DH has just told me he's going on a lads weekend and won't be here for my birthday

[Yaddayadda89]

I'm really pissed off.
It's not a special birthday, I'll be 44
This year I'm going away with girlfriends for a week abroad. I'm working a second job to pay for this. The week away is not to celebrate (or even near date wise) my birthday.
AIBU to say DH can't go away ? I've said it's only fair he has time away too, seeing as I'm going away.
But on my birthday ?

Jokey not honey. I'm not that soft.

Just do the nice meal you fancied the weekend before or after instead? We celebrated my 40th last year 3 weeks adrift from the actual day as that's what suited best. On the day itself we didn't do anything special or different to any other day.

Given that he didn't have a say in the dates and presumably would miss out completely on the trip away with friends if he didn't go (while you still get yours) I think you're being unreasonable.

I could be totally wrong but this reads like a thread created to show MN as a group of controlling harpies for piss-taking on another forum ...

its not like he had any involvement in the original planning re dates so no he isn’t being unreasonable.
you’re being slightly ridiculous op!

Thankfully my DH thinks ALL birthdays are special not just milestone ones and would never ever not arrange something for my birthday. I feel the same too and always arrange something nice for his. Most birthdays we go away somewhere

It doesn’t matter.
DH was away with friends last Mothering Sunday- no biggie but he took the car so I couldn’t visit my mum and I was newly, really reeling bereaved.
However over the years we’ve celebrated my birthday handsomely; it’s just after Christmas so we’re usually away- New York, skiing, Marrakesh and Thailand. I rolled my eyes and remembered all the days I have been the priority.
Celebrate the weekend before or after and let it go @Yaddayadda89

We do make a little bit of a big deal of a birthday, even though we're in our late 40s. The birthday person gets meals cooked and tea brought to them all day. Neither of us would have an issue with doing that on a different day. I would be a bit nettled to be told rather than asked, though.

Just move it to the nearest weekend. Is it such a big deal?

I totally understand you're disappointed and I know my DH wouldn't do this to me, he'd chose to stay at home. On the other hand, I'm very lucky, in that if DH asked if I could go with them, I'd be able to - I get on very well with his two friendship groups and I know I'd be welcome.

You’d be asking to go on a lads weekend?😵‍💫

Whilst I’d be upset if he booked it without telling me, I’d want him to go away with his mates and have a great time- not feeling guilty about it. I’d get him to pay for a babysitter so I could go out with friends on my actual birthday and ask him to arrange a nice dinner/ maybe night away when he is back.

I don't see the issue. He leaves a card for you in the pile of birthday cards before he goes. You book a meal in the restaurant for the weekend before or the weekend after.

You sound like a child. Grow up ffs

Just go for a posh meal the week after. Imagine if everyone cancelled over every minor conflicting date, no group event would ever happen.

If he wasn't involved in selecting that date, you didn't have plans and it's not a significant birthday, I think you have to come to terms with this without been pissed off.

YABU…. just have a great celebration the next weekend. happily married 40 years because we don’t get upset about special dates, it’s the celebration that counts - not the day you actually have it on. That way everyone has a lovely time.Trust me when one or other of you is very old or dying it really won’t matter to you which day the two of you had a wonderful day to celebrate a birthday. Enjoy all the days, the ones your DH has gone off to be with his friends and the ones he spends with you because he loves you.

My last bday way a "big" one.

Husband was going to be off work.

He needed minor surgery.

Was offered a couple of dates.

Guess which he took?

So I spent the day looking after him!

Oh well!

I think you misunderstood… When I said we shower each other with love on special days, it DID NOT mean we do not behave lovingly on a daily basis! We are daily cuddlers and handholders and ‘I love you’-ers!! Thank you for letting me add that in though!!

I rarely celebrate my birthday on the actual day. I love going out for a nice meal for it, but it usually works out better if I do that a few days late or early. Book a nice dinner the weekend before or after, and treat yourself to your favourite takeaway and a movie that your partner wouldn't watch on the actual day

It's also called the marital home. So anyone who thinks like that can piss off.
You can't just decide to throw people put of their home.

😂😂😂😂😂 I’m sure they’d love that!

I think you are being unreasonable, especially as he didn't choose the date. Birthdays happen every year, just do it on a different date. My DD had her birthday celebration a whole month late as her dad was away. I've often delayed mine. Perhaps though you can tell him you're feeling a bit sad about it and ask him to make an effort on another day when you celebrate it.

I respect everyone is different and it's a bit shitty for the dates, BUT imo it's only a birthday, he's having time away and so are you.
Fwiw, we don't celebrate birthdays, anniversaries etc so my thinking is probably clouded but from years of reading MN nor do a lot of people on here.

I wouldn’t try to stop him but I would know more about his priorities - knowledge is power.