Things you simply cannot be arsed with anymore

[TheEverlovingFork]

Now I'm in my 40s there's so much I simply can't be arsed with and I don't know if this is normal -I am hitting meno a bit early for medical reasons as confirmed by my doc. Here are a few things I recently threw in the fuck-it bucket:

Fiddly care instructions on clothes: like 'Can only be dry cleaned on a tuesday in the rain by a man whose name begins with S' who has the FUCKING TIME if it isn't easycare it's basically out of my life at this point.

Guilt guilt and more guilt about whatever standard for women I'm failing to hit this week. This is my face/body/newly grey hair piss off.

Over-fawning socialised bs at work or what I call the F-email, you know, where you have to put friendly little exclamation marks and non-confrontational jollity on every damn thing because women can't be to-the-point and factual without being hag bitches. No problem if not!

Most men and whatever they're doing. Do it somewhere over there and be quieter while you're doing it thanks.

Pandering to everyone's different hurt political feelings, I am an adult and can respectfully disagree on an issue. I understand how incredibly emotive a lot of what's going on in the world is, but I no longer have time for 'your opinion upsets me and that makes you a bad human being, actually'

Anyway - gosh yes reading that back I can see why they're talking about HRT 😳

Is this normal for meno? Did you hit 40 and throw half your life in the fuck-it-bucket?

Same

As I move through my forties I’m getting more and more like this! It’s amazing.

Saying no to functions/events/get together I don’t want to do. CBA to do faux chit chat so stick with people I really, genuinely like.

Less fawning round DH and DC (both grown up). I used to run round doing it all and they helped a bit. I’ll Loz around on the sofa with a brew and a book more now.

Much more confident in work now, will make my point when needed and shut up when not!

There was a brilliant section on Women’s Hour this week about women’s emotional labour. Emma Barnett said she gets paid a lot to entertain people if she is with others and herself asks questions and keeps the conversation going and they don’t respond or act accordingly she will mirror them and just stop bothering. Totally with her on that. My FIL is pretty mute and I end up being “the entertainment” to keep the conversation flowing. Not anymore.

This is hilarious 🤣

Sex
Ironing
Bras
Work

Gardening.
I got so fed up of dragging the lawnmower out or pulling weeds up that I had the whole lot paved and gravelled.

For me it’s family. Or rather feeling obligated to people because they are family. Once I realised I didn’t need to bother I was so free.

Make up.
Clothes that aren't comfortable, ditto shoes.
Caring what other people think.

I'm increasingly noticing bullshit in more and more places and taking less and less notice of people who think they are important.

However, I also cannot play patience or Rummy without making some hilarious error, so I think there is a definite possibility that I am wrong about at least some quite important things. I do not know which.

Unfortunately I think this continues well after menopause too.

Agree with the family thing. I've let all contact go with my Dad's family since he died and I'm not in contact with my sister. Should have done it years ago, miserable bunch of fuckers.

I found turning 50 was a real milestone for me, and I finally found my voice. DH is the sort that will turn up to the opening of an envelope (especially if there is food involved) and I put a firm foot down and told him he was going alone from now on. I have no interest in fake conversation anymore. I think he was too scared to argue

You’re all brilliant! I’m a long way past 40 and the list of things about which I give a toss is strictly limited. It’s very peaceful as well as very liberating. Other people’s opinions about me are now irrelevant unless that person happens to be my nearest and dearest or exceptionally trustworthy. I’ve made friends with all aspects of myself - finally. I love DH but otherwise have zero romantic interest in men, their thoughts or their opinions of women. And no, I also didn’t live through misogyny, menstruation and menopause to buy into the notion that being female is just a state of mind.

I stopped ironing about 15 years ago. Lent the iron to next door and told them they could keep it. The world has not ended.
Cleaning windows.

Oh yes absolutely but I don’t think it’s necessarily the menopause hormones as in my 40s but pregnant again, so much as I might have been swilling with perimenopause hormones when started feeling like that I assume the pregnancy hormones are dominating at the moment and I still feel like that! It’s more just growing older/life experience I think, you figure out some things aren’t as big as deal as they were made out to be or worth stressing over. Some things I’m at a life stage I don’t have to worry about so much so I suppose priorities naturally change. That said I do strongly believe in the influence of hormones on the state of mind, I’ve noticed some very specific states of mind through the menstrual cycle, on the pill, postnatally and now that pregnant so I can well believe some of the symptoms people describe e.g. anxiety during the menopause are down to hormones

Contact lenses. Haven't bothered with them for about 10 years.

Uncomfortable shoes

Making complicated meals that take ages. Maybe when I'm retired. Ditto baking.

Men

Engaging with people I know I won't get on with or whose views I find objectionable.

I’ve found my tribe.

I honestly believe MI5 should use post menopausal women as we are:

a) invisible. I’ve heard the most indiscreet conversations whilst sitting pretending to read with a coffee.
b) fearless. I will honestly take anyone on now if they come for me or mine.
c) incisive. My bullshit radar is off the charts and I can see insecurities writ large.
d) not arsed. You can give me feedback if you want. I’ll mainly ignore you - see, very James Bond.

😂👊💪

Ironing. Stopped in lockdown and not really bothered since. Amazing how little difference it makes!

Brilliant thread. Im joining to.

The fawning, the small talk, the networking - no thanks.

The baking, the show home tidiness. As above.

This thread has inspired me to decline a family invite as I just wont enjoy it. Sofa, tea and book is a much better option.

I cared so much about my job for years… got a new manager who put us through consultation / restructuring (which I understood needed to happen) and treated me like shit. I secured a job but now I work 9-5, take lunch and do my job well, take the money each month but do nothing above and beyond like I used to.

Make-up. Put on a tiny bit the other day. Thought I looked nice. Saw a photo of myself. It made zero difference. Yet, anything more than a touch of the stuff, and I look like Aunt Sally. Waste of time!

I'm too old to be set objectives at work
High heels
Small pants
Man made fabrics
Ironing

Heels. Bit sad 'cos I loved a 5" stiletto in my 30's.
Make up. Just looks clownish now.

I'm 43 and wondering the same actually now you mention it. I've decided life is too short for a lot of the housework. Just stopped inviting people over and to be honest that's actually worked out well. I've stopped drinking and smoking as I never go out anywhere and felt like a bit of an aging rocker smoking with the kids outside pubs anyway.

I've given up cooking for myself other than stuff I can do in 5 or 10 minutes. Anything with minimal washing up and don't give a stuff if it's healthy. Don't bother changing out of my dog walking clothes most days or bother doing hair or makeup, no one sees me and if they do I don't want to attract them!

Also irrationally angry at most men - it's always them driving like dicks, pushing in, being rude, aggressive in town and wasting everyone's time with talking about cars and football/anything inanimate with no feelings.

Yeah, maybe I'm peri or something but I actually just don't give a shit about much these days.