DH ate all of DS Easter treats (semi-lighthearted)

[Mamma737363]

Ate his whole haul. From DS Easter egg hunt. While he was asleep.

He has form for this. A few years ago I posted that DH hadn't bothered to get a cake for my milestone birthday but he was happy to eat the rest of the chocolate cake (half a cake) my friends surprised me with, in one go while I was at work.

For context, DH is very sporty and always hungry. He also does all the baking at home. And he has bought Easter eggs for DS already for a home egg hunt.

DS noticed the treats were missing as soon as he got up and immediately identified that daddy ate it. Luckily he's not upset.

I'm still pretty mad though!

I'm not going to issue ultimatums over a stupid mistake.

A mistake is forgetting to turn the light off, or forgetting to leave money from the tooth fairy because you fell asleep.

It's not deliberately choosing to eat your child's chocolate.

this is so true. I grew up with a lot of older brothers, some would actually take food off my plate if they were done and wanted more. I used to eat with a protective arm around my plate because of this.

I'm middle aged and have had a weight problem all my life, live comfortably but still get an irrational worried feeling when the cabinet is low on basics due to the way my bothers would devour a weeks worth of groceries in 1-2 days then we'd all be left without for the week. Parents would buy more food but not as much and not as tasty, I don't blame my parents for it but they did allow them to be greedy. It was always excused as oh they're hungry growing boys but none of my friends brothers did this regularly. It was constant, for years they would eat everything in sight and were never told not to. Of course being a girl it was the opposite, if I overate I was a pig, going to be fat, why was I so greedy, never thinking of others etc.

When you excuse his greedy behavior you're telling your child he doesn't matter as much as his father does and you can be sure he will do the same shit to his family one day. Sorry to be dramatic but this really bothers me and has had a long negative effect on me, the greediness AND the blatant disrespect.

That's just what you do when you are a parent. Not sure why you are making it sound like something special?

We have make a lot of sacrifices to make accommodations so that DS has a normal existence - it's really not normal - our whole life is revolving around DS because he has high needs.

I'm just trying to make the point that the insinuation that DH puts himself first is ridiculous - we ALWAYS have to think about DS and his needs. That's why this stupid episode (and the cake one) was really upsetting for me - it's really out of character.

OP, I am slim, fit and very healthy. I run a LOT of miles a week, I am just at the lower limit of weight for my BMI to be healthy. I have an eating disorder. To look at me you would never know and I NEVER indulge it when people are around. However, if I am alone in the house with a little bit of something sweet (a cake, or a big bar of chocolate), I can eat the WHOLE THING without turning a hair.

I say this because I think your DH may have a problem. It really isn't normal to eat that much in one go, absent mindedly and without thinking of the repercussions - it's the kind of behaviour I might indulge in if I were really stressed and my eating had got particularly disordered. I wonder if it might be an idea to get him some kind of therapy?

Thanks so much for sharing and I'm so sorry for your struggles. I do think the cake was a one-off and I've only seen in DH and enjoyment for food, not disordered eating. But I appreciate what you're saying and I'll give some thought.

We have make a lot of sacrifices to make accommodations so that DS has a normal existence - it's really not normal - our whole life is revolving around DS because he has high needs.

OP, that is parenting. Nobody continues their 'normal existence' once they have a child, regardless of said child's needs. Everyone makes sacrifices. Everyone. You reasons may differ from mine, but you are just being a parent the same as I am.

I think people are overreacting slightly here. DH has apologised and tried to make up for his mistake. What more can be done, unless OP is going to drip feed that they actually own a Time Machine.

DS is unlikely to be traumatised for life and no point simmering over it and letting it spoil his entire Easter.

I'm just trying to counter the insinuation that DH isb generally selfish and putting himself before DS. It's not really possible, we have to put DS before everything. (So I don't really know why he blipped with the Easter treats. 🙄)

Poor kid. One parent steals all his treats and the other one doesn't seem to care.

I suspect ds is upset about it, but realises that neither parent cares nor will do anything so keeps it to himself.

The op seems more intent in defending her wonderful husband

its such a petty thing he did, but so utterly shitty. To eat their own child’s Easter stuff they were looking forward to and proud of. Who does that?

Send him around to mine, my DH still has his eggs from last year.

All decent parents put there kids first... all parents do not do this though.

You are tying yourself in knots to defend it but its not defendable behavior, you showing quite a few red flags yourself in the unwillingness to acknowledge that. You also seem insistent that this will not effect your DS but this kind of behavior DOES and its well known, stop putting a fully gown mans feelings above a child who cant advocate for themselves.

Literally everyone is saying how shitty this is, people from all different backgrounds, classes and cultures seemingly agreeing and rarely is EVERYONE else wrong while your magically right.

Personally I think it's very unattractive to it the food on someone else's plate.

''it'' = ''eat''

I didn't say everyone was wrong - I agreed! DH agreed! But then people start making things up about him so I'm not just going to say it's ok.

I support and advocate for DS, but I can't go back in time and I'm not going to issue ultimatums over a stupid mistake. Maybe you can give me some actual advice rather than throw insults around.

I haven't defended what he did. People asked for context and I gave it.

People have also been attacking me for not doing anything. But not actually offering any ideas about what else I should be doing.

Exactly.

Also @Mamma737363 my post to you was before you said your child had high needs.

My point still stands.

The 'advice' is to not put up with this, you are accepting, joking and normalizing it which isn't acceptable... it actually DOES requires an ultimatum to him because he has done this several time and will not change on his own.

You are not advocating for him, you are accepting of what happened to him and making excuses and minimizing it.

Just because you don't 'like' the advice given doesn't make it incorrect. There no other advice because time machines don't exist and even stopping it wouldn't have fixed the main issue.

Your burying your head in the sand and refusing to do anything.

Your can smash a plate then glue it together the next day but that does not make it fixed. Just a making random chocolate eggs isn't a fix for this. Especially not when it could happen again and again because you are REFUSING to deal with the person who is the issue in doing these things.

11 pages and no-one has mentioned the excess of chocolate for a child ???

School egg hunt, home egg hunt, egg hunt at grandparents, DH making his own Easter eggs??

I am being semi light hearted (and can assure you I'm a fat bastard) but it's a lot for a child isn't it? Doesn't give your DH an excuse to snaffle what isn't his of course but doesn't sound like your DC is going to go without.

** birthday cake situation was inexcusable though. Eating a special cake is very different from eating treats you can easily replace and / or already have spares of in the house.

You've repeatedly said this, it reminds me of a lass I knew once. She said as long as her bloke owned up and apologised for cheating on her, she forgave him for it. Repeatedly.

Hope you've got through to him. Sounds like a lock box or a hidey hole might be handy if he has poor impulse control.

I remember the day I'd saved my pocket money up and bought my grandad a Mars bar (why I didn't buy him a yorkie I don't know,he prefered yorkies)

I lived with him at the time,but for some reason I was at my parents house this time

My father was at work,I was in bed and my mother found where id hidden it and scoffed it

No sorry,no buying another one-nothing,just 'I ate it'

It's been laughed off over the years and again that if I had anything nice,it lived at grandads as my brothers couldn't be trusted not to destroy it (they where never told off for this-it was my fault for leaving whatever it was lying around-even if it was in my bedroom)

It never leaves you-knowing that something you treasured,isn't worth anything to anyone else and you didn't deserve it in the first place so it was taken away from you

We do share chocolate at home. We've asked DS if he would be ok to share with us and he said yes.

We'll reuse uneaten Easter eggs for different hunts. DH is doing a hunt with DS right now in the playground, hiding, finding and rehiding the same eggs.