How to deal with neighbours who bang and shout when my toddler cries?

[17O222]

We live in a flat and my 2 year old (obviously) cries when he wants something, hungry, wakes up etc. like any other normal 2 year old. I don’t feel he cries any more than a normal toddler of his age and we don’t leave him to just cry and cry.
I completely understand that this would be annoying to neighbours, I don’t enjoy it either!
My neighbours upstairs have started banging, stomping, turning their music up so loud we can’t hear the TV and sometimes screaming. These people are in their mid 50’s so just odd behaviour.
How would you deal with this or would you just ignore it? I feel like it’s really stressing me out everytime my toddler cries now because I’m worried at how they’ll react. We can’t afford to move right now so that isn’t an option but hopefully in a year so we’ll be able to move.

I have seen that you own @17O222 Given that, I completely agree with @Sixpence39 post. I moved into a house where it turned out we had a batshit neighbour. We sold and moved within a year. Many people in this kind of situation ask “why should I move”? For me, it was for peace of mind in my own home. I cut my losses and moved on with my life.

Call the police and report harassment. I went through years of hell with the neighbours underneath. Initially, I didn't contact the police but the harassment got worse and they reported me to social services for child cruelty and neglect. I was on my own with twins who I aas breastfeeding on demand. It was all utter hell. You need to pre-empt any further harassment. You can tell the police you just want it on record. Also, record them screaming etc. Honestly, some people need to get over themselves!

As you own make sure you sell to people likely to be really noisy. Young party animals. Karma will fix their lack of empathy.

This is a tough one. Someone else's crying baby is like nails down a chalkboard.

And your neighbours don't sound like reasonable people.

But it also sounds like two families are not sleeping over one child.

But how do you all sleep, if you're in a constant state of stress, which your child will feed into?

I'd probably write them a letter.

I'd tell them:
Your intent to move asap
The stress on you and your child it causes by banging and shouting, which causes more stress and crying
You don't want to make a police complaint because it will impact on your ability to move as quickly as possible - whether you rent or buy - if there is a police complaint on record about neighbours

But I'd also look at every avenue of moving.

You've achieved the biggest source of domestic happiness - which is partner and child you adore.

The second biggest source of domestic happiness is getting on with your neighbours. There are so many horror stories involving people who don't get on with their neighbours. I'd rather move, than live next door to someone I didn't feel safe around. Home is where you need to feel safe and happy.

That's a bit harsh, haven't you heard of "the terrible 2s" they have limited capacity to cope with their feelings, so get frustrated and cry, our DGS is the same age and cries if he can't see one parent or has to be changed, not bawling crying but whingeing, that's toddler's they are either happy or not.

This is awful. I have a 2 and a 3 year old and I feel your pain. I have a good relationship with my neighbours but I drop into conversation from time to time about the noise they make. Sometimes you would think my 3 yo is being murdered the screaming she does during a tantrum, it's Terrible. I couldn't imagine what I would do if my neighbours were banging on the wall also. Luckily my neighbours have 4 grown up kids and a few grandkids so they understand and always say they never heard it (a lie for sure lol but a lovely one) but I still drop it into conversation why the tantrum occurred so they know we aren't murdering our children lol. I feel for you having to go through this, it's just extra stress during an already stressful period. I don't think your neighbours would even respond to a civil conversation, they sound like complete AHs

👏🏾👏🏾

Ah, there’s always a ‘must be childless’ comment - suggesting that is as insulting as suggesting they must be part of some other minority group. Would you do that? To suggest that a childless person is either dense or unpleasant due to their childless status is insulting - bit of advice; don’t do it

I suggested that, as anyone who had kids would knows what small children are like, and as such would not add to the stress of the situation (as would any half decent member of humanity hopefully!). If the neighbours did not have children, it would perhaps be more understandable from their point of view, as they wouldn’t have a normal noise for child barometer.
I don’t think people who don’t have children are inherently unpleasant or dense, that’s quite a hot take! I didn’t intend to upset anyone, just back up the OP.
💐

