CF allotment thief part 3: The ‘plot’ thickens and auditions begin for the west end musical

[YaMuvva]

Just creating one now before t’other fills up. Will post updates when I have them

Last thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5048540-cf-allotment-thief-part-2-the-battle-of-barbara-and-the-beansprouts?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Thank you for this explanation. And yes renting in the US is fairly common. DH and I have twice moved into short-term rentals after selling a house while waiting for a house purchase to process to closing. That can be a bit of a hassle because you have to store your furniture, but I think it might be worth it to avoid some of the surprises that buyers in England sometimes get.

No way!!

It's not her "sanctuary" and never was. It's yours. You've paid for it, she hasn't. She has had the privilege of using someone else's land for free for an entire decade. When you use something belonging to somebody else, you know that you have to give it back at some point. That time is now and it is long overdue.

It's her fault for trying to sneakily continue as before without consulting you. She knew the land had been sold and she should have contacted you as the new owners. She's not even been polite to you at any point.

You're not selfish, it's unbelievable the amount of people trying to justify Barbara's scheming.

Please get a trail cam to monitor your new allotment because Barbara will try to sabotage it.

I really want to know how it all ends now...

Be careful Yorkshire can be dangerous this springs to mind the rhubard asbo in the dales! https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2005/mar/18/martinwainwright1

Loving this thread, the comedy aspect. Very British humour (although some here seem to think that that is taking delight in someone else's upset...totally isn't)
Definitely would love to see the dramatic take on stage or small screen. Hilarious, bit dinnerladies esque
Just to add I did see on the news a couple of years ago that someone had "salted" a community allotment to destroy the land. So watch out for Bab's revenge!

OP I am in Yorkshire.

If I come to the party with my 3 horses do I get special VIP access for the free manure?

There would need to be a dress code though. No faux fur hoods as one of my horses loves to yank people backwards with them.

Obviously Bab’s carrots 🥕 will be at risk with them.

Ooh yes please! as long as they promise to do lots of plopping!

OP I assume you mean the horses doing lots of plopping and not their human owners?

@ThePaintedMoose Thank you for the ‘Vegetables’ Beach Boys song. So suitable!

In fairness to Barbara, it doesnt seem that she has had any notice because the seller didnt mention the allotment and has told op she considers it Barbara's.

That being said, its legally not Barbara's and Barbara has actually been shafted by the old owner aka her friend. Seemingly unwittingly but obviously the facts remain that the land is op's.

I think you should get the musical written and then flashmob the allotments with the premiere production. Obviously you’d need to come back here and post the link to Youtube so we can see the recording. That’s pretty much all I’m here for.

So yamuvva bought a new house
House, garage and babs with her sprouts
I’m giving my all
Trying not to call troll
And just wait for the play to come out.

I can't believe I've never heard of Rob James-Collier. But then I'm one of the few people who've not watched Downtown Abbey.

Ah - so DH is Sean Bean! (I’m thinking GoT. Or maybe Lady Chatterley?)

Well I’ve been thoroughly entertained by this and have ended up buying a box set of Last Tango in Halifax DVDs in my indignation at the OP’s comments (on page 2?) that Sarah Lancashire always plays the same part.

I’m in East Yorkshire but will happily cross the border to North Yorkshire to be part of the eviction of dear Barb, this the best thread I’ve read on Mum’s net 😂

I can’t imagine anyone just giving up land that they own. I don’t believe for one minute that if the shoe was on the other foot everyone saying they’d let Barbara keep it would actually do that.

… submitted for the audition …

Initial libretto for 'My Allotment' or 'Sharpen my Hammer'

A play about crashing on a distant planet and discovering that Barbra planted an Allotment in a Garage in front of the cave. (I think I got that right)

to the tune of 'Somewhere only we know', Keane

I walked across an empty Lot'
I knew the plants there but I somehow forgot
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the toms' and it made me complete

Oh, simple soil, where have you gone?
I'm getting old, and I need something to dig on
So, tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired, and I need a time to begin

I came across an empty garage
I saw the open doors of my marriage
Is this the palace we used to love?
Is this the place that we were told 'bout above

Oh, simple soil, where have you gone?
I'm getting old, and I need something to dig on
So, tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired, and I need a time to begin

And if you have an hour, why don't we go
Talk to a solicitor that only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So, we should pick and hour and a day?
Someone only we pay

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old, and I need something to rely on
So, tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin

OP you could check out Barbara's garden on google maps satellite view (it would save going up a ladder). Might be interesting to see the allotments, too. Does satellite have multiple years, like streetview sometimes does?

Charlie Dimmock to play Babs, she would at least know the right end of a spade.

Baby is cultivating weed in the shed & keeps all the other allotment holders supplied for their aches & pains, she gets kicked off, no herbal relief.

Can you find a part for Robson Green & Ewan McGregor? Neither are shy about getting their kit off & can inject some colour.

That's a whole different angle to having vegetables on show 🤣