DH ate all of DS Easter treats (semi-lighthearted)

[Mamma737363]

Ate his whole haul. From DS Easter egg hunt. While he was asleep.

He has form for this. A few years ago I posted that DH hadn't bothered to get a cake for my milestone birthday but he was happy to eat the rest of the chocolate cake (half a cake) my friends surprised me with, in one go while I was at work.

For context, DH is very sporty and always hungry. He also does all the baking at home. And he has bought Easter eggs for DS already for a home egg hunt.

DS noticed the treats were missing as soon as he got up and immediately identified that daddy ate it. Luckily he's not upset.

I'm still pretty mad though!

Its not WE , it's HIM. He has not learnt. HE needs to understand the ramifications of how he is hurting you and his son. HE needs to do better. A hell of a lot better. And if HE can't then that is when YOU protect ds by removing him.

He has form for this. A few years ago I posted that DH hadn't bothered to get a cake for my milestone birthday but he was happy to eat the rest of the chocolate cake (half a cake) my friends surprised me with, in one go while I was at work.

Doesn't really matter does it.its not going to undo his actions

Blimey OP, do you really need advice on what to do?

Assuming that you're not taking the mickey then - tell your husband that treats are not for him to just take, they're for sharing. Treats that specifically belong to other people are not to be touched. Not just replaced if told to, but actually - leave them alone.

You both are really are setting in motion some harmful behaviours and normalising them. Unintentional, I get that but think about what it's telling your son that he has no agency over his things. That what he's worked for (I know it's only an egg haul), has no value. That his father can overrule and take whatever he wants and his mother dismisses it.

Things that look small to an adult are not seen/interpreted the same way as by a child.

I don't mean to pile on and have a pop but your 'lighthearted' (even semi) is making light of something that really isn't.

When you have GC long in the future ,how do you think you DGC /DIL will feel if DS has copied his Dads example ? Pretty hacked off I should think .FFS hide them in a locakable box /your car or your Mums house .For reference he is not "hungry" or he would have egg on toast ,not chocolate treats !He is displaying bully boy tactics

A lot of posters are blaming me for enabling him, which is why I wrote WE.

What do you suggest we do? Not seeing any constructive suggestions here apart from he must never do this again which he has agreed to. I don't have a time machine and I can't predict the future. I can predict we as parents screw up, often, and badly. I think as long we learn from our mistakes and try to do better next time then we're doing the best we can.

@Mamma737363

how have you not got the ick op? @Mamma737363

greediness is such a turn off

Re the chocolate cake, it was 5 years ago. I was pretty upset at the time and the whole Easter thing brought me right back to it which is why I mentioned it. But there haven't been any incidents since unless you count DH hoovering up all our leftovers after meals.

Well yes I did majorly last night, and I was still cross this morning. But I've moved on because we've talked it out and right now DS is happy. 🤷‍♀️

How can a grown man not realise that this is selfish behaviour?

He isn’t just doing this as a lapse in judgement once. This seems like just who he is?

He didn’t bother getting you a cake for your birthday and then proceeded to eat the one your friends gave you when you were at work… he takes other people’s treats without asking and eats them without sharing. This isn’t a silly character quirk or a one off. He is showing you who he is at the fundamentals; selfish.

How do you feel about him doing this to you? Can you trust that on your next birthday, he’ll prioritise you and won’t just… take your stuff?

This is deeper than just snaffling some Easter treats. It’s showing your son that a man can behave like this and the “lesser” wife and children just smile and go along.

He needs a complete character shift. This behaviour needs to stop and he needs to model prioritising his family and sharing with them, so share the Easter treats when together, share the birthday cakes. Don’t take behind other’s backs.

Nail. On. Head.

And for those who think DS is going to feel that he is less important than DH, for reasons I'm not going into, he's our whole world. We make a lot of accommodations all day every day to make him feel safe and happy.

@Mamma737363

are you ok though op? You matter too! And I say lots of people would find your husbands eating habits a big turn off - it’s hard to fancy someone who goes on like that with food!

And then let his dad steal his food?

You need to nip this in the bud instead of making excuses

But we didn't just smile and keep going. I made my feelings clear and DH made an effort to make it up to DS, and DS is not showing any signs of minding anyway - maybe he actually feels secure in his importance to us and our love so that he can withstand a stupid mistake. 🤷‍♀️

How do you suggest I shift DH's character? Should he get therapy? Will the NHS pay for that?

This upset me too.

I was in asda this morning, and there were hardly any Easter eggs left, so he needs to get a move on if he wants to get anything more than a Cadbury creme egg (obviously might just have been the case in my local supermarket)

I thought I had. What additional advice do you suggest?

Is he not mature enough to accept this without therapy and actively shift his behaviour?

He's made some for DS, which DS is enjoying now.

I was in Tesco and there were cages full of them with staff trying to fit them on to shelves. The half back wall is literally full to bursting.

He said he shouldn't have done it and he wouldn't do it again. He agreed he needs to respect DS' stuff. What else do you suggest?

I'm actually hoping to get more discounted eggs after Easter so we can do another big Easter egg hunt with his grandparents.

That's good to hear. I hope you all have a lovely Easter x

Not just your son’s stuff. You too. Your stuff too. He does this to you; I doubt the birthday cake was the last time he took something of yours.

It’s just… one of the worst combined character traits. Selfishness and thoughtlessness and greed.

I hope he genuinely means it this time when he says he will change. Because men in their old age who are like this just get worse and worse. Good luck.

Christ. They are only Easter eggs. He’s not even upset. Maybe it’s fine for him to realise that they are not really that important, that families tend to share things and it’s ok because they can have the others ones he is being given today….