How to deal with neighbours who bang and shout when my toddler cries?

[17O222]

We live in a flat and my 2 year old (obviously) cries when he wants something, hungry, wakes up etc. like any other normal 2 year old. I don’t feel he cries any more than a normal toddler of his age and we don’t leave him to just cry and cry.
I completely understand that this would be annoying to neighbours, I don’t enjoy it either!
My neighbours upstairs have started banging, stomping, turning their music up so loud we can’t hear the TV and sometimes screaming. These people are in their mid 50’s so just odd behaviour.
How would you deal with this or would you just ignore it? I feel like it’s really stressing me out everytime my toddler cries now because I’m worried at how they’ll react. We can’t afford to move right now so that isn’t an option but hopefully in a year so we’ll be able to move.

That’s not what ‘quiet enjoyment’ means. It’s a legal term mainly relating to tenancy agreements, but can also mean the occupant is entitled to live without harassment. If anyone is in breach of this, it’s the people banging and screaming, not the child crying (which is classed as normal family noise).

I think it's perfectly reasonable to accept that not everyone will be understanding of your child's behaviour and whilst they are not going about it the right way, I have sympathy for your neighbours, living next to the noise must not be pleasant.

Thats all wonderful etc. but we're talking about 2, not 5+.

Do you think tantrums in toddlers at exclusive to Britain or something? If some idiot came up lecturing me when I'm wrangling melting down toddler - oh boy.

@AllThePotatoesAreSinging 'That’s not what ‘quiet enjoyment’ means.'

For goodness sake...what a waste of the comment

'Quiet' and 'enjoyment' not just 'legal terms'.

They are simply words that in this case I used to mean they want a peaceful home, like most of us, and should not have to put up with relentless noise from neighbours.

Get a new hobby.

These threads almost always turn into an opportunity for posters to bash British parenting and British children, it’s tiresome! I’ve travelled all around Europe, Asia and America - every country has toddlers having tantrums - it is not exclusive to the UK. I have neighbours, from Saudi (seeing as country of origin is important to some), and their child has constant meltdowns at night. She’s a child, it doesn’t bother me, I think her poor parents are likely dealing with enough without me making life harder for them.

Why do some always jump to the defence of the ‘poor neighbours’. Why is it so hard to consider the neighbours could be absolute nightmares, who look for drama and perhaps unnecessarily bang to intimidate. It’s not outside the realms of possibility. Some on here love to take a contrary position, just for the hell of it.

I’m Sure they do want a peaceful home, but there’s nothing in OPs post to suggest the crying is relentless. Professionals have even told her it’s normal. Toddlers cry. If the neighbours want a peaceful (silent it seems) life with no normal neighbour noise then a flat probably isn’t the right choice of property for them.

As I understand it if you go through the council and don't do anything directly with the other person, it doesn't count as a dispute...but worth checking.

You definitely need to declare getting the council involved to deal with problem neighbours.

I wondered this. Other than newborn neither of my kids have cried because they are hungry.

Why are flats in this country designed in such a way that you can hear children crying/people talking/ tv and music?? It’s so tiring. Do any flats exist where you can’t hear your neighbours?

Are you able to put any sound proofing in? This will help with your noise and theirs.

I would be so tempted to record her screaming and send it to her employer. Someone so unhinged has no place working with children.

Unfortunately taking action could devalue your home, I would zone them out for now and move ASAP!

Sorry but this is one of the most ridiculous suggestions. It could easily backfire on OP. If the neighbour is unhinged the company could easily release OP's communications to the neighbour as part of a SAR snd it could endanger OAP more or they could literally ignore it completely as it's not affecting their business. I don't understand how you expect her to be disciplined for her actions she could explain away as a neighbour disagreement

Then kindly, if she works with children, and presumably has dealt with hundreds, she is not getting cross at typical child noise.

All children cry. At two it's not normal to be crying for an extended period of time, every time they feel hungry. Of course they tantrum. DTwins did virtually every day. But a proper tantrum? Usually at each other, and maybe once. Not multiple times on a daily basis.

Perhaps you're not dealing with it effectively. If your child is taking forever to settle every time it cries, and it sounds like it's a lot, their frustration is likely at your parenting style and not at the child.

On one hand I sort of get it - my upstairs neighbours are horrific with their noise. Their kids cry and scream for hours on end, it gets very tedious very quickly. However my neighbours are abusive pieces of shit to their children and I have to hear it all so my nerves are frayed the second the crying and shouting starts. It does get very very exhausting having to listen to other peoples children crying and screaming on a daily basis.

I agree. Find out.
My father was dying at home, many years ago, at an early age, and our neighbours didn’t know probably, probably knew he was ill, and I remember being upset as an early teen, that their young children were making such a noise, having fun outside in the garden.

My Mum, whose beloved husband was dying, explained to me that I was being very unreasonable, and I saw that too, when she explained. They were just very young children having fun on a sunny day. ( they were lovely little girls)

But it just shows you don’t really know what is going on with other peoples lives.
They didn’t know our family were living a tragedy. My Mum most of all, as there was no care to help her with my father, until ultimately they took him back to hospital, after many weeks, of struggling on herself in a small bedroom, caring for my father.

I'm sorry but it is not normal for a 2yr old to cry when they wake up or for food. Is there a LD or other additional needs that we aren't aware of.

My neighbour used to do this eveytime we did gardening.
I shouted over one day “All ok there Bob?” And he never did it again. So fucking weird.

I would take a deep breath and go down and ask them why they were banging. When they say it’s because he was crying I would then just act totally confused and ask again because it’s totally illogical. Then ask them why they thought banging and shouting would stop a toddler crying. Tell them it makes him worse so please don’t do it again and you will try your best to stop him crying because you are also not a fan of wailing toddler! Hopefully they will feel embarrassed.

Children don't magically acquire language skills as soon as they turn 24 months. Some children only learnt to walk and say who Ed's 6 months prior.

And the cold is not the problem here. Banging and shouting in response is unhinged.

Do you mean they are actually screaming or just shouting v loudly? They aren't the same things. They sound horrible btw.

Gotta laugh at people on this thread expecting a two year old to be able to express their emotions without crying, but are sympathetic to a pair of 50 something's who can't express their emotions without stamping, screaming and playing obnoxiously loud music.

Why are adults A-OK to behave like toddlers but a toddler behaving like a toddler needs a fucking SEN Assessment?

That is so frustrating. My lovely neighbour upstairs pretended he couldn't hear my baby crying. I heard snoring coming from a different room and I think he was sleeping in the sitting room to avoid the noise - bless him!

Agree with PP, tell them the noise is making your toddler even more upset.

I don't think anyone is saying a 2 year old doesn't cry, @MonsteraMama, but what they are saying is that by 2, a NT toddler would not be crying for food or when they wake up. Even if their language skills aren't developed enough to articulate a full sentence, which many can but equally sone can't, they can still point, say even one word 'food' etc

Yes they do...

So because you have a child you assume every child is exactly the same as your child? Even if a child can say 'good' they're not going to say it in a calm tone if they're hungry in the morning.

They're going to (you guessed it) scream and cry.

Bearing in mind that 2 is anywhere from just over one' to nearly three years old.