Taking children of 5 and under to places they won't enjoy

[Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain]

DB and SIL have a 5 (almost 6) year old DS and a 5 month old. SIL's DP's live at the other end of the country to her so she sees them in the holidays and some weekends.

During these holidays, the DP's sometimes go away with DB, SIL and the DC but usually to cultural places, and on holidays which are often cultural. The cultual places are often for SIL and her DP's who like this a lot. Their DS often gets bored though he does like the odd museum/stately home etc. His grandmother will often complain about DS's behaviour when he's at the cultural places (he behaves very well though generally there). They sometimes but don't often factor in playtime at parks. He'd be much happier with his other grandparents (my DP's) where they take him to playparks and child friendly museums etc or with his other cousins of a similar age where they do lots of outdoor activities.

Do you think it's unfair to drag a young child around to these places when it's obvious they don't enjoy it and get bored?

I don’t see why I have to explain myself to you.

But… she works and cares for him. She has to spend time with him on the weekends and holidays as he’s her DH and she’s not divorcing him.

So I hope that’s cleared things up for you.

Oh I forgot. I am still allowed as a non parent to have an opinion on what a child can or cannot do.

You’re dripping with smugness here with your condescending comments re my comments re having/not having children so I hope you’re proud of yourself. Things can fall apart at any moment, you’d do well to remember that.

Poor woman. It's really hard caring for someone disabled and bad tempered. Continuing to work part time will be a lifeline for her, and probably the only thing keeping her sane.

Honestly, a grandparent and aunt bitching about the in-law grandparents is a really depressing scenario. A DIL bitching about her MIL is one thing, but you two are bitching about people who are absolutely none of your business. And you're also hugely lacking in empathy for the in law grandparents' health and caring stresses.

And, if you were a parent, would you be fine with your extended family and ILs getting together to agree on criticising your parenting, and one of your ILs starting an internet post about why your parenting, leisure choices, and parents are wrong, and theirs is correct, and priding themselves on what a different child s/he is when with them? Not to mention criticising your mother for the heinous crime of having a job?

Take a good look at yourself.

And you’re dripping with nosy unpleasantness about someone else’s decisions about where they take their child in their leisure/holiday time.

Seriously? This is what you come back with?

Your issues are showing. Maybe take a turn around the Ashmolean. The Fox-Strangways room is lovely.

I didn't realise that you were expecting us to be psychic. We can only go on what you've posted, so I honestly don't know how you expect us to know whatever else is going on.

You know what, I'll send this thread to my SIL and see if she likes it, it'll cause WW3 but so what?

And her own DM can barely use her own mobile although I do think she uses a laptop. I'll send this to her too. She's an upper class old witch who's told my DB he doesn't have a good enough job for their darling daughter, he should've been a lawyer or banker rather than a creative type, they've told him countless times.

The whole of fucking MN criticises IL's on a day to day basis here. I don't know why some of you think you should be allowed to play god simply because you're picture perfect fucking parents who can do no wrong but if you're a childless relative of a child you can never criticise or never say anything wrong.

You can all fuck off. I think I'm done with this site, really I am.

What did I say to deserve that response? You literally said “what am I supposed to do?”

im saying rather than agreeing with him on a “it’s boring” statement, you encourage him to think positively. Jesus, snippy or what?

So the elderly woman, from the sounds of it disabled woman is working in a job she dislikes because the burden of care is too high on her, and your sister is maximising her KIT days to bring in an extra bit of cash. OH they're such awful humans (what's an eyeroll emoji on here?)

Stop spouting your mothers jealously online. It's pretty identifiable!

I have no issues thank you and am degree educated.

I take issue with smug marrieds with perfect kids putting the boot in to someone who dares to state an opinion other than the status quo.

Ever been over to the Childless (By Choice? I can't recall if that's the name of it) board here?

You would then realise that every bloody day one of us who doesn't have kids, for whatever reason, gets their arse handed to them here or they think because we don't have kids, we should never dare to express an opinion, or it should be nicely sanitised so as to fit in with everyone else here.

So his son is clearly bored in photos, tells people he's bored but his Dad thinks he enjoys it? Sounds like he needs a Dad who is more engaged and advocates for him better.

