Niece spends every single weekend alone with granddad

[nb2023]

Hi,

There's something that's been on my mind for some time.

My sister has an 8 year old son with her ex husband and an almost 3 year old daughter with her partner.

My niece spends every single weekend alone with her paternal granddad without exception.

My sister's partner drops her off on a Friday and picks her up again on the Sunday.

They've had this arrangement since she was very small (maybe 1 year old).

Her granddad lives alone (he used to live with his mother (my niece's great grandmother) , but she passed away a year ago).

My mother said that he really enjoys spending time with his granddaughter and I feel awful for being concerned.

I've never mentioned my concerns to my family, as I feel doing so would be hugely offensive.

I have 3 children myself and wouldn't be happy with that arrangement.

I don't know this man, most likely it is completely normal, but would you agree that it is a safeguarding risk?

Maybe it's a case of me being distrustful and jaded and if you think that's the case, please tell me so xx

I used to be left alone often with my lovely grandad as a young child. He was so much fun, I loved my time with him. I think YABU unless there is a specific risk?

@Needanewname42 @crumblingschools I suspect you just want to think ill of people and are quick to judge. It's a young family with plenty of support in place. I would say that's rare these days, but no doubt we'd all be happier if we had more support,

@Itradehorses there is support and then there is offloading parenting every weekend

They both work during the week but still send their daughter to her DGF every weekend / for the whole weekend? Yes, I would find that worrying.

Not due to the grandfather but because it seems as if they don’t want to spend any time with their child (as many PP have already mentioned).

It's a young family who barely see their kid.
If the kids in nursery then they'll probably only see them awake 3 hours a day. 3 hours that aren't exactly quality time, getting them ready, taking them to nursery, collecting them, making dinner, getting them into bed.
Weekend care is completely outsourced.

When is their quality time with their child??

She is probably better off with Grandad than a mother like that tbh

I think that it's odd you're so concerned about the three year old with her grandad but think that the eight year old with grandma all weekend is fine and normal. In my opinion it's sad that your sister and husband don't want to spend any time with their children, and that the grandparents have picked up on this and are trying to compensate.

The little girl isn't even 3 yet (OP said almost 3) and - from the first post "They've had this arrangement since she was very small (maybe 1 year old)." That is tragic! The poor little girl must barely know her parents and I can't imagine that she can feel loved and cherished by them! She barely spends any time with her mother and father. In the OP's position I would find this very worrying and upsetting.

I really, really wish I lived in the happy land of purity, innocence and childish joy that some of you appear to.

I simply cannot relate to the outrage and scorn some of you have expressed about OP's concerns.

Who do you think carries out all this child sexual abuse we hear about? It is usually trusted people who have access to the child.

To listen to some of you, child abusers are alien phantoms who only exist in some parallel universe.

Yes there is a good chance that grandad is not a predator and that nothing at all horrific is going on.

But let's be honest, going on the info OP has given us, how the fuck would the parents actually know? They have been taking this child to be looked after by someone who isn't them, for almost 30% of the time since she was ONE YEAR OLD.

Wild horses would never have kept me apart from ds for so many hours so persistently over time, at that age or ever.

I used to be left alone regularly with my grandad. My mum worked shifts and my gran would be off doing something (can’t remember what probably playing bingo😆) but it would be him and me for hours! We had great times and I miss him terribly.

My grandad was the most wonderful kind gentle man and I would have happily spent every weekend in his care. Sadly he was a little too elderly to have managed it. I think your distrust is misplaced. I'm sure your sister and her partner would not leave their little one in his care unless they had full confidence in him.

This

You are being unreasonable. Judgemental and ridiculous. And tbh there is something really weird if you'd be uncomfortable leaving your child with your own dad

He has children and grandchildren, there's no reason to think he has sexual disfunction because he lived with his mum for the last how many years of her life

What you are getting at is oh , look at this old guy who lived with his mum, must be a weirdo who is interested in little kids

Sexual function and dysfunction are not necessarily static over time.

He didn't live with his long term partner did he? And OP hasn't mentioned he has one now either. Did the Catholic Church not manage to convince you that some men aren't so good at resisting their desires to satisfy their sexual urges when someone is available to them who can be sexually objectified?

I refuse to apologise for considering the possibility that a man is a sexual predator when so many men are.

Absolutely. Your concerns are valid op. This would be a perfect opportunity. What more do you know about this man?

Also your sister sounds like she is emotionally detached from her children!
Very sad indeed.

The thing is op, how can you go about ensuring your little niece is safe?

And according to @TextureSeeker so are their Dads?!
Good grief.

So the children both have the same grandmother, but only one of them gets to spend time with her?
Better start sending the niece upstairs to her gm, say Monday through to Thursday. That'll give them more of a break.

Well you are very unjust to all the fab grandads and dads out there.

"ALONE" indeed!

But then you don't actually trust your DH, do you?

You're the one with the problem.

But that doesn't mean that 98% of men are paedophiles.

So that stat is not reasonable.

100% of fatalities in car accidents are caused by cars. Doesn't mean that 100% of cars cause fatalities.

That makes perfect sense. That Granddad would be sole carer when your mum was at work. Nobody would think anything of it.

Would your DGPs have had you ALL your Mums days off, so your Mum (and Dad) hardly saw you?

It's the disproportionate amount of time with Granddad that makes it questionable.

It's sad that people are questioning Granddads motives but of the 4 cases of CSB I've come across in my own circles. 2 have been Granddads and shockingly 2 have been Mums (one of the Mums was seriously warped)
And that's probably quiet unusual to know of two mums.

Don't be a daftie. I was making the point that any male could be a risk, of course they could(my best friend as a teen was abused by her dad as a toddler) but you still leave your kids with them unless there are more reasons than them being male to be suspicious.

Being realistic any close male family member could be a risk but we make judgement calls.

I'm with you.

It's also pretty off that the little girl gets farmed out every weekend like a dog who is in the way.

I used to stand on the seat of the car with my arm around my grandfather’s neck as he drove all over town.
Now that’s a safeguarding risk.

I am not undermining the many amazing grandparent relationships out there. I am not suggesting that this grandad is definitely doing anything wrong.

However, the parents sound disinterested and it could potentially provide an easy environment for abuse. How would you feel if your neice opens up to you in ten years time to tell you that she was abused?

Op if you have concerns maybe you could look into asking this lady for some support or similar

https://www.instagram.com/consentparenting?igsh=eHhpbmg1ZTJmeWw0

Evening leaving them with mum is a risk then if leaving with dad is!!! You do realise women are abusers aswell don't you!!!!