How to deal with neighbours who bang and shout when my toddler cries?

[17O222]

We live in a flat and my 2 year old (obviously) cries when he wants something, hungry, wakes up etc. like any other normal 2 year old. I don’t feel he cries any more than a normal toddler of his age and we don’t leave him to just cry and cry.
I completely understand that this would be annoying to neighbours, I don’t enjoy it either!
My neighbours upstairs have started banging, stomping, turning their music up so loud we can’t hear the TV and sometimes screaming. These people are in their mid 50’s so just odd behaviour.
How would you deal with this or would you just ignore it? I feel like it’s really stressing me out everytime my toddler cries now because I’m worried at how they’ll react. We can’t afford to move right now so that isn’t an option but hopefully in a year so we’ll be able to move.

This. When mine couldn’t communicate well they’d ask for a ‘nak nak’

Is the banging making you feel guilty about having a crying child? Is the banging annoying you due to the noise they make? Are you wanting to be friends with them? If the answer is yes to any of these things then I suggest you do something about it. If the answer is no then who cares?
Some neighbors don't get on, some are just jerks.
If it was me I'd worry more about what I was doing in my home than trying to keep the neighbours happy.

The 3 year old next door to us has a screaming fit every 20 minutes when they’re home. It drives me spare. I have not complained or banged on the wall as we would like to move when we can afford to without the complaint being in the record, but I do turn my music up. The crying and the barking dog have ruined my house for me.

I have kids, I dont recall them crying a lot at this age, but I kind of get the neighbours frustration if they're being woken early, middle of the night etc - not sure if this is the case or if i have missed any OP info. They've probably been putting up with crying for the last two years and maybe they know (esp if she works with kids) there is no solution to it other than to get their annoyance out by being stompy - makes them feel a bit better in their heads. There's not much of a solution really other than dealing with the crying - I don't think they should be crying when they're hungry or waking up but that's just my.opinion and experience.

Is he slightly behind in his speech/communication? Crying because he wants something or is hungry isn't normal. Surely he can say (in toddler fashion) what he wants and indicate that he's hungry in another way? Babies cry when they're hungry as they have no other way of communicating. Toddlers do.

If its happening at annoying times like the middle of the night or 6am, one thing you might not have considered is how loud it might actually be for them. Some flats almost enhance sound, we had a downstairs neighbour who could literally pinpoint my husband pottering to the toilet at 6am, and who could tell us the time our phone alarms went off each morning, or what shoes I was wearing - i couldnt have heard that in the rest of our flat. We couldn't hear her at all, so it really surprised us. We had a chat, worked out which rooms were the worst for noise and put in a noise stopping underlay in the bedroom (worst room) and re carpetted with a thicker carpet then always wore slippers inside. There are solutions out there, even simplistic cheaper ones you can stick on the walls (have a look at things people use for music studios/practice rooms). Have a chat with them coming from a very "this isn't ideal for anyone, let's see if we can all fix it together" tone. If it can be pinpointed to just his bedroom maybe its an easy fix. Do you have any other neighbours (at the side or below maybe) who can give you a heads up on what they can hear and where its worst (if the neighbours above won't talk to you)?
Equally they might just be total bell ends who can't cope with any noise at all, in which case I'd try and cope until you can move, and avoid having to declare the issue as a dispute. Sometimes people are just not very nice, are resentful of everyone else and it could be they hate being there anyway and are stuck and taking it out on you.

@Pinkpinkpink15

Your 2 year old should need to be crying all the time. Are they otherwise non verbal? Can they not signal without the crying??

Hold the bloody phone!!

A 2 year old shouldn't need to cry, but two middle aged adults are just fine and dandy to stomp about literally screaming to get their point across?

What the actual fuck?

Poor kid will be terrified. Do they think blasting music is going to train this child like Pavlov's dog not to cry anymore for fear of the noise they'll make in retaliation? Imbeciles.

Call the police OP.

Why is it unreasonable to phone the police when your neighbours are intimidating you by banging on the ceiling, blasting music so loud you can't hear your television, and literally screaming up at you?

Of course she should phone the police. It's intimidation and they have a young child at home.

We had psychotic neighbours once who screamed up at us and banged. It was unbelievable. You're damn right we phoned the police.

It’s developmentally normal. Your comment is weird.

i think her brother humanised the noise. Once you see a toddler being a toddler, it’s hard to be angry at them.

I am actually gobsmacked at this thread. What the fuck.

Your logic is "well they're only noisy when he's noisy. So the noise level is the same."

Mumsnet is honestly something else 🤦🏼‍♀️

what about how this is affecting the child? If every time a toddler cried, one of their parents started screaming and banging around, that would be abuse. What the neighbours are doing is harassment and nothing less.

