My house gets disgusting and it's embarrassing for my kids

[keenunkempt]

I feel really down because my kids are getting older now and are starting to notice how messy and disgusting our house gets. The worst thing is it's a really nice, newly built house. It's decorated really nicely. If I could keep it tidy it's a gorgeous home for them to grow up in and the last thing they'd need to feel is embarrassed but I just can't seem to do it. I read these posts from people saying they grew up in a messy home and now have the tidiest houses ever, but I'm the opposite, I too grew up in a very messy dirty home and I seem to be replicating it entirely for my kids. I will spend a whole day getting it perfect and it just doesn't last a day. I think I'm just a total slob. I want to be a better mum but can't seem to pull myself together. I don't keep on top of their washing so they have nice clean clothes, I don't keep the house tidy, I don't remember to get things out the cupboard or fridge before they go mouldy, I don't remember to charge their nightlights or put new batteries in their toys so they just stop using them. I want to be a better mum than this and have these moments of achievement but always end up back here. How do I sort myself out?

It’s not something people are born with. Everyone works out their routine depending on what works for them.

Start with a little. Set half an hour a day to tidy up put it in your diary and stick to it.

Make lists of what you need.

Ask the children to tidy up.

If it’s a total mess I’d suggest decluttering, that way you can keep on top of it

one room a week for decluttering and taking to charity shop and tip

then one room a day for cleaning, which shouldn’t really take you more than 20 minutes a day

Embarrassing for your kids??
you spend the day cleaning/tidying??

Sorry, but WHO is making the mess??

You need A Slob Comes Clean. Life changing advice written by someone who has struggled with these things herself; rather than someone who loves cleaning and organising, so she really gets it. She has various books and a podcast. I'd suggest starting with How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind. Genuinely changed my life and relationship with my hours over the last few years.

I feel you

we have moved into a lovely new build house from a pretty grotty rented one and we both try so hard to keep it tidy - but we still seem to end up with the same issues we had in the previous ones! Question is OP is it untidy or unclean? The second would be more of an issue than the first - as the PP said your children also can help tidy up. Make a time at the weekend when you can all chip in and then the sense of achievement will be felt by all

Have you got a partner who is sharing half of these responsibilities, or are you on your own with it?

If on your own - don't worry, no can do all this, so everyone has to expect some slack! If you have a partner, then make them pull their weight as well .

However, ultimately...most people's houses look like you've described. If you visit a really tidy house I guarantee the occupants have spent the previous hour like flies with their arses of fire and there's a cupboard or room somewhere in the house with all the crap piled under a blanket

Also....new builds....notorious for not having much storage

My house regularly descends in to chaos but having worked in peoples houses for many many years I’ve realised that everyone else’s does too. Don’t feel embarrassed about it!

This!! As a recovered slob, A Slob Comes Clean was absolutely invaluable in getting me to the current clean and tidy heaven I have.

Are you a single parent OP? I noticed you put about clean clothes... this is a MUST OP you must make sure your children are washed and dressed in clean clothes. How old are they?

I am a very messy person, so is DP and so are DSCs. I have accepted that our house is never going to look immaculate, but I’d like it to look tidier than it does, so you have my sympathies!

Could you get a whiteboard for the fridge and make a chart with different jobs to do on each day? So Monday- go through fridge and throw away out of date items, Tuesday- Harry’s laundry, etc then tick them off as you’ve done them? They’ll be some things that really need doing every day, but some things that only need doing once a week or once a fortnight. On a Sunday evening you can wipe the ticks off ready for the coming week.

If your children are old enough to be getting embarrassed then they’re probably old enough to help a bit too!

Do you have a lot of stuff? Sometimes the more you have the more clutter accumulates and makes maintaining tidiness harder. This therefore makes cleaning harder. Then you tidy and the cycle starts again. A large declutter so everything has a space is so helpful. Once tidying becomes quicker and more straightforward you can build those good habits to maintain it. It’s very difficult, though.

Ok so do you have too much stuff? Are the kids cleaning up after themselves?

Also writing things down helps me. I know today is Thursday so on my list I have ‘clean bathroom’ (the whole thing, not just a wipe over the sink and toilet). It’s on my rota so I just do it.
The things you struggle with - such as clean clothes are very important, your children need clean clothes. They deserve them. You must prioritise clean clothing, clean bedding and a clean kitchen and bathroom for health reasons.

How old are the kids, I assume little as you talk about night lights and toys.

sre you single and do you work?

I think it’s important to do the basics like clean clothes, what stops you?

Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s really difficult to learn how to run and keep a house tidy and hygienic when you weren’t shown how to, or taught that you deserve to live in and value a clean, calm, organised home. I highly recommend the Rock the Housework app - it’s the best £3 I spend per month. Sounds dramatic, but it’s changed my life! For me, it totally removes the overwhelm and not knowing where to start. Just choose a session, press play and do what she says and your house will be a million times better, even if you only have 15 minutes to spare.

I’ve come to the conclusion that having a tidy house when you’ve got small children actually requires quite a lot work, it’s not going to happen by magic. Some people have routines that help, but in reality you have to put in a lot of time and effort.
Not of all us can bothered to do that. The people I know with tidy houses spend a lot of time tidying up, they don’t really sit down.
You are not the only person in your house who is responsible for its condition. Your partner should be doing their fair share, and your kids should be able to pick up after themselves. If they are old enough to be embarrassed by the state of their home, they are old enough to tidy up, and to at least ask for new batteries for their toys if not put them in.
Yoy can make sure things run smoothly by having , for example, a stock of batteries in the right size, and making sure you don’t run out of essentials.
Hopefully someone will come along with examples of routines that do make a difference, but if you can train your DC to be tidy that would be a good start- dirty clothes straight into the laundry, toys away before moving on to the next thing, everyone helping to clear the table.
As you might guess, I still don’t really feel on top of it!

Seconded- she's brilliant.

I found this online ages ago, this is great place to start and can obviously be tweaked to suit your home

You need to differentiate between the things you must do for your dc wellbeing - cleaning and food hygiene, washing clothes, keeping rooms and exits clear of safety hazards etc - and those which make life easier such as toy organisation. Aim to check for waste and off food once a week, in time for a rubbish collection. Walk around the house first thing charging lights and collecting washing, tidying bathroom when dc are in the bath and kitchen after eating, tidy after putting dc to bed. Depending in age can the dc assist, put dirty clothes away, toys back in bedrooms.

You need to get the house back up to scratch and then build a daily routine that involves the kids helping. It's not fair on them to have to live in a dive but they also need, with direction, to be a part of the on going maintenance.

Throw away or put away in a loft/shed 80% of your stuff. Think ‘do I want this item more than I want a tidy house?’
Im a messy person so is my other half and both our kids are too.

If it’s in budget get a cleaner . It’s a great motivator to tidy up before they come .

You need to set yourself daily tasks so that eventually they just become routine.

What do you do with your time in the house, hobbies, TV, Children, etc.? Is there another adult living there and if so why aren't they doing their fair share?

I'm a single parent to a tween and a teen and I personally run the hoover round downstairs once a day, it's cordless and takes no time. Clean the kitchen after every use, bathroom once a week, upstairs hoover once a week, beds every other week, towels once a week and the rest of the washing is usually one load in one load out to keep on top of it. I polish and mop when required. Usually once a week, sometimes push it to fortnightly.

The key is to do something every day otherwise it just builds up.