Niece spends every single weekend alone with granddad

[nb2023]

Hi,

There's something that's been on my mind for some time.

My sister has an 8 year old son with her ex husband and an almost 3 year old daughter with her partner.

My niece spends every single weekend alone with her paternal granddad without exception.

My sister's partner drops her off on a Friday and picks her up again on the Sunday.

They've had this arrangement since she was very small (maybe 1 year old).

Her granddad lives alone (he used to live with his mother (my niece's great grandmother) , but she passed away a year ago).

My mother said that he really enjoys spending time with his granddaughter and I feel awful for being concerned.

I've never mentioned my concerns to my family, as I feel doing so would be hugely offensive.

I have 3 children myself and wouldn't be happy with that arrangement.

I don't know this man, most likely it is completely normal, but would you agree that it is a safeguarding risk?

Maybe it's a case of me being distrustful and jaded and if you think that's the case, please tell me so xx

It's true that I leave my children alone with their father, but we're generally in the same house.

This stood out to me. Does that mean you don't actually trust your DH with his own children when you're out of the house?

It's really, really sad that we live in a world where people are concerned about a child spending time with her grandad.

I'm

Exactly!!!!

No. I wouldn't agree that a child spending the weekend with their grandparent is a safeguarding risk. I'd be horrified to think people had similar thoughts about my children spending time with their grandparent

I find it weird that my niece spends so much time with her granddad and so little time with her actual parents.

Do you think part of it is that the new partner likes 'his little family' around at the weeekend? (if so, also sad for your niece)

I don't think there is anything strange about a grandparent wanting to spend time with grandchildren, or being involved, but this is a LOT of time, and maybe has a negative effecton your niece bonding with her mum & step dad

I think its right of you to show concern: not only because of CSA concerns (which are valid although hopefully there is no cause for concern) but because your niece is spending v little time with her parents!

We don’t collectively lose our minds when men :- work on a weekend, are off with the lads, golf, spend hours biking etc. Countless threads on here from women fed up of their partners disappearing all weekend.

As long as the little girl isn’t getting sent out to play by herself all day (which does happen to some children and is rightly a safeguarding concern), then I can’t get worked up about a family member helping to get through the early years. Childhood does not need to look like a mother doing it all.

I am generally very relaxed about childcare and am a great fan of children going for sleepovers with relatives/ friends to give the parents a break .
In fact my GD stays once or twice a month here so parents get a break.
But ….i do think it’s odd to farm your child out for 2 nights EVERY weekend!
When does she get fun time with her actual parents and I also think it’s a lot for an elderly person to be responsible for .

It's the not just spending time it's full weekend every weekend, Friday night and Saturday night.
Does the Granddad never go out?
Where's his social life?

I wouldn't think too much of it, if it was the occasional weekend but every weekend seems crazy.
And from when the LO was about 1 does that mean it started happening as soon as your sister finished maternity leave.

Something isn't sitting right with me either. If the mum split with the Dad Granddad could claim Grandparents Rights.

Presumably one or both of them work full time? I'd be more concerned that one or both of her parents don't seem to want to spend any time with her. It's very odd to want to be away from your toddler all weekend, every weekend

You're worrying about the wrong person. You're sister and her partner sound terrible parents. The toddler goes to nursery and then to grandad and the 8 year old goes to grandma's. Do they ever actually parent their children?
It's not a mother bashing statement as the father is just as bad. It sounds like the poor kids only sleep about 4 nights a week in their own home.

My grandad (70) regularly looks after my son (3) and they potter around the garden or my son ‘helps’ his diy projects, or they go for a walk/ bike ride down the railway path. They both love it.

I thought this thread would be more about the child being bored rather than a safeguarding issue

The issue here is with the parents who can’t be arsed to look after their own child. The grandad sounds like the only decent parental figure that little girl has.

You’re worrying about the wrong adult.

Your sister sending her toddler child away for the whole weekend, every weekend, is the red flag here. That is not normal.

How will she feel growing up, knowing she is sent away and her brother is not? If your sister works in the week, they must spend barely any quality time with her. Weekends are for family time.

My father spends a lot of time doing childcare for my toddler (as does my husband’s father) while we are working, so I cannot see that as a red flag. Unless you have some other reason to suspect he is “creepy”.

I’m afraid I think your sister and her partner are the concern here. It seems like neglect. Poor little girl.

Didn't think there was such a thing as grandparents rights in the uk...

The parents should be doing it.

My husband does about 60% of the childcare in our house at weekends and evenings (nursery does the daytime). I don’t for one minute think it should only be mothers. I’m the main earner and do far less.

If neither of us spent any time with our child I’d call that neglect though.

There’s a reason we don’t do boarding school at 3 because young children should have secure attachment to their parents. This is completely abnormal.

I have mixed feelings about this only because I've known where situations like this have turned out badly.

Would you feel differently if it was the grandmother watching your niece or if it was a little boy and not a little girl? I always try to switch genders up in this scenario and I must admit i have biased feelings/opinions about these things based on gender.

It is incredibly sad that you think it’s weird for a grandad to look after his granddaughter. I am sorry you’ve had experiences that lead you to think it’s risky. The idea that I shouldn’t leave my DD with my dad, my brother or DH’s dad or brother seems completely ludicrous to me. Should they not have been left with their own children? Not a normal reaction at all.

My DD is very close with my parents and if we let her, she would happily spend the night there every weekend. She’s had regular sleepovers since she was 2. SHE begs for them because she loves my parents.

She’s your sister, just ask. Not the accusing bit, but why she is doing it every weekend?

dont they want any weekend time with dd?

It's a bit unfair in my opinion on the child to just be with an however lovely elderly chap the whole weekend and not at home with her parents.
Perhaps one Saturday and sleepover a month or something.
It's a lot at any age with such a young child.
They obviously enjoy not having her around at weekends which is a bit sad every single weekend.

If you think there is abuse going on the report it. NSPCC, Social Services or the police.

Otherwise she is just parenting differently to you and you should butt out.

@Needanewname42
"Something isn't sitting right with me either. If the mum split with the Dad Granddad could claim Grandparents Rights."

He wouldn't need to claim them, neither parent seems very interested in parenting. If they split, I would think he'd be getting at least as much time as he is now.

Not a safeguarding issue, but extremely selfish.

I used to spend every friday/ Saturday with my nan and grandad.

I also used to go my grans everyday after school. Is that weird to you as well? Or is just cos he is a man? Grow up, not every man is a paedophile!

@Namechange666 I think it is weird that parents don’t want to have their children with them any weekend