How to deal with neighbours who bang and shout when my toddler cries?

[17O222]

We live in a flat and my 2 year old (obviously) cries when he wants something, hungry, wakes up etc. like any other normal 2 year old. I don’t feel he cries any more than a normal toddler of his age and we don’t leave him to just cry and cry.
I completely understand that this would be annoying to neighbours, I don’t enjoy it either!
My neighbours upstairs have started banging, stomping, turning their music up so loud we can’t hear the TV and sometimes screaming. These people are in their mid 50’s so just odd behaviour.
How would you deal with this or would you just ignore it? I feel like it’s really stressing me out everytime my toddler cries now because I’m worried at how they’ll react. We can’t afford to move right now so that isn’t an option but hopefully in a year so we’ll be able to move.

My daughter at 2 was an absolute nightmare on awakening from naps, no matter what I did. Luckily we live in a detached house. Once she could communicate properly (she talks a lot, lol) and wasn’t napping in the day (nearer 3), it all improved massively. She also had killer meltdowns at 2. She is a developmentally normal teenager now, who still talks a lot. My other daughter used to shout loudly for me on waking every morning, which I trained her out of of (eventually) so she didn’t wake up with whole house!

I had upstairs neighbours in a flat who phoned the police on us (I was in my early 20s and lived with my sister at the time) for arriving home from our bar jobs in the early hours - they assumed we were having a party as we were young! The police were embarrassed for us. People can be weird. They had young children and I never once complained about the noise they made. My brother had a guy who played rave music in the flat above him for a few years - they actually got on quite well, but he didn’t seem to understand how loud his music was!

If you can I would attempt to speak to them, but it may be a case of putting up with it until you can move. Why people that can’t cope with some noise live in a flat is beyond me (and yes I know houses are more expensive). They are probably the type who would moan about children playing in their own garden in the middle of the day.

DS like this regularly - he's almost 7yo. It's hardly fun for the parent either, trust me!

Just when you think you've seen all the different types of batshittery on here, some poor soul with difficult neighbours lures out a load of contrarians to claim that toddlers don't cry!! 😂😂😂

This isn’t relevant to the neighbours stomping, screaming etc though. If you agree 2 year olds cry, you must agree it’s unreasonable for neighbours to act in this way as a result of a child crying. The neighbours do not know the reason, however they act like brats anyway.

Oh, absolutely @Ladyluckinred the neighbours are not going about their frustrations in any kind of reasonable manner.

But the op posted about what can she do about it. And a bit of awareness that there may well be excessive 2 year old crying, would be helpful in a chat with them.

The op hasn't said I don't think, but if they've both been in their houses since the child was born and this has only just started, then it might be that they accepted the baby noises as just that, and are now starting to wonder what's going on.

But this is where it becomes tricky. What is excessive two year old crying? How is that measured? Bearing in mind the HV has assessed the child is absolutely fine, so certainly no concerns from a professional.

This is purely subjective, it’s what the neighbours have deemed to be excessive. If the neighbours were really wondering ‘what was going on’ from a place of concern, they’d navigate this in a constructive manner - not a childish one. And no, the OP has not given a timeframe of when this began to my knowledge.

I would do this, what a pair of (unts they are ☹️

That’s right. I come from a very multicultural family. Relatives all over the world. Something I’ve noticed:

Spanish cousin. Epic meltdowns when he was 2-4.

French cousins. Epic meltdowns when they were 2-4. I once read an article saying that French kids don’t have tantrums the way ours do. Oh how I laughed.

Swiss cousin, Indian cousin, German cousin, American niece … guess what? All kids cry.

Go buy a small holding somewhere isolated if you can’t cope with people.

Also my 3 year old is bloody awful when he wakes. We have to have food ready. He gets that from me, but because I’m not a toddler I’ve learned not to rage at wake up time. He’ll get there 😂

Have you spoken to them? Have you actually been upstairs to listen to the noise from their perspective?

Have you tried building up a relationship with them? Go and have a chat, explain that you recognise it’s not working for either of you so what can you both do to change the situation? It’s much easier for them to be angry at a stranger then someone who they have civil conversations with.

are you for real? my 2 year old cries if i cut his sandwhich the wrong way! it's called terrible 2s for a reason. guessing you have no kids or had them in 1920

Please don't waste Police time 🙄

Are there any other flats in this building that have to put up with the noises from both sides? What are all the other neighbours like and has anyone else complained about a crying child or overly loud music?

Honestly, this is an unfortunate situation for both of you. I feel for both sides.

I would be so tempted to record her screaming and send it to her employer. Someone so unhinged has no place working with children.

Petty and spiteful.

Maybe after a whole day working with little ones, she would like some peace and quiet in the evenings?

I don't agree with how they're going about it though.

Presumably they stop banging and shouting when your toddler stops crying? So aren't actually reducing how much noise free time you have? If you don't like confrontation but want to do something (doubt I'd have the energy if they pipe down once he's quiet) I'd write a note saying yes he's loud, you'd like less crying too, here are some ear plugs and a bar of chocolate to get you through the next few months.

🤣🤣 it's unbelievable, isn't it??

Maybe after a whole day working with little ones, she would like some peace and quiet in the evenings?

Yes, usually when my peace is disturbed after a rough day, I find turning the television up to maximum volume and screaming like a banshee calms me right down. Really cathartic 🧘‍♂️

Apparently I take on a psycho stare at people who are pissing me off. It seems to work well especially when I do a slow smile too.

Is there anyway to add some insulation?

I'd try speaking to them. The people at fault are the people who converted or built the flats. I find the noise of little kids crying extremely grating. It goes right through to my bones. However I can understand that it's almost impossible to stop a kids from crying.

If you speak to them maybe you can come to so,e sort of agreement. Maybe if you try and keep the crying to one area at certain times or something.

The worst outcome is for you and your neighbors to be at war with one another.

Of course 2 year olds cry, but this should not something that your neighbours should hear regularly. At 2 you can definitely start to discourage the behaviour if the crying is done for attention seeking purposes, or for something that the child can communicate differently.

I’m quite astonished how many people think it ok to call the police and waste their time as well. I bet you are the same lot who complain that the police don’t act fast enough when they are genuinely needed somewhere.

We had this. I reported them to the council anti-social team ( remarkably they threatened to report us!). The council spoke to us both and then told them that the noise was normal family noise and that if they continued to behave like that to us, they would require their landlord to take action against them. They stopped after that and shortly moved out.

Their behaviour is OTT but the screeching noise must be driving them demented in their own home and that's not fair on them either. You're just not compatible neighbours. The fault is with the flats. My building is like that, you can hear through the floors. Suggestions- can you gift them a white noise machine? Is there anything that can be done with the insulation?

If you live in a modern flat, you have to be able to tolerate a certain amount of noise, and no court or landlord is going to be interested in their complaints. I can understand their frustration if this is happening at unsociable hours, or when someone is trying to work from home, but there is little you can do about it, no 2yo will be happy all of the time because they have big feelings about pretty much everything and limited vocabulary to express them.

What if any attempts to soundproof have you made? Do you have carpets/thick rugs down, for example, to absorb the sound? Having minimal stuff and hard floors really make the noise travel in flats (I realised this when neighbours commented on increased noise and the only thing I had changed was boxing up most of my stuff and putting it in storage when I was trying to sell). Having bookshelves/wardrobes against the shared walls, carpets, thick rugs on the floor, helps absorb a lot of the sound. It won't stop all of it, but it may dampen the impact of anything short of the complete meltdown tantrums.