She isn't disabled.

If anyone wants to read my pp's they'll know where they live, I've never had qualms about that, though I don't state it much as they're private people. I don't wish to identify them though, why would I?

This is my worst nightmare! As the parent of a four year old, I don't take DD places not aimed at her age group (bar the supermarket and other chore like activities). It's not fun for her, me or the other visitors!
I also don't believe a four or five year old should 'learn to be bored'. I think that comes a bit later, when their understanding and tolerance has grown.
Who knows, maybe DD will turn out to be spoilt because I didn't drag her to adult appropriate locations and teach her about boredom at four, but right now I'm still willing to take that chance as I absolutely don't fancy a whole day of dragging her round a stately home and reminding her not to touch, not to run ahead, just to look etc

this kind of birching about your sister in law and her parents for daring to work and enjoy museums would have got the same response whether you had 24 kids or none. The issue isn't your childbearing status, no one is a parent until they are nothing magic happens on that day. you're as capable or not, opinionated or not, as the day before.

So even if you had kids, and were sitting here criticising an elderly woman who works to lessen her care burden of her disabled husband for not wanting to spend what respite she gets with her child at soft play and water parks, you'd get the same reply.

Look, I've had a think. Even though I posted in chat, I didn't expect to get criticised so much over this and it's touched some raw nerves with me.

This situation really isn't as bitchy as it sounds here, it's just normal boring talk you have with your family when you see/ring/text them. I mean FGS DM rings my DB every day and me every other day (I can't get away from that one!) and as an ex teacher and SENCO she sometimes feels she has the better parenting style than others. That's her views, not mine.

I am from the 70s when museums were boring beyond belief. Once I went to one where my stepdad worked (National Maritime Museum) and apart from one big cruise-liner model and the park and observatory and foot tunnel and market me and DB were both bored to tears.

I apologise for being rude to some of you and yes, I'll check myself and rethink my attitudes towards SIL/MIL who we actually all really get on well with each other. I am by nature critical and self critical so that doesn't help. Peace and love vipers.

not every adult place is boring though. my four year olds are DESPERATE to be taken to the Castle we didn't get chance to visit Easter. Its fairly broken down so there's less "don't wipe your nose on the antique embroidery Jack!" and more "no, you cannot jump down into the dungeon Annemarie" They all love the art gallery, because they aren't expected to be silent, can point out the animals and a favourite picture etc., not to mention increasingly they need families in so there's more and more to do. It's always worth a try if you can find a free place

Ok, you appear to have lost it. There are loads of non-parents here, and an entire childfree sub-board.

Respectfully, I didn't mention my DB's MIL's working status and my SIL's too until later on in the thread.

All I originally asked and it was meant to be light hearted was was it ok to drag a small child around a museum almost all day. That's all it was, nothing more nothing less. Like most of us, when we're criticised, we go on attack dog mode, which is what I've done. Mea culpa. What more am I supposed to do, self flagellate?

I am not surprised I've lost it with the attitude of some vipers here, who quite honestly would be best curled up in their nests, smugly rearing their heads to hiss at passers by (non vipers).

Doesn’t really matter what your opinion on it is or even your DMs opinion. It’s nothing to do with you what your DB and SIL do with their own child and your massively overstepping asking if it’s unfair (which you obviously think it is).

Look and this is probably going to be my final post on this...

We are both allowed to have our opinion and for me to say it's unfair here. MN is supposed to be a safe space, right? However, we would never say this out loud. No way would this be voiced out loud as it'd probably cause WW3. If SIL has read here about this (I doubt she would but you never know) then what can I say if she recognises herself?

Yes, it's totally up to DB and SIL what they do with their own child, if they chain him in a dungeon and feed him bread and water that's their choice, not mine, I've got this now, their kid, they're allowed to do whatever they want with him, forever and ever and ever, amen.

Most non parents here obey the rules and barely speak out of place. The ones that dare to voice an opinion, e.g. loud and badly behaved children in restaurants, kids being separated on flights from said parents even though you have to pay to allocate seats, they're soon shouted down by the proper parents. Come on, you know it.