Niece spends every single weekend alone with granddad

[nb2023]

Hi,

There's something that's been on my mind for some time.

My sister has an 8 year old son with her ex husband and an almost 3 year old daughter with her partner.

My niece spends every single weekend alone with her paternal granddad without exception.

My sister's partner drops her off on a Friday and picks her up again on the Sunday.

They've had this arrangement since she was very small (maybe 1 year old).

Her granddad lives alone (he used to live with his mother (my niece's great grandmother) , but she passed away a year ago).

My mother said that he really enjoys spending time with his granddaughter and I feel awful for being concerned.

I've never mentioned my concerns to my family, as I feel doing so would be hugely offensive.

I have 3 children myself and wouldn't be happy with that arrangement.

I don't know this man, most likely it is completely normal, but would you agree that it is a safeguarding risk?

Maybe it's a case of me being distrustful and jaded and if you think that's the case, please tell me so xx

Isn’t that the same for a lot of families with divorced parents though

Yes, of course the child could be at risk spending every weekend alone with a man. This does not mean he is a paedophile who is abusing her but he could be.

Yes obviously she could be at risk. But that applies to literally every child. Of course people should be aware of these things but this isn't a man who OP has met and has actual reasons to be suspicious of. You could say what OP has said about any father who spends a time alone with their child. Having suspicions based on literally nothing beyond him being male is a bit ridiculous. My DH frequently spends time alone with our DDs (no more than I spend time alone with them, just day to day things, the occasional overnight) and it would be ridiculous for someone who'd never met him to say they're worried, even though it's technically true that they could be at risk.

The 3 year old child's parents are together. Not married and not divorced but living together as a couple.

IMO it is very unusual that they would farm their daughter out every weekend.

@TTPD I base my suspicions on my personal experiences of males who volunteered to spend time alone and unsupervised with young children, precisely in order to sexually abuse them.

There was nothing else publicly suggesting they might be predatory paedophiles other than their biological sex and their desire to be around children.

The 3 year olds parents are together yes but she is separated from her ex hence the 8 year old going away on weekends to be with her father’s family. It’s not unusual that a child spends weekends with paternal family. It’s just as important they have contact with them as they do the maternal side

OP is talking about her 3 year old niece not her 8 year old nephew.

And the 3 year old (of current partner) is the daughter that goes to her grandfather.

No idea - I don't think it's fair to wonder just because he male but having such a young child every weekend is not a usual pattern.

Honestly if 8 year old is with ex and 3 year is with her grandfather every weekend I don't think it says great things about their parenting.

Hopefully it's entirely innocent and 3 year old enjoys spending time with grandfather but I can't see how you can raise it without accusing and causing offense - but it being odd when parents aren't even working weekends I'd agree.

Shes with her grandad. Whats weird about that?

I was sexually abused from a young age through to senior school by my grandfather.

Wish I had someone looking out for me in my childhood.

I'm so sorry you went through that @namechange78654 I wish someone had noticed and kept you safe.

FFS - this poor man is under suspicion because he is a man looking after a child? You need to stop. It is more concerning that your DS cant be bothered to parent her children at the weekends.

My concern would be more that they offload a 3 yo every weekend and for the whole weekend. How much time do they actually get to spend with her? Is this a choice your sister makes, of is she influenced by her partner?

What is the son doing in the mean time?

Ah I see now, I didn’t read that correctly 🤦‍♀️
Although I still don’t see no harm if she’s with parents all week to have some time with her grandad at weekends

If my dd had had it her way she would have lived with her grand father and not me.

Your niece’s parents always dropping her off for the weekend is a bigger red flag than the grandfather looking after her alone. Sadly, some kids are better off with extended family than the parents - is that the case here? Does the older child go to his dad’s every weekend ?

You don't even know this man yet you've decided he's a paedo. You do realise that all men are not paedophile, do you not?
I'm.more concerned about the parents not spending any quality weekend time with their little daughter, tbh!!

I think also this set up is really strange especially if it is every weekend and all weekend till Sunday evening.
I think either the parents can't be bothered to parent her, or the grandfather is insisting she stays at his house. It would be neglectful if the first reason and i'd be very concerned over motives if was the latter reason. I'd honestly be tempted to ask my sister lots of questions about this. Most abuse is carried out by related males.

YABU to assume the grandfather has sinister motivations.
However, I find it incredibly sad that her mum and dad don't want to spend time with her at the weekend.

The fact that your sister works all week and the pawns her child off on someone else would seem to be a greater safeguarding risk.

I think they are just overwhelmed sometimes like a lot of parents with small children and use the weekend to relax and do other things

No, they are not overwhelmed. Just bloody selfish.

The niece is the daughter of the sister and her current partner

The son is the child which the sister had with her EX so I presume he spends the weekends with his Dad?

I agree it's fairly unusual for a man to put his hand up to look after a small child every weekend. However, you said his wife used to be there until a year ago so maybe that explains it more - he is used to having his little grandaughter around at the weekend, knows her routines etc.

I have to admit I agree with others that it's really sad your sister and partner don't spend any time with their daughter over the weekend. Unless they don't work and are spending all week with her, that's very little time spent together at all.

Why aren't you more worried a 3 year old is getting farmed out every weekend and never having time with her close family? That's insane.

OP has not "decided" that the grandfather is a sexual abuser. She is concerned about the possibility and has expressed her concerns to no one, except here on an anonymous forum.

Do you know which children paedophiles prefer to target? The ones whose parents are, to some degree, disengaged and neglectful. Because with those children they are more likely to get away with their criminal activity.

There seems to be an emerging consensus here that sending your very young child away from the family home every weekend constitutes less than ideal parenting.

So IMO, those of you insisting that nothing untoward could possibly be happening and it is pure prejudice to even consider it, are at best cheerfully naïve and at worst wilfully stupid.