Ethnicity questions from in-laws!!

[Funinthesun20]

My in-laws don’t seem to understand my ethnicity and mostly “where my curly hair comes from?” And that of the kids curly hair and the fact that they tan easily!!

Background: So, I identify (mostly because I look) as a white woman with thick light brown curly hair. My kids (3) one is curly dark haired, two are blonde/light brown looser curls.

My grandad was a black man (Jamaican) , married an Irish white woman, and my dad and aunts and they are light skin but mixed race. My dad married a white woman and had 3 children. We are all light/white skinned but all with brown curly hair.

You could say that we (My dad, me and my siblings are “racially ambiguous looking” as in we are white with something going on!! 😛

My in laws met my grandad a couple of time when he was alive. But after 10 years it still baffles them that he is my grandfather!!
They are by no means racist, more ignorant I guess.

To be honest, since I have been wearing my hair curly (to help the kids love their curls, I needed to love mine and show them that their hair is beautiful) it’s become a thing to comment on, as I guess I do look more ethnic.
Asking “is it natural” “where does that come from?” “How do you get it so curly”

When my brother came home from travelling he had let his hair grow to a full hair of beautiful brown sun kissed curls and he was so unbelievably tanned! And they couldn’t get their heads around it when they saw pictures of him. Again, not in a racist way more in a completely oblivious way as to why he is able to tan so well!

I was blunt with them on Easter Sunday, after they commented on my hair and the kids hair as to where my hair comes from. I just kind of shouted out, well my grandad was black wasn’t he!!
My husband is completely on my side and said i wasn't rude, but firm.
He also doesn’t seem to get why they are so fascinated and perplexed as to how genetics work, and how my grandfather can be black but I am white!
He has spoken them about it and reiterated that my her grandfather was black.

I don’t even know where I’m going with this post! It’s weird for me as I am in all sense a white woman. So I don’t think they can or are being racist to me as I am white like them? (I hope that makes sense?)

Ignorant comment

The fact is many people are like that, especially older ones in my epreperience, ie over 50/55

IMO and please do not forget I'm not present during the chats, the in-laws are only asking out of curiosity.

FYI: I'm not from the UK and I've been asked many funny questions over the years especially when I visited leints, EG, "do you mind if I ask you..."

Often related to are you "Muslim, do you celebrate x/y/zz... did you have an arranged marriage, do you like England, you people are ok its the xxx that are not..." You live and learn and as time went on and the political correctness grew, there was much less of this. Less as it being less in the open, if you get what I mean

Having stated the above, meeting clients I've asked you from scotland/ireleand, etc etc. People can ask but its how you do and where you do it

When I was younger, now in my very early 60's - a lot has changed for the better but at times I feel that people get offended for the sake of being offended. We are all different and but most of us don't want to offend anyone and try to be aware of the laws. ATM, at times, I think the media makes more out of something than the people, group of people it is claiming to try and help

No offence to anyone as in my books, if you are nice/ok to me I will be really nice to you and don't care if you are an ordinary person like me or the president of England.

100% agreed

Just going to leave this here...

https://lithub.com/how-the-one-drop-rule-became-a-tool-of-white-supremacy/

I'd remind the ILs that your DC had a black great grandad and perhaps the ILs need to visit the GP/memory clinic as you've told them many times before (headtilt).

Dcousin had this with her ILs too and the above sentence worked a treat! 😉

And another spiteful 'let's scare people into thinking they have dementia' post. With added obnoxious Mumsnet head tilt.

WTF is wrong with some people?

It seems weird that they keep on and on about your hair and kids hair.

I’d tell them that the average DNA shared with a great grandparent is 12.5% but could be as little as 4% or as much as 23%.
https://customercare.23andme.com/hc/en-us/articles/212170668-Average-Percent-DNA-Shared-Between-Relatives

I am white but as I get older I've had my eyes opened to this casual racism that is everywhere. It's so helpful when people like your DH call it out because truly it's shocking when you start seeing it !

I'm not actually "white" but failed to recognise the racist culture around me when I was younger. Even though my school firneds turned on me when asians from Africa were kicked out by a dictator/Adin Amin I think his name was - it was only when I was about 30 that I realsied what was going on
Having said that, the vast majority of people in England are not like that.

Ignorance, if it is ignorance, is no excuse. I would tell them in future that your hair and the kid’s hair is no longer up for discussion. If they whine at you about “why” just stick to your guns and say it’s been discussed enough and that’s it now.

I came on to say just tell them you are a 1/4 black. Someone has stated it already but I'm going to say it aswel. It's a simple explanation and probably easier for them to understand as they seem weirdly hell bent on mithering you about it.

You are a mixed race woman. Not white. Your father is mixed race and your mother is white, which makes you mixed race. You can identify how you wish but from a mixed woman to another, why are you rejecting your black Jamaican side.

Op isn't black though, stop trying to frame this as being racist

I think you’ve misunderstood me, @Spindly.

Completely agree. 👏🏽👏🏽

Are you white? If so, you would not understand at all.

Is there some legal definition of mixed race I'm missing? What about the OP's children, who are 1/8 black- are they mixed race too? Am I mixed race because I'm 1/16 or 1/32 (still can't remember which) black?

No, youve been understood correctly.

HILARIOUS!!!!!!!! ROLLING ON THE FLOOR WITH LAUGHTER. HOW DROLL!!

Not

I am not trying to frame the OP as being racist - merely questioning her apparently superficial conception of what it means to be a black person. My existence is not limited to racism and curly hair.

I’m really not going to change my opinion because someone else attempts to twist my words!

I am black and I think that is a racist attitude. Reminds me of the one drop and I hate it. OP is mostly white, one drop doesn’t make you black and she should choose how she identifies. She’s mostly treated as a white woman so it makes sense she identifies that way.

No one asks me why I don’t identify with my German side lol

Well this is what happened to Meghan isn’t it? It’s not uncommon when poc marry into white families. But of course it’s different if it’s the RF doing it.

The OP has.
Numerous times.
They met her grandad.

why should they be allowed to continue bothering her about her background?

why is it such an issue for them?

I think it needs billing in the bud.

Interesting that some PP are offended by the memory comments yet haven’t mentioned the OP being othered/irritated by this comment.

Why is it ok for the IL to upset OP but not the other way round….

Ok, not 'trying to frame', just 'framing. So op doesn't see black people as having culture or whatever. And OP's post is 'concerning'.

How is any of the following relevant to (pretty much) white op describing herself as white? We're still doing the one drop rule on phenotypically white people with a black ancestor?

And if she did say she's black, someone/you would still take issue, I'm sure.

According to you, said to OP:

*Do you genuinely think that all there is to being a black person is racism and how one is perceived by white people? You haven’t considered thousands of years of global history, art, science, philosophy, agriculture, religion, storytelling …?

Extraordinary.

And as for ‘living as a white person’. How, pray, do you imagine your life differs from mine, day to day?

It’s (mildly) concerning that your language implies such a lack of critical thinking about your own heritage. And worrying for your children if you think being black amounts to nothing more than racism and hair.*

I don’t care whether the OP perceives herself as white. I do care that her expressed opinion seems to be that being black is purely about having to deal with any racism or discrimination and having curly hair. That would be a meagre cultural inheritance for her children.

How many more times do I have to say it?

I wonder, though, how many people could pick their great grandparents out of a lineup. We each have 8 great grandparents. I know almost nothing about any of mine - all were dead before I was born. I know that one of them drank a lot and one was a farmer. The other 6, well I have no idea at all. I could probably name one of them, partially, not even a full name. I'm not sure that a person in general gets much cultural inheritance from a great grandparent?