Niece spends every single weekend alone with granddad

[nb2023]

Hi,

There's something that's been on my mind for some time.

My sister has an 8 year old son with her ex husband and an almost 3 year old daughter with her partner.

My niece spends every single weekend alone with her paternal granddad without exception.

My sister's partner drops her off on a Friday and picks her up again on the Sunday.

They've had this arrangement since she was very small (maybe 1 year old).

Her granddad lives alone (he used to live with his mother (my niece's great grandmother) , but she passed away a year ago).

My mother said that he really enjoys spending time with his granddaughter and I feel awful for being concerned.

I've never mentioned my concerns to my family, as I feel doing so would be hugely offensive.

I have 3 children myself and wouldn't be happy with that arrangement.

I don't know this man, most likely it is completely normal, but would you agree that it is a safeguarding risk?

Maybe it's a case of me being distrustful and jaded and if you think that's the case, please tell me so xx

It was his mother, not his wife.

Sorry - not just directed at you - but the reading comprehension on this thread sucks.

It’s neglectful- when exactly are they parenting this poor child?

It sounds like the parents are useless and the grandfather is providing the parenting.

I expect there is a safeguarding risk yes, against the parents. I came across something similar where the parents dumped their child with others at the weekends so they could have a drugs bender.

Hells bells, hyperbole much

I would look twice at this. It is, as someone else said, very unusual for an older man to be so devoted.

Which does not automatically jump to sexual abuse but pause for thought yes!

OPs thoughts are not nasty. The same cannot be said for your post though.

No one normal would agree that a grandad spending time with his grandaughter was a 'risk'.

Agree with “spending time”.

Every weekend of every year since she was 2? Worth thinking about.

Just to clarify two things here. I have already stated these in my original post, but I'll write it again:

• My sister has an ex husband that she shares an 8 year old boy with. Her almost 3 year old daughter is with her current partner

• Her paternal grandfather used to live with HIS mother until a year ago, when she died. My niece's great grandmother. Not his wife.

Her grandfather actually spends more time with her than just weekends. Sometimes he picks her up from nursery during a weekday and drops her off in the evening at her parents house.

The father of my 8 year old nephew isn't involved. My nephew spends a lot of time with my mother, during the week and also on weekends.

I find it weird that my niece spends so much time with her granddad and so little time with her actual parents.

However, when I cautiously raised it, I just got the reply that it's normal to want to spend time as a grandparent with such a beautiful little girl and who wouldn't.

Your one wonderful experience (I am jealous 😉) sadly does not translate into the universe of all children’s experience.

So what does your sister do all weekend then @nb2023?
Is she a junkie? In a toxic/abusive relationship? Or just a massive twat?

Her grandfather actually spends more time with her than just weekends. Sometimes he picks her up from nursery during a weekday and drops her off in the evening at her parents house.

The father of my 8 year old nephew isn't involved. My nephew spends a lot of time with my mother, during the week and also on weekends.

It sounds like the GP - your Mum and new partners Dad are stepping in a lot* *so I wonder if there are grounds for concern with the parents that your Mother not willing to talk to you about.

She doesn't take drugs or is in an abusive relationship.

Her partner is quite nice.

She uses the weekend to sleep, clean her apartment, go swimming or go somewhere with her partner. Sometimes they go to a hotel on the weekend, sort of as a weekend getaway.

Why should we not worry “just because he is male”?

If 90%+ of sexual assault on children is committed by men (and yes NOT ALL MEN) then we must all be cautious with young children just because they are men.

it is not discrimination- it is safe guarding.

Deleted for stupidity.

I am so so sorry.

This is disappointing that we can’t conceive what a woman might be doing on a weekend other than childcare. At a guess, house/yard work, grocery shopping, meal planning & cooking, DIY, exercise, keeping up relationships with friends, study, hobbies - I can think of a lot of things that don’t involve drugs or alcoholism.

Its great that a male relative is stepping up to share the child rearing burden. More men could take this example.

And it’s typical of how we judge women that’s it’s terrible she’s getting help. Maybe judge less, help more if you’re worried about the grandfather taking on too much.

Sounds fantastic. No need for women to be martyrs.

How much parenting do your sister and partner do?

Op I'm with you. Something isn't sitting right with me either.

I can't decide if it's the mum & dad not wanting time with their own child.

Or if the Granddad wants to see the child, either to get away from the loneliness of living alone if he's always had his mother.

Or if he has another motive. And remember abusers don't all fit the trench coat stereotype.

I think I'd ask your sister her motivations first. Before working out his motivations

He's her paternal grandad.yabu.

Thanks it took me a while to figure that out but it literally says niece in the opening op lol

I think it's weird from the point of view they cart her off every weekend, especially as they work all week. So, they spend no quality time with her which is very sad. So you must never see her either then if it's every weekend without fail?

My problem would be with the sister and partner, not the granddad.

Right. So you think it’s ok to palm off your child to clean or shop or do other domestic servitude every weekend and never spend any time with your child? Seriously.

What a load of actual bollocks.

The sister is a fuck up and equally so is the partner.

But abandons her tiny child every single weekend? Thats the weirdest most worrying thing that you've posted, not her grandad

I don't know this man
Why would you when he’s not related to you? It’s no different to your own father. Or would you not trust him with your children either?

most likely it is completely normal
It is normal for grandparents to spend time with grandchildren and many have them overnight on a regular basis.

but would you agree that it is a safeguarding risk?
No.

@WhatDoIDoPeople maybe the fathers of the children could step up

Sure - but does that mean that every male who enjoys spending time with his own biological children or grandchildren should be under heightened suspicion?

Your sister and her partner sound like terrible parents. Never spending any free time with their dcs so they can go swimming and clean ffs. There is something totally off about the whole thing tbh.