DH ate all of DS Easter treats (semi-lighthearted)

[Mamma737363]

Ate his whole haul. From DS Easter egg hunt. While he was asleep.

He has form for this. A few years ago I posted that DH hadn't bothered to get a cake for my milestone birthday but he was happy to eat the rest of the chocolate cake (half a cake) my friends surprised me with, in one go while I was at work.

For context, DH is very sporty and always hungry. He also does all the baking at home. And he has bought Easter eggs for DS already for a home egg hunt.

DS noticed the treats were missing as soon as he got up and immediately identified that daddy ate it. Luckily he's not upset.

I'm still pretty mad though!

He was saving the chocolate rabbit from work for DS. He didn't consciously connect the two, but he thought a new big chocolate lindt rabbit is better than small old supermarket chocolate rabbit that he thought DS didn't want. He didn't realise that DS might have placed importance on his school haul, because he hadn't seen how delighted DS when I picked him up from school.

My constructive suggestion is that your DH replaces everything that he took, and swears a solemn promise never to do it again.

That makes him sound even worse than he did upthread, honestly.

Yes, what do you suggest we do about it now? We can't go back in time.

It's not up to him to decide that your son might not have placed importance on the school haul and therefore he can do without it. Even if your son hadn't been delighted by it, it belonged to your son, and he should be allowed to be secure that it won't be stolen by his father.

He made chocolate eggs for DS and gave him a chocolate rabbit. He could buy some haribo and marshmallows as a family we don't usually eat them so they would just be lying around forever. 🤷‍♀️

lol I know right

is that how it works in your house Op? Do you have to eat everything in one go or your husband can assumed you’re done with it and hoover it up all for himself? @Mamma737363

Yep, he agrees!

Is that your attitude to anything someone does wrong? "He's stolen your stuff, son, we can't go back in in time, nothing we can do about it". "Too bad that someone hit you son, still, we can't go back in time, nothing we can do about it, move on." There so obviously is something you can do about this, namely making your husband replace what he stole.

He was going to give him the rabbit anyway, wasn't he?

You said your son was delighted with the haribo and marshmallows. Why can't he have them replaced?

No DS is a picky eater and a grazer, so he normally has a plate of something out, and we have to really encourage him to eat - it's hard.

All I mean is that DH thought DS was done with that plate and he knew there was lots of chocolate to come. Obviously DS doesn't know that, but as I said, it was thoughtless and selfish, we all agree on that.

I don't really understand how Op thought people would respond to this thread. What the DH did was not nice, yet I think we were supposed to laugh it off? I wonder if this is part of a pattern of selfish behaviour on the part of DH. How often does OP feel obliged to end up defending/justifying his behaviour?

Yes we can replace them, but I don't think it'll feel the same as sweets he got at school. He already knows daddy ate them. We could buy some for the next hunt, but I think DS would prefer eggs, so it would just be a waste.

See above

You don't do anything about it.
Your husband apologises profusely to your son, says 'I was wrong to do that. It's not ok to take other people's food and I'm really sorry I hurt you, I was thoughtless'. Replaces everything.

You then, reiterate that you are really not pleased with how his father acted. Showing that it's not just a flippant 'oh well, just get over it' situation and that your child has the the right to feel hurt. Because he does.

And you make it clear (out of earshot of your child) that he ever behaves that selfishly again towards you or your son, he'll find his arse out on the pavement with all of his shit quicker than he can say 'I'm a greedy bastard'.

Having read the whole thread it's pointless making any suggestions. DH's behaviour gets defended and because he replaces stuff and is suitably contrite until the next time it's all good.

he tends to hoover up leftovers so they aren't wasted

So he treats his stomach as a dustbin, or has a binge eating disorder.

DH said very clearly to DS, "I was wrong and I won't do it again", and they spent time together making more chocolate eggs.

I'd also like to model to DS then when we make a stupid mistake, we can say sorry and forgive each other. Not that you should be punished and self-flagellate and that you are a terrible person.

The person who equated this to forgiving physical assault and abusive behaviour is really out of order. This is nowhere near that.

I see nothing 'lighthearted' about this

IMO it will cause your son to 'eat it all in case daddy gets to it first'. Take what you will from that.

He's an arsehole and I guarantee that your son IS upset but he's learned to play it down because Daddy's selfishness never ends and mummy downplays it.

Leftovers aren't 'waste,' either. They're leftovers from one meal and can be used for another. So he's ignoring that the OP might have been planning to have something leftover from dinner for her lunch and just eating it.

Sounds like he has zero regard for anything but his belly.

It’s so much worse now that you’ve said you have a kid who doesn’t really eat, and you have to give him plates of food and really try to make him eat.

He had a plate he made himself from stuff he got at school, was excited about it… and his dad ate it. When you’ve got a child who doesn’t eat…. You don’t take their bloody food! Jesus Christ.

Well hardly anyone is making constructive suggestions! They just keep piling on and saying how terrible it is. I agree!

I think that people are making constructive suggestions, everyone seems to be in accord (rare enough on Mumsnet) saying you're being too soft about what your DH has done. They are saying that you need to make DH understand how horrible it is what he has done (on more than one occasion). Maybe look at other things he does that you've brushed under the carpet. This is a selfish man.

DH made a replacement plate. And actually I think it's ok not to replace like for like, as I'd like DS to see that similar things can be equally enjoyable - DS seemed happy with it anyway.

DH has said all of the above.

DH and I have already had words and that what he did was unacceptable.

No, he has a sweet tooth but eats pretty healthily.

He ate half your birthday cake in one go.
He ate ALL the Easter eggs in one go.
he tends to hoover up leftovers so they aren't wasted.

^ If your husband isn't actually a selfish man then he himself has an eating disorder. Did his own father used to steal all the food when DH was growing up? Your DH needs to look at his own eating habits and figure out why he did the above as it's not normal. It really isn't.

You ask what should be done now. I think you should make it very plain to DH that this is the line he can no longer cross. If he truly cares for his son he won't want to wish the emotional and eating harm it does cause long term.

Happy Easter OP