Ethnicity questions from in-laws!!

[Funinthesun20]

My in-laws don’t seem to understand my ethnicity and mostly “where my curly hair comes from?” And that of the kids curly hair and the fact that they tan easily!!

Background: So, I identify (mostly because I look) as a white woman with thick light brown curly hair. My kids (3) one is curly dark haired, two are blonde/light brown looser curls.

My grandad was a black man (Jamaican) , married an Irish white woman, and my dad and aunts and they are light skin but mixed race. My dad married a white woman and had 3 children. We are all light/white skinned but all with brown curly hair.

You could say that we (My dad, me and my siblings are “racially ambiguous looking” as in we are white with something going on!! 😛

My in laws met my grandad a couple of time when he was alive. But after 10 years it still baffles them that he is my grandfather!!
They are by no means racist, more ignorant I guess.

To be honest, since I have been wearing my hair curly (to help the kids love their curls, I needed to love mine and show them that their hair is beautiful) it’s become a thing to comment on, as I guess I do look more ethnic.
Asking “is it natural” “where does that come from?” “How do you get it so curly”

When my brother came home from travelling he had let his hair grow to a full hair of beautiful brown sun kissed curls and he was so unbelievably tanned! And they couldn’t get their heads around it when they saw pictures of him. Again, not in a racist way more in a completely oblivious way as to why he is able to tan so well!

I was blunt with them on Easter Sunday, after they commented on my hair and the kids hair as to where my hair comes from. I just kind of shouted out, well my grandad was black wasn’t he!!
My husband is completely on my side and said i wasn't rude, but firm.
He also doesn’t seem to get why they are so fascinated and perplexed as to how genetics work, and how my grandfather can be black but I am white!
He has spoken them about it and reiterated that my her grandfather was black.

I don’t even know where I’m going with this post! It’s weird for me as I am in all sense a white woman. So I don’t think they can or are being racist to me as I am white like them? (I hope that makes sense?)

It is racist for them to keep commenting. Especially when they know that it comes from your grandad. They are othering you and your kids.

I think its racism. They know your genetic history to a degree. Personally I'd ask DH to sit down with them and draw a basic family tree and go through the basic genetics once. Then that's it. After that they are purely being racist rather than thick

How ridiculous and annoying. Why they gotta keep asking?! They know your grandad was black, what are they hoping to achieve? Good for you for shouting them down. Keep doing it @Funinthesun20

Genetics are cool and interesting! You sound cool too

Your in-laws sound weird

I'm glad your DH has your back and is reinforcing this message because it is just so ignorant and annoying.

Can he also message them and ask that it's just not a topic of conversation again?

'Grandchild has inherited trait from grandparent' newsflash - it doesn't need to be discussed more than once.

I would guess they themselves have inherited a trait from their own grandparent, it's not that hard to understand!

Ask them why their eyebrows are such odd shapes. Don't elaborate. That will keep them wondering for a while.

Depends how much you like them. I'd do an ancestry or other brands as available dna test with me and the kids and show them, then get them one as a present. Go a bit more scientific rather than emotional. Some people like that, some don't but that's me, maybe not you...?

That’s really weird. Do they know your dad? Are you saying you’ve said ‘I get it from my dad’ and they still keep asking the same questions?

Also to add, I love to tell people that my grandad was black!
I’m so proud of him and my grandma. They actually made the local paper when they got married, which is insane!! ❤️

So more than once you have referred to yourself as white when you are mixed race. Perhaps if you do so with them this is what confuses them. So when they ask if they do again say it's because I am mixed race as are your grandchildren.

I like this

OP, do you actually think they are being purposefully rude or are they just a bit thick about genetics? Surely it must be one or the other.

I feel like some white people are disturbed by having non white genes in their blood line. Like the one drop 'rule', all they can see is the non white characteristics. These people might be completely non racist in other contexts, but find having, say mixed race grand children, difficult.

If they don't understand the basics of genetics and still find this an interesting topic of discussion after all these years, tbh I'd think they were a bit thick.

I know loads of white Irish women with very curly hair, so if you want to throw them for a loop, next time they ask say it's from your Irish Grandma. You could swap to different family members each time if you get bored.

They're being ridiculous

After my mum died it came out my dads mum didn't like her "because she was black"
Dad "she wasn't"

I was bored (lockdown) and went into ancestry.... her great grandad was black. So I'm white but me, my mums brother and my cousins all have curly hair
They also have amazing dark olive skin and dark hair but I'm as pale as a ghost. Genetics are weird

I would say “from my DNA, and where does your hair/eye colour come from?”

You’re being naive OP. They understand perfectly well - how can anyone not understand the words “my grandad was black”? The bit they can’t comprehend is that this is now in their family, in their grandchildren. They can’t wrap their heads around that - their grandkids are different from them.

They sound weird! Me and my husband and kids all have curly hair, my husband's grandfather is black. No mixed heritage on my side as far as I know. We have a lot of comments about the kids hair, mostly people commenting how lovely it is, probably every time I leave the house with the kids to be honest at least one stranger comments! I also get asked about mine a lot, is it natural, etc!

It's ingrained racism, they don't feel like it is, but it IS!

I had similar when I was pregnant, my partner is mixed race and my grandparents asked how dark his child from a previous relationship was! And lots of comments about how 'fair' my child is once they were born, comments that would be so weird to say if they had 2 white parents.

Genetic are fascinating, my child got my white skin but their dads height and huge feet while their sibling is the spit of their dad facially but got their mums exact eyes and build.

Yep exactly that. Can’t say I’m surprised though

Well what do you expect, when you're mixed but referring to yourself as white 🙄

I don’t understand what they don’t get?

Them: Where does it come from?

You: I’m mixed race. My grandad was Black. You met him.

Them: ?

What do they say at that point? What’s the confusion?

They know you've all got curly hair and why, so not sure why they are so obsessed by it. They're the strange ones to keep going on about it. Are they maybe a bit thick? or have they got some sort of weird agenda?

It’s got to be deliberate surely? I don’t think they’re likely to forget after you told them your Grandad was black, when they had assumed you/your family were white.

I'm sorry, but you are not white. You may be white presenting but you are mixed race, and hopefully proud of that fact.
My daughters are both mixed race. (My husband is 3/4 Jamaican 1/4 Italian. I am white) One daughter is white presenting, to a point. Thick curly hair, gorgeous brown eyes, plump lips but pale skin. Youngest daughter much darker and obviously mixed.
The one that is white presenting often says she is "white" like mummy which is untrue but at her age I understand why she thinks this. This is what is causing their confusion, you might say your grandad is black, but at the same time separating yourself from your heritage by calling yourself white.