DH ate all of DS Easter treats (semi-lighthearted)

[Mamma737363]

Ate his whole haul. From DS Easter egg hunt. While he was asleep.

He has form for this. A few years ago I posted that DH hadn't bothered to get a cake for my milestone birthday but he was happy to eat the rest of the chocolate cake (half a cake) my friends surprised me with, in one go while I was at work.

For context, DH is very sporty and always hungry. He also does all the baking at home. And he has bought Easter eggs for DS already for a home egg hunt.

DS noticed the treats were missing as soon as he got up and immediately identified that daddy ate it. Luckily he's not upset.

I'm still pretty mad though!

We've already spoken and I said it was not acceptable and he had to make it up to DS.

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain Agree, leftovers for the fridge, fine. Immediate hoovering of said leftovers smacks of something else going on.

He treats his stomach as a dustbin. 🤷‍♀️ He doesn't gain weight though - I think he actually does need the calories. It'll probably change when middle age hits.

Why is it our job to make constructive suggestions? whatever you say you're clearly at some level OK with this because your DH has been doing this for at least five years (and you're still stewing about that).

I'd also like to model to DS then when we make a stupid mistake, we can say sorry and forgive each other. Not that you should be punished and self-flagellate and that you are a terrible person

Yeah, good. I'm all for that. Is he addressing his behaviour and or is this until next time? because if there's next time then all you're modelling is 'be contrite enough and you can carry on as you were as long as you apologise each time.' Which is what your DH appears to do. He ate your cake, but that's OK, he made you another one. He ate DS's easter chocs but that's OK, he's replaced them. How many times does he do this and apologise? because after the first couple I'd regard any apology and contrition as pretty meaningless and someone telling me what they think I want to hear.

I feel like eating disorder is a stretch. He eats reasonably healthily. I don't finish meals, DS doesn't either, so DH could take two servings of a meal or he can just polish off what's left of ours. He would normally have toast or a bowl of cereal late at night but he just ate the Easter plate in front of him.

The chocolate cake was very abnormal - it was maybe 4 slices worth I was aghast he ate it all in one day. He was a SAHP parent at the time so he a bit more time and opportunity. He loves his chocolate cakes but he's usually good for 1 slice.

It was just the two times I mentioned, I don't think he does this really... They feel worse because they are special occasions. He doesn't normally steal food.

@Mamma737363

how did your husband make chocolate eggs?

does he have his own egg mould or something?

How is that unusual? I have egg moulds. I have bloody frog moulds for making chocolate frogs when we watch Harry Potter. My mum always has egg moulds when I was growing up. I thought that was normal!

Well I'm asking for constructive suggestions because almost everyone is saying I have to do something about it. But apart from apologising (done) replacing (done - with similar items) and talking to DH (done - satisfied he is properly sorry and he won't do it again) everyone just wants to be critical without being helpful.

Yep we have egg moulds. DH bakes quite a bit.

@Mamma737363

that was so greedy
makes me feel a bit sick to think of it 🤢
did he not think you would want some of the cake? Does he think cos he’s sporty he deserves it more than you or something

He can fuck off and buy his own treats. He knows where the shop is, surely?

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain

Is he addressing his behaviour

What does this actually mean? Beyond agreeing he was wrong, telling DS he was wrong and saying it won't happen again? Please spell it out for me?

DH is cleaning the bathroom now after a busy morning at homewith DS. He probably is still feeling guilty.

I don't finish meals, DS doesn't either, so DH could take two servings of a meal or he can just polish off what's left of ours.

I was going to leave the thread but your comments are puzzling me. Why do you put too much food out for you and DS, to the point there's enough for DH to eat leftovers on a regular basis? If DH is consistently eating enough for two then he is not getting enough in the first place, it might be "healthy" but it's not filling.

I used the term eating disorder loosely as what he seems to be doing is not normal so he needs to look more closely at the why. Is it something from his own childhood?

Anyway, I'm out. But please remember this - your family dynamic around food is not normal. Most people ASK if they can eat something that is not theirs, including leftovers on a plate.

He couldn't explain it, only that he wasn't thinking. 🙄 But I think he's used to polishing off his own baking (over time, not in one go) because I don't eat big quantities of sweet things.

DH,s dad did this with DH’s savings from the schools bank saving scheme, he’d saved up all year for a James Bond model car, it fired rockets and everything. DH withdrew the money and his dad made him hand it over. He’s never forgotten it. His grandad found out and bought the car for DH and gave DH weekly pocket money to save up. He never told his dad.

I don't finish meals, DS doesn't either, so DH could take two servings of a meal or he can just polish off what's left of ours.

Neither of you have considered just having a portion size to suit?

For DS it's more about offering variety even though he won't eat it. He doesn't like vegetables, but I put them on his plate alongside food he likes, because I want to keep normalising it. There's always veg or bits DS doesn't like
left at the end. I think this is pretty normal.

I don't always finish my plate if I find I'm not as hungry as I thought I was during the meal. But this is more when we eat out and we get served big portions, DH has the appetite to eat it.

I'm pretty sure the dad who polishes off his family's bits and pieces is pretty normal! My dad did this too and he is in his 70s and is pretty healthy.

@Mamma737363

yeah I don’t get this either

why not just dish up smaller portions for you and your son if you’re consistently not finishing them? Then there wouldn’t be the leftover

Well you get it a bit wrong sometimes right? 😂 I stop eating when I'm full, I don't try to finish my plate!

See above for DS.

See above.

Your DH is a git 😞

I think he's done all he can today really but I'm still worried you thought this was "semi-lighthearted" and don't seem to realise the potential damage

I understand about potential damage. I remember stuff from my childhood that seemed minor to my parents but was important to me. It's sad when that we remember that stuff more than the good stuff, and what it does to form our personalities. I'm sorry there are so many people here with disordered eating because of their parents.

I don't want that for DS - he's already a picky eater so I'm doing everything I can to help him have as healthy relationships with food as possible so of course I'm going to try to make sure this kind of thing doesn't happen again.

I don't think DH is always this selfish. On balance DH is a kind and attentive dad who gives up a lot for DS. He knows he was wrong, and I'm not going to issue ultimatums over a stupid mistake.

That's not light hearted at all... stealing other people food is NOT acceptable.

Its not even stealing a little out of necessity (I have lived in homeless hostels and there been time people have had to steal a few slice of bread because they had nothing for day etc...) he is just a selfish greedy pig stealing others special treats.

I absoloutly could not live with someone like that and would not put up with it, stealing sweets from a child literally crosses a line (to the point its even a famous writers cliche to show how much of a villain a character is).