As you own the property I would go speak to them, explain what the noise is and your situation - it’s perfectly normal and not something you are doing to annoy them. Try to come to an understanding and let them know that their screaming and banging isn’t helping. If you don’t want to do not face to face then pen them a letter however banging neighbours are a bit like keyboard warriors - doing this to someone they don’t know behind closed doors is a lot easier than to someone’s face. Kill them with kindness - take a bunch of flowers and be mercilessly apologetic.
if you can’t find a way forward then let them know that your only alternative to the solution is to swap homes with your ‘brother’ or any male family member you might want to use to live in the flat who has young children that play instruments, he plays rock music and they love parties - so then they will understand the meaning of noise and have something to complain about however also be sure to inform them that your brother will not be bothered about all their screaming and banging at all. It might not be true but will get them thinking even if they don’t react to it initially!
Could you consider renting it out and finding somewhere quieter whilst you save for another place?

They're expecting a 2 year old baby to be self under control yet the ironic thing is theyre in their 50s and stomping round over a child crying so they clearly have no bloody control over themselves.

Good old victim blaming again. All toddlers cry sometimes. You sound very pompous.

Apologize for what though a baby crying. It's what babies do.

House swap with me for a couple of months. I'm a brass musician...

@Aquamarine1029

Next time they call the police on you...

Try to keep kid quite and be a good neighbour. It can be done and it's a parents' responsibility.

It's ok, I understand no offence was intended. As it happens, the neighbours do have children - not a surprise. Parental status doesn't give empathy for someone else - many parents are clueless and lacking empathy, whilst many people without children are the opposite.

I agree, having children doesn’t mean you’re necessarily empathetic, but that you’d at least be well aware of what children do, and how banging on the wall and complaining would just be utterly pointless and mean. So the conclusion is these neighbours are just arseholes.

I think like a few posters have said, you should go and have a conversation with them. Take your DP with you if you're worried about it, but you do need to address this.
My DD is a terrible night sleeper. She is 15 months old and wakes up screaming several times a night at the moment due to teething. If it goes on for too long, on rare occasions I also Iet out my own roar of frustration (mother of the year!) and I know it must be awful for our neighbours. It is embarrassing but I make a point of apologising for disturbing them, and I let them know we really are trying our best to help Alice sleep through.
Let them know that you're not one of the parents who ignore a tantrum without thought for others, and maybe tell them, as you've told us, how much harder it makes it when they start slamming around or screaming. They do sound highly strung, but perhaps just your acknowledgement of the impact you understand your DC has on their day to day during crying spells will be enough to make them back off. Good luck OP!

Talk to them and explain that they are terrifying your little one and making things worse. Tell them THEY are behaving like toddlers and it has to stop.

If they persists, then retaliate - when you go out, put your radio on full blast, as close to the ceiling as you can, and leave it on. Record some drilling and banging sounds and play them too.

Tell them you will repeat this until they learn to behave considerately.

This. Yes do it, it will make them
think twice about doing it again

🙄🤪

My daughter had the same from
her odd neighbour. She had a newborn baby that was literally days old, woman banging on the walls. Try to ignore their behaviour; they want you to react and carrying on with your normal life must continue. Your child is not deliberately playing loud music etc or dogs constantly barking. No one can do anything about a small child making normal noises. They shouldn’t live in a flat if they are that sensitive to noises.

Wolfpa · 06/04/2024 10:34
Are you able to put any sound proofing in? This will help with your noise and theirs”

This. We are retiring to a top floor flat soon and will be soundproofing under the flooring and on the wall that adjoins our older neighbour. We can appreciate both sides. We enjoy our peace and quiet but also have a young grandchild who will stay and my husband enjoys his music. I intend - finally - to learn to play the piano and wouldn’t inflict that on the people below/next to us 😁

It's not as costly as we had imagined.

What's wrong with people on this thread! My toddler would cry because his craker would brake when bit into it. He would cry because his hand were dirty or because he wanted to put his shoes on himself despite being completely unable to do so. Toddlers cry and scream a lot. They are very hard to calm down because half of the time they don't even know why they are upset. OP go and talk to these people as calmly as you can.

Introduce them to your toddler even. Maybe if they meet you two they will stop behaving in such nasty way