DH has just told me he's going on a lads weekend and won't be here for my birthday

[Yaddayadda89]

I'm really pissed off.
It's not a special birthday, I'll be 44
This year I'm going away with girlfriends for a week abroad. I'm working a second job to pay for this. The week away is not to celebrate (or even near date wise) my birthday.
AIBU to say DH can't go away ? I've said it's only fair he has time away too, seeing as I'm going away.
But on my birthday ?

How many celebrations do you have each year?

My opinion wouldn’t change if it was our wedding anniversary. Some years we celebrate, some we don’t, it depends what we have on and what day of the week our anniversary falls on.

Life is too busy to have sacred days.

No! You cannot tell your DH he cannot go away. That’s kind of controlling. If you’re having a holiday away, then why can’t he. Ok, it’s on your birthday but talk it though and come to some sort of ‘compromise’ and have your birthday celebrations the day before or when he’s back home. It’s not a special Birthday and you’ve plenty of time to organise something together surely. Stop trying to run his life, maybe there are a number of reasons why the group couldn’t go away another weekend! I can’t be doing with that ‘telling one another they can’t do something’ in relationships, it’s not healthy. I’m sure you wouldn’t like it.

Crazy how different people are. This is insane to me. I wouldn’t be with a man who went away on my birthday 💀

Crazy is right. And it would be insane to me to expect my partner to miss out on a weekend with his friends for my birthday - unless it was a big birthday. I'd be happy to celebrate it a few days either side.

I could easily amuse myself for a weekend while my DH was away (birthday or not). Are people really this dependent on their partners? Doesn't seem healthy to me.

OP, don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

book the dinner for a different date and little treat for yourself beforehand.

Oh crikey, I wouldn’t! All hell would break loose 😂

IMO a birthday is just another day...even when it's viewed as a milestone one. Plus a handbag/jewellery/new wardrobe/Spa break won't go off if purchased/used on the wrong day 😉

YABU, sorry. I'm in Camp 3 as mentioned by pp.

I have the same this year, TBF my DH asked if it was OK, but since it was a work visit with a bit of sight seeing on the side in the far east there was no way I would expect him to be home for it. He could have refused but why would I deny him the chance to go away?

My meal is actually booked at the posh restaurant for the Sunday before my birthday and since my birthday falls mid week anyway, it would have been just another day.

In the nicest possible way, let it go.

get in with OH just fine do loads together thank you

and yes I’ve personally come across grown adults behaving like kids because they couldn’t have the day of work ( which they only ask for the week before even though they’ve had a years notice) because it was there birthday

calling celebrating your birthday on your own sad. Well that a personal thing

the chance to have a full day pleasing yourself doing what you want when you want Isn’t my idea of sad

I think it's outrageous you would even think about crashing your DH and his friends weekend away. They would not be happy for you to join, they'd tolerate you and most likely think you're very controlling.

100% this! You’re being childish OP.

Personally I'd have the nice meal on a different day, and arrange something with a friend for that day. But I'd expect him to still make the effort, if this is indicative of him not caring about my birthday at all then I'd be annoyed.

This wouldn’t bother me even if it was a ‘big’ birthday. I don’t really get the obsession over birthdays after the age of 18. It’s a bit bizarre to me…

If it’s something that really bother you OP then you need to discuss your feelings with your husband. Maybe organise something else for yourself that weekend and have your birthday celebrations on an alternative weekend?

I wouldn't care personally.

Same here, we're not fussed with birthdays though, just might go out for a meal

I would not care at all about DH being away for my birthday, would have more of a problem with a DC birthday. BUT if he know you care, he should ask his friends to move the weekend.

Stop being so bloody dramatic. Nobody is suggesting she cancels her birthday. Nobody. The attention seeking posts on here are so tedious.

Wouldn't bother me at all. Certainly wouldn't flip out at a group of people landing on the most convenient date for all of them to go away. CAn't you go for a nice day out the weekend before/after?

Not really, no. They are both external claims on your time. You yourself always take the day off on birthdays so I have no idea why you’re judgmental about one more than the other.

It is extremely unusual in my family, friends circle to take a day off work for an adults birthday. Maybe for a big birthday they would, but not anything else. Children go to school on their birthdays for goodness sake.

Storing this up for the next 'only on Mumsnet' thread.
That you are unreasonable / a child if you think that your birthday is important and should be celebrated.

Imagine how hard it would be to plan a weekend a way if no one in the group can be away on their partners birthday along with their anniversary, their children's birthdays, their parents big birthdays/wedding anniversary's, friends or family's weddings, the Easter weekend...... How could anyone ever get away with friends, its impossible

I haven't seen one post where someone has said birthdays should not be celebrated. They have said they don't mind celebrating on another day. Or receiving a card and nice gift and a bit of cake is enough.