DH has just told me he's going on a lads weekend and won't be here for my birthday

[Yaddayadda89]

I'm really pissed off.
It's not a special birthday, I'll be 44
This year I'm going away with girlfriends for a week abroad. I'm working a second job to pay for this. The week away is not to celebrate (or even near date wise) my birthday.
AIBU to say DH can't go away ? I've said it's only fair he has time away too, seeing as I'm going away.
But on my birthday ?

I wouldn’t be happy about him going away on my birthday BUT if it’s the date the lads have planned I wouldn’t expect him to ask them to move it or miss out. As long as it’s not a regular thing I’d let it slide and celebrate the weekend before or after

Book a day at the spa...

I have a Christmassy birthday. I learned a long time ago not to expect a fuss on a birthday. You're just a bit of a nuisance in a mad time of year. Even I cba with it.

DH has a new year birthday. We ditched Xmas in favour of celebrating his birthday.

I wouldn't be overly upset, but then again, he would be apologetic, and I would tell him to just go and we can celebrate the weekend before or after. In our 50s I don't see it as big a deal now though of course expect to mark the occasion but when and how is superfluous imo. Xx

Grow up.

You have a relationship where you go abroad with your mates. He goes away with his mates.

You're obviously both happy going away with mates on your own.

But you're now having a hissy fit because the group plans now conflict with your birthday?

Have you noticed over the years whether it conflicts with anyone else's birthday, anniversary, death of a parent or child?

I would say get a life.

But for you and DH that life is going away with mates. And good on you. You sad, or maybe not sad, people.

I think he should have consulted you before accepting it.

Celebrate your birthday with him another day. Celebrate on the day with friends or whoever you want! You sound a little bit like a child

I wouldn’t mind personally

So basically you get to go away with friends, but he doesn't because he wasn't in on the planning and the friends have picked this date without knowing it's significance? If he'd planned it with them and not thought to say he couldn't do your birthday, that would be bad, but being annoyed with him when he has no control over the date shows you are very self centred. Most kids over 3 or 4 cope fine with their party or celebration not being on their actual birthday!

It seems pretty likely he did, since the OP asks whether she should tell him not to go and then follows up by saying she would never forbid him to go. Which, reading between the lines, means he asked her if she minded.

I’d go out for your birthday with him on a different day. It’s a group holiday so not like he did it deliberately?

I don’t see why you can’t go for a meal on a different date?

He can’t help the date the group chose and shouldn’t have to miss out or put up with a childish response.

Well you know what to do on his Birthday 😂

It's not a big Birthday so no harm him not being there on the day. Just extend the celebrations & enjoy another day together when he's back. Hopefully he might spoilt you a bit extra to make it up to you.

You’re 44 ? Feels a bit spoilt at your age ..You could stamp your foot maybe that would help ? Seriously just let him treat you on another day ..

Accusing people of 'foot-stamping' for daring to want one day in the year in which they are allowed to feel special is ridiculous. Jeez, if the bar goes any lower it'll be underground.

I just feel that celebrating on a different day wouldn't be the same

@Yaddayadda89 I'm sorry but this is ridiculous. Even little kids postpone birthday celebrations. If it was a group trip it probably was very difficult to pin down a date. Would you be OK if your friends didn't come on your trip because they had a husband's unimportant birthday? My Dh has been away for my birthday in the past but we celebrated a day or two earlier. As it happens this year I'll be leaving for his birthday as I have tickets to a concert in another city and it means a lot to me to go. I apologised to Dh and we said we'd mark the date when I got back. No big deal.

Honestly I think he should have asked/checked first with you OP before confirming with his friends. Just to be "told" is the bang out of order part.

Where does it say she was TOLD ? Maybe he did ASK.

The title of thread is "DH just old me he was going on a lads holiday on my birthday"

You can call it bad planning but you know what it's like trying to organise when everyone can go there's always a reason why loads can't go. You should just say you were looking forward to doing something together and ask him do something extra special closer to your birthday to make up for it but to tell him he can't go is way out of bounds! You're a big girl, go for a drink with your friends and or family and eat cake 😁🎂 🍻 make him pay for it later 😂😂😂