedrooms at this point? does it not leave the eldest feeling pushed out?

Favouritism never works. It is time for the Second eldest to have that room. Why should that room sit empty for the majority of the year ?

No. DC1 has the biggest room. DC 2 and 3 rooms are the same size as each other. They all kept their own rooms. DC 2 and 3 are at uni. DC1 has moved out. Two of them regularly come home and my other one when they can though not as often as the other two. Their rooms are their rooms and always will be. I'm moving this year and I will make one bedroom as the children's room and if they all come home at the same time I will make it work.

you mean i have to agree

you mean i have to agree

Of course not but your 'opinion' was "no never it didnt work like that, the eldest was home the longest, did not go to university" so what was the point?

You might has well have said 'I had shreddies for breakfast'.

No, it doesn’t matter if you agree or not, it’s just that your comment is irrelevant to the question posed in the thread. You didn’t give an opinion on the actual issue anyway.

not necessarily,
i could have changed the rooms all the same, the only difference is the eldest didnt leave but the younger did,
why is that irrelevant?
the oldest could have taken the younger room?

you mean i have to agree

Why would you think that when the thread is full of people saying they won't or have not swapped or they will or have swapped?

It's not like there is some middle ground.

The thread is about the specific situation of adult children going to university. It's not the same as when they move out because they haven't moved out really.

If you had said

Our oldest didn't go to university but our youngest did go to university and also our youngest had the largest room and the oldest was in the box room and we did not swap the rooms...that would have been relevant.

They have though. Some never come back. And for most of the year the room is empty. So younger dc should get it if it’s better than theirs.

Can you switch them before she goes? So they both get chance to redecorate and settle into new room before the upheaval of September.

When I moved out for uni my brother got my room and I got the box room. I didn’t feel pushed out I still had a room but I wasn’t there every day my brother was. When my brother moved out that room and I came back I got that room back. When I moved out it then became the guest room and when grandchildren appeared it became their room. Have you spoke to your child about this because a lot of it seems like assumption on your part that they would feel pushed out etc as parents we all want them home for as long as possible but they might be obligated to come back if they know their room is being held especially if siblings are upset over it

I do t think you can generalise. How secure is the eldest? Are they likely or not to be unsettled by this

You didn’t say any of that though. You made no comment on the OPs situation at all. You just said ‘my eldest didn’t go to uni’. Irrelevant.

Yes I would allow the next youngest to have it. The oldest has benefited from having a larger room for a long time while the others have had to have smaller rooms. Now the oldest moves out it is time for someone else to benefit.

Keeping an empty room just for them is just greedy and selfish and your eldest needs to accept that it is someone elses time to have a turn.

No, it's still the eldests room when he is home.

As soon as he's gone back, the youngest moves back in, as the eldest has the bigger room and double bed.

When he first went, youngest moved himself in. 😁

Look if you have to do it and the rooms are really different in size then I'm not saying never. It's just my opinion from how I felt coming home to my room how it had always been it was just safe continuity.
I know no one is suggested the eldest move to the cellar but it won't be " her" room is all I'm saying.
I really loved my room, I'd had wallpaper I chose for my birthday one year, it wasn't the biggest it just held loads of memories and felt like an anchor to home.
I suppose I'm too sentimental and didn't have to move as my DB had already gone ahead of me.
But the question was asked so assume a few different opinions were called for?
No need for nasty/sarcastic responses it was in chat!

My mum turned my old room into the guest room when I moved out, as it had an en-suite - she redecorated and most of my stuff went into boxes. But I was regularly the guest staying in it!

Also the Op didn't say the younger siblings are squashed into tiny rooms they are in decent size rooms. The question posed was would you do it in this case.
If they had said siblings shared a tiny room the answer would be different.

We have a good sized double, and a box room, so someone's always got a raw deal. We've managed this by swapping every few years. DC1 had the big room until she was 10 and DC2 was 6. At these stages DC1 had left Big Toys behind and was more into art, gadgets etc that were easier to store and manage in the little room. DC2 benefited from the floor space for Lego etc.

They swapped back at 15 and 11 so DC1 had more space for GCSE revision. They both know they'll swap again when DC1 goes to uni, giving DC2 more space in Y10 for her GCSEs. They're both ok with this system, and the upside is they get to redecorate each time.

Yes. The youngest was in a tiny room. It was unfair.

Yes. He still has a room which I decorated and is lovely. He still has a home to come back to. He has never complained

Yes, and he was fine about it.

Also bear in mind the oldest often gets first dibs of everything including being an only child before No. 2 comes along - so it’s nice for No.2 to get the chance to be top dog for a while.

Yes, OP. When oldest went to uni, we moved second DC into the “teen suite.” It seemed fair, and it works out nicely that the DC doing GCSEs and A levels has a nice big room to spread out in and study.

If oldest boomerangs back after graduation, and lives with us again while doing further qualifications, then we’ll swap them again because younger DC will be at uni.

There’s a 7 year gap between my two dc, and my first dc will go to uni September next year. The plan is that dc2 will use dc1’s room while they’re away, and then go back to their own room when dc1 comes back for holidays. We figured this was a good compromise.
DC2 will have their own bedding to use in there. DC1’s room is around 4 times bigger than dc2’s so it would be silly not to use it, but I do not want dc1 feeling pushed out hence the compromise.