How to deal with neighbours who bang and shout when my toddler cries?

[17O222]

We live in a flat and my 2 year old (obviously) cries when he wants something, hungry, wakes up etc. like any other normal 2 year old. I don’t feel he cries any more than a normal toddler of his age and we don’t leave him to just cry and cry.
I completely understand that this would be annoying to neighbours, I don’t enjoy it either!
My neighbours upstairs have started banging, stomping, turning their music up so loud we can’t hear the TV and sometimes screaming. These people are in their mid 50’s so just odd behaviour.
How would you deal with this or would you just ignore it? I feel like it’s really stressing me out everytime my toddler cries now because I’m worried at how they’ll react. We can’t afford to move right now so that isn’t an option but hopefully in a year so we’ll be able to move.

I would call the police and say I’ve heard screaming from upstairs and I’m concerned for their welfare. Utter dickheads. Let them explain to the police that they are fine and the screaming is just them deliberately harassing a stressed mum with a small child.

To be fair if they did that to me I would kick up such a stink that they would probably live in genuine fear of me after that.

Are you renting or do you own? If you rent then when they start making noise then start keeping a diary and recording how loud it is, and make a noise complaint to the council. Kids noise is to be expected. It’s life. What they are doing is harassment and it’s not acceptable.

Harder if you own as you don’t want a neighbour dispute on record. Either way, look to move. They aren’t going to get any easier to live with as your kids get older. My child hasn’t got any less noisy. People like this will not get any Less unreasonable and they’ve obviously got something wrong with them that they think this behaviour is ok. It will continue. Soon they will be pushing notes through asking for silence between set hours.

I was harrassed like this in a flat once, which is why your story has triggered me. Our upstairs neighbour worked from home. Walls were very thin (we could hear people peeing), and if I so much as dropped a spoon he would be hammering on the door. Completely unreasonable and he wanted us to be silent at all times during the day, which just wasn’t going to happen. He used to do things like water plants on his balcony while we were on ours (the balconies were metal with holes for rain to
pass through, terrible design). The landlord was a friend of ours and when we moved out we told him it was because of this neighbour. His next tenants were students (and he did this on purpose). Hope they made him as miserable as he made up. Guessing so as he moved out. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy every time i remember that.

I imagined they are childless and don’t have a clue the stress you’re under and how much more stressful it is to worry about upsetting them. I bet they screamed when they were toddlers.
I would play extremely loud and aggressive rap or metal when my kids were out,and dare the neighbours to challenge me, I’d terrify them so they kept their thoughts to themselves. Or I’d share mine.

Channel your inner Sam Jackson as Jules from Pulp Fiction in that scene where they go to get the briefcase. ‘Say ‘what’ again, I dare you, I double dare you MF, say ‘what’ one more Goddamn time!’. It worked for my
neighbour, she won’t ever darken my door again 😂

Been there. Honestly get out ASAP. It won't get better and if you own the flat having a neighbour dispute on official record will make hard to sell. Solicitor advised this to us 2 years ago but we stupidly thought it we got the police involved the neighbour would change. It didn't!

That's awful behaviour from them. So stressful for you

I can understand a newborn crying a lot, but by 2 they shouldn’t be crying as much as you’ve described. This is a bit odd. I think I would be at my wits end if I had to put up with 2 years of crying too. Is there something physically/SEN etc wrong with your child?

.

Have you never heard of the terrible twos? DS could tantie for a good 20 minutes for no reason at that age.

No, they are 2! 2 year olds cry lots. Threenagers are bloody noisy too. They are only just beginning to learn how to manage their emotions. It takes years.

Don’t you have kids?

No they are not childless and she works with children which is even worse…

Unfortunately nobody is being unreasonable
at the end of the day your household is disturbing there’s

We both own so definitley not keen on going down the police route unless we absolutely have to. I’m sorry you had a similar situation and very happy for you that you were able to move!

Have you tried talking to them?

I would absolutely call the police and tell them you hear a woman screaming. Fucking wankers.

This is not odd and have had all the relevant health checks and asked about what level of crying is normal and I have been told it’s completely normal. I also have a lot of friends with children the same age and mine cries less than theirs. You’re in for a shocker if you have children because 2 years olds cry!!!

As you both own, why don't you suggest you each soundproof the layer between your flats?
If the music is loud enough to constitute noise nuisance, you could go down the formal complaint route but then you'd have to declare that when you sell.
When my neighbours are being noisy, I put music on to drown it out, I'm not being malicious but I don't want to sit in my own home listening to their noise. I know that my music isn't loud enough to constitute noise nuisance, and neither is their baby/dog/DIY/latest noise source.

I'd go and talk to them with your DH. Keep it civil, say you understand how annoying and disturbing a child crying can be but what, realistically, can be done to help this?

Ask them what they did when their children were crying all hours (as I'm sure they did) - do they have any hot tips? Perhaps that will get them to think back........ maybe not, but you'll have the moral high ground.

If they are abusive call the police.

Are you her neighbour? Glad I don’t live next to you if you think this is reasonable!

This is not odd! This is normal toddler behaviour, and it’s incredibly hard to manage without some unrelated adults adding to the pressure. Sending you a big hug OP. My previous advice is probably not very good, but it might help to imagine it at least.

Thank you ❤️ it would be good advice if I were brave enough to do it!! 😂
im not very good with confrontation but need to do something or just suck it up and ignore it as it’s not fair on my child to not be able to express his feelings because I’m scared of him making noise

It's not confrontation, it's communication. Kill with kindness. Be curious, ask questions, be social. Yes, they are being dickheads but there could be a reason. Finding out what it is is really important.

Just allow him to do what he needs, and try and culture some shadenfrauder when you think it’s pissing off nextdoor. Sod them, you concentrate on what happens in your home.

Neither of you are unreasonable. Yes children cry but he obviously cries a lot for them to be kicking up such a fuss

Good god, how embarrassing for you.
They probably do that twiddly thing with their fingers when they see you coming and tell all their friends about their insane neighbour.