DH has just told me he's going on a lads weekend and won't be here for my birthday

[Yaddayadda89]

I'm really pissed off.
It's not a special birthday, I'll be 44
This year I'm going away with girlfriends for a week abroad. I'm working a second job to pay for this. The week away is not to celebrate (or even near date wise) my birthday.
AIBU to say DH can't go away ? I've said it's only fair he has time away too, seeing as I'm going away.
But on my birthday ?

Totally this! Just do something different and celebrate with him before he goes.

Wouldn't bother me, but I'm not bothered about birthdays. it's completely ok for it to bother the OP, unless they never normally do anything special on the birthday day itself (not talking about time away, but even if it's usual to go out for a fancy meal, or similar), in which case I think it is a bit unreasonable to expect him to know that you really wanted something on this specific day.

Maybe have a chat with him if this means a lot to you, and see if the lads weekend can be shifted?

You're 44, not 4 - I am sure you can think of something to do on your birthday without DH.

But that's not what the thread is saying is it? It's saying YES celebrate your birthday, just on a different day so that DH can go away on his break. The world doesn't revolve around a persons birthday.

@Yaddayadda89 From your posts, it sounds like you put a lot of significance on your actual birthday date. I would ask yourself why? BTW not trying to dismiss your feelings, perhaps when you come to an answer you can tell your DH as to why it has pissed you off.

For me, on a non-important birthday, I really wouldn't be bothered.

I am assuming your DH doesn't do this often so I would be happy for him to go.

Exactly. I've always celebrated my birthday, be it on the day or whenever, because I'm thankful that I made it through another year.

Did I say anything about cancelling her birthday?
I believe you wanted to quote someone else, dear
😂

I am skeptical that as many would be as blasé in the OP's shoes as they make out.

Presumably she has other family or friends and her whole life doesn’t revolve around dh.

posh restaurant she wants to go to they can go to on any day.
if her birthday was on a weekday would her and DH take the day off work just because it’s her birthday? Her DH being away is disappointing yes and unfortunate but this petulant reaction from op seems childish

Oh, I know. As adults, we aren't allowed to make fuss of ourselves or have a bit of simple joy
Here to serve and die
Screw 🪛 that

So by saying this, did you actually mean something else?

How very edgy of you. 🙄

what did you have planned instead OP? Because HIBU to miss them and go on this holiday

If you had nothing planned, and werent likely too, yet still want him there just because

YABU

I can't bear people who plan nothing for their birthday but then get self pitying because everyone elses life hasnt stopped on the off chance

I'd be hurt. I don't know why you're getting a hard time for it. But we always keep our households birthdays clear because we care about each other and like to make eachother feel special and wanted and appreciated.

Be as sceptical as you like, but I'm totally not bothered about birthdays - don't go out to celebrate, the most I might do it get some chocolates/nice dessert (and to be honest I'd just use it as an excuse for eating more chocolate). A couple of years ago my partner forgot my birthday completely. He was mortified, but I just laughed about it.

If it is a group's trip out, and your birthday (not a very 'special' bd)- happens to be on that date- so what? Celebrate the weekend after, or the weekend before. Honestly, why so much fuss.

Haha brilliant. Yes people who aren't fussed about making a big deal of their birthdays don't care about their partners. Can you only make a partner feel special, wanted and appreciated on their actual birthdays?

I think I would rather my partner had their chance to go away and I had mine rather than stop an entire holiday over a birthday.

Syncing up large groups of people to go away together is always hard to get dates.

Do you let your children take the day off from school on their birthdays as well?

Stop being so dramatic!

He didn't arrange the weekend away to spite you, as he didn't arrange it at all! and as far as he's concerned there are no plans for your birthday that he's going back on because you haven't made any yet. It's not ideal but if it's a group of people and it's been arranged to suit multiple schedules, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all, he'd get a bit of gentle ribbing but nothing like threatening to cancel my birthday because he can't be there, that's ridiculously self involved, just celebrate another day.. people do it all the time when they are working etc.

It’s not reasonable for the lads to take into account every wife’s birthday, it’ll be impossible to find dates for the trip.

He should go. He’s with you 51 out of 52 weeks a year. You can do something for your birthday when he gets back.

YABU
Come on you’re 44!!!

We do usually celebrate birthdays but there have been many times one or other of us has been away for work or whatever for our or our children's birthdays. You just celebrate on a different day and do something nice for yourself on the actual day. I can't imagine getting pissed off about this tbh.

I would probably prefer to go out for a meal when I didn't have work the next day, regardless of what day was my birthday. So would like presents and cards on the actual day and spread out the celebrations. If DH is only away for a couple of nights I would have presents a day early/late. I definitely wouldn't be giving up on my birthday altogether!

No, I meant exactly what I said. However, I'm sick of mostly adult females having to decide to put themselves last and suck up the way they feel, in order not to start being tutted by some people.
Btw, I'm not one of these.

Do you normally do special things on each other's birthdays? Has he realised it's your birthday?