This is bang on 😂

Is there something physically/SEN etc WRONG with your child?! Firstly SEN is NOT wrong, secondly, children cry especially at 2!! They don’t have a full vocabulary yet and even at 4+ they cry over things!! People need to stop equating standard behaviours and stating it’s SEN 🙄

And where do I get one? Mine cried for 10 minutes tonight because her brother opened the door before she did. She might have got there before him if she’d got out of her car seat faster instead of pratting about!

If she works with children she will be absolutely knackered by the end of the day. She will not want to hear another sound from a child. You are invading their space with your noise. Have you been into their flat and heard how loud your child sounds. You may be surprised at how loud it is.

😂 mine are the same at the moment. They pretty much fight over air.

Angelina, you seem to have imagined a fair bit about what the neighbour does and doesn’t want. Could you shed some light on why the neighbour can’t be a mature adult and share this, instead of making more noise and using her energy to scream, bang and turn up music/television?

OP, I had a neighbour that would come outside and bang her bin lids repeatedly every time we were having dinner in the garden. We have 3 children who would be talking (never screaming or shouting) and we understood that she didn’t like it. But it was the same silly thing that you have - making a competing noise to let us know her displeasure.
Our gardens are separated by a thick and ancient 9ft hedge - so visually very effective but does absolutely nothing for sound.

I went and knocked on the door and had it out in a sickeningly polite way. She explained that, in her opinion, it was weird of us to sit so near to “her” boundary, because we have over an acre of outdoor space. I explained that it is our sunny spot and also very near to our kitchen. We don’t want to walk an acre with our supper. I let the conversation rumble on for a few minutes before I just said “yes, and I find the bin lid banging thing very unusual too. Not at all normal behaviour. Are you quite alright?”

She turned an unusual shade of purple and tried to change the subject and that was that. Sometimes people just need to be called out on their completely batshit behaviour. She has banged no lids since.

We have had a little move around now and built a garage against “her” boundary. A few weeks later she put her house on the market. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Jesus suffering Christ. Some people are little more than animals! 😲

Well done you staying so calm

You can’t live in a flat and expect not to experience noise. It’s just not realistic especially in the uk where newer build flats are not the most substantial. That’s why people don’t want to live in flats. I spent most of my childhood in flats and then a lot of adulthood including with young children. No, you don’t have to put up with extreme noise and disturbance but you have to be able to tolerate a certain level as it comes with the territory.

Are you quite all right? You are my hero

@Spudthespanner

i didn't say anything about the neighbours. I said her two year old needs better communication skills they shouldn't be crying to get good, when they wake up etc. they can be shown & taught to communicate their needs without crying every 5 minutes.

its a waste of police resources to phone them because the neighbours are banging on the walls when the toddler is crying. They'll say it's a civil situation.

her two year old needs better communication skills

Bullshit

its a waste of police resources to phone them because the neighbours are banging on the walls when the toddler is crying. They'll say it's a civil situation.

Also bullshit.

You are excusing the neighbours behaviour by blaming it on a two year old's communication skills. You cannot magically make a child more developmentally able in any given area. What, do you think OP just isn't parenting hard enough and that's why her two year old still cries (every 5 minutes as you've fabricated)?

My son is 2 and a half. At 2 years old he went through a phase of crying upon waking. We don't know why, he was still barely more than a baby. Every morning he cried and we comforted him. The phase passed and now he wakes up chatting to himself. If a neighbour had started to scream and bang walls when my poor son was already confused and distressed I'd have wanted to fucking murder them. What communication skills was he lacking in then? What fantasy land is Mumsnet where posters are literally blaming a toddler for sometimes crying and not being able to verbalise their needs and wants?

The neighbours are grown adults and are banging on walls and screaming (!) in response to a child, a child, crying. They are animals as far as I'm concerned.

If a neighbour's behaviour makes you feel targeted and intimidated you are indeed urged to phone the police.

Thank god I live in a detached home now, but when we were previously in a flat I would have 100% phoned the police on these nutters. Fortunately our neighbours were all sane and civilised human beings.

If you know she works with children do you know where she works? Could you threaten to contact her employer saying she’s harassing a mother and young child? Either that or call the police if you hear screaming.

My eldest screamed and cried all the time between 18 months and 3.5. She screamed in the middle of the night having night terrors and she had loads of melt downs in the day time. She is a lovely child now. Some kids are just very vocal. Other children aren’t so vocal. Ignore the weirdos on here saying it isn’t “normal”.

I take it that you have informed Social Services about your neighbours abusing their children?