DH has just told me he's going on a lads weekend and won't be here for my birthday

[Yaddayadda89]

I'm really pissed off.
It's not a special birthday, I'll be 44
This year I'm going away with girlfriends for a week abroad. I'm working a second job to pay for this. The week away is not to celebrate (or even near date wise) my birthday.
AIBU to say DH can't go away ? I've said it's only fair he has time away too, seeing as I'm going away.
But on my birthday ?

Of course they can organise it themselves, they organise everything else! And that’s the whole point, one day a year someone does it all for once.

why do they do that though? I don’t and never have.

I think if you only get one day off a year from being the family dogsbody then you've got bigger issues than your husband going on a lads holiday.

Umm I didn’t say that but it is a GUARANTEED day off! Unlike other days with babies and young children. I guess you haven’t had babies and can’t understand the sleep deprivation 🙄

I think mothers (and fathers, and women and men in general) should aim to have relationships where they feel appreciated 365 days a year.

If you don't feel appreciated all year round, your partner pulling out the stops for one day only isn't really meaningful, it's a sticking plaster on a deeper problem.

If you do feel appreciated all year round then of course it's still nice to be treated on your birthday (or the Hallmark holidays) but it's not a litmus test of how much your partner cares about you, because you already know he does, and you're treated all the time. And then that means you have some perspective and it doesn't matter if you celebrate on a more convenient day, or even not at all.

(And of course if your partner does treat you all year round, then if you still demand special treatment on your birthday and throw a hissy fit if you don't get it... you're the problem.)

And back in the real world 😂😂

Ha. My baby was born 2 days before my birthday…….

Selfish little swine. Completely overshadowing your birthday 😝

She was 2 weeks late. Had to be evicted. Was determined not to be in hospital on my birthday.

On the upside, I so rarely remember my birthday now that I haven’t aged since!

I have just told my dh that he has to give me ‘appreciation’ and birthday level attention every day not just on my birthday, and I should be expecting him to do this sandwiched between his 70 hour working week plus commute to take the pressure off on my birthday 😂 I must say he looked thrilled at the prospect 😵‍💫🤣

Every day is a birthday 🎁

Nailed it. It’s the same with Mother’s Day on Mumsnet ‘you shouldn’t care because a good man treats you well and thanks you and looks after you all the time.’ Such a load of bollocks. Big hairy bollocks. My good man is gone for work by 6am and weekends we go to kids sports in the mornings so breakfast in bed once a year is not too much to ask.

That’s it, it’s called real life! Breakfast in bed and flowers every day is a nice thought but a touch unrealistic for most families I imagine! Our alarm goes off at 5.05am. I can set it at 4.25am so dh has time to load up my breakfast tray!! 😂😂

Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and birthdays are wonderful opportunities throughout the year to show love and appreciation in a way that isn’t feasible every day.

Before dc a birthday to me was an excuse for extra parties 💃🏼 now the priority is extra sleep!! It’s not much to ask for is it!

Again, you’re arguing with a straw man. Nobody is suggesting just sacking the birthday; they’re suggesting moving the celebration to a mutually convenient date.

Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and birthdays are wonderful opportunities throughout the year to show love and appreciation in a way that isn’t feasible every day.
Of course they are. Most people recognise those days in some way that suits their family.

It would be really unattractive to me if a man sulked because I booked him a lovely birthday meal out but because it wasn't on the exact day he didn't feel special enough. I'd be running from red flags if his response to not being spoiled in the way he demands was met with manipulative lines about now I know where you priorities are... You obviously don't care that much if you don't want to give me one special day.

From this thread, it seems there's a lot of people who wouldn't have a problem with that behaviour, but it wouldn't be for me.

You can have a lie in the week after... it's not like the birthday police are watching.

You don't have to have breakfast in bed or flowers every day (although actually my dad made my mother breakfast in bed every day - even when we were young) but you can show love and appreciation every day. When the dog barks to go out during the night or way early in the morning, we each try to be the one to let him out so the other stays in bed - it evens out but it feels nice that someone would say "stay where you are, I'll go" Dh often brings me a cup of tea in bed if he is leaving earlier than me. I make him coffee in bed on a Saturday morning if I am up first. I'd rather a lifetime of daily stuff like making a cup of tea, saying "let's watch what you want" or "I'll take the dog out" than big gestures on holidays and nothing in between. We do celebrate birthdays/fathers day/mothers day etc. but it is the daily stuff that really makes life nice.

OP, you are 44 not 4. My advice would be for your partner to go away and you can celebrate when he gets back. Just postpone your birthday a few days. What on earth does it matter?

It’s only a day and it’s not a special birthday. I’ve had footy tournaments for the entirety of the day before now and seen nobody on the day itself over the years, same with Mother’s Day etc. Celebrate the previous weekend or a few days after. He’ll not want to miss a break away for a ruddy meal out or take out and movie, I wouldn’t and I wouldn’t want DH underfoot moaning about what he could have had either. Birthdays for us adults aren’t a big deal, just celebrate another day and stop being so precious.

Oh for goodness sake. These people are adults.

wouldn’t bother me in the slightest! You’ ve said yourself he had no input in dates so it is what it is.
celebrate another day if you need to celebrate your birthday ☺️

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. Celebrate with DH on whatever closest date is convenient and on your b’day brunch or lunch with friends or invite a few over if you can’t go out. Alternatively, pop kids in bed or if they are older tell them whatever room is off limits for the night, face mask, chocolates, wine and a movie - perfect nights peace and self care

My dad used to go away to play golf every year with the boys - many times on my mums birthday. They were very happily married.

I usually book a day off work, while DC is at nursery and DH is at work, near my birthday as a present to myself to do whatever I want to do. It's usually something quiet, because we never stop. Do something for yourself and go to the posh restaurant the following weekend.

This year I had a sinus infection and my birthday meal was over a month later as we couldn't get booked in where I wanted to go any sooner having had to cancel the weekend around my birthday last minute.

It's a date on a calendar. Doesn't have to be that day to be special. Don't put pressure on one particular day being perfect. Enjoy them all.

How many people realistically get to have a long lie on their birthday?

People still go to work, kids still need to get to school, nursery or wherever.

Mothers Day and Fathers Day are verging on a commercial faff and a load of stress. As a mum with kids at home you might get an hour to chill then it's faff getting to your mums, and then the MILs trying to make both of them feel special.

Yeah my birthday can’t be booked off- in education!