Things you simply cannot be arsed with anymore

[TheEverlovingFork]

Now I'm in my 40s there's so much I simply can't be arsed with and I don't know if this is normal -I am hitting meno a bit early for medical reasons as confirmed by my doc. Here are a few things I recently threw in the fuck-it bucket:

Fiddly care instructions on clothes: like 'Can only be dry cleaned on a tuesday in the rain by a man whose name begins with S' who has the FUCKING TIME if it isn't easycare it's basically out of my life at this point.

Guilt guilt and more guilt about whatever standard for women I'm failing to hit this week. This is my face/body/newly grey hair piss off.

Over-fawning socialised bs at work or what I call the F-email, you know, where you have to put friendly little exclamation marks and non-confrontational jollity on every damn thing because women can't be to-the-point and factual without being hag bitches. No problem if not!

Most men and whatever they're doing. Do it somewhere over there and be quieter while you're doing it thanks.

Pandering to everyone's different hurt political feelings, I am an adult and can respectfully disagree on an issue. I understand how incredibly emotive a lot of what's going on in the world is, but I no longer have time for 'your opinion upsets me and that makes you a bad human being, actually'

Anyway - gosh yes reading that back I can see why they're talking about HRT 😳

Is this normal for meno? Did you hit 40 and throw half your life in the fuck-it-bucket?

I no longer care about people not liking me if I am the one to speak up. I care very much about ethics and I am not talking about being nasty to people (I am not turning into Miriam Margolyes) but if someone takes something the wrong way when I have clearly meant it constructively that’s their problem.

I've backed out of a few threads lately when it's been clear that people want to start a fight over a comment and 'what you meant by it.' I've no control over how people decide 'what I meant by it,' or the poster who started a reply with 'so you think' and couldn't see the idiocy of that addressed to a total stranger on the internet.

Not engaging. And not apologising for not engaging, either.

Climbing the corporate ladder.
Making food for myself when I wfh. individual items straight from fridge to face will do.
Making my kids read everyday / signing the fucking reading record.
My hair. Lockdown bun is back to stay.

@EmmaEmerald This is great 😀

In laws. DH can see them as much or little as he chooses but no effort comes from me now. That goes for his parents and sibling. I could write pages and pages about them all, but essentially having less of them in my life is a huge relief. I'm often out when they come round these days. They know how to contact the kids but choose not to.
I often don't brush my hair either.

Making excuses.

Most things nowadays.Im nearly 44.
My tolerance is very low atm

Building my personal brand at work. I do my job and do it well, so why does it matter how I’m known/what image I have. I blame it all on social media.

The compulsory "aren't we having fun" selfies when you're with friends or at a hobby. Nope. I control who sees my ugly mug on social media, not anyone else.

Oh my god I LOVE it!!

I’m no longer remotely interested in men. My interest in them switched off like a light switch when I turned 40 at the end of last year.

Easy meals. If it’s not easy we don’t eat it.

Going out. During Covid I worked my arse off and I wasn’t at home much. Over the last year or so my desire to leave the house if I don’t have to is very very strong.

Driving. I’ve been driving for 23 years this year. I still love the independence of it, but I really hate having to drive anywhere these days. So many idiots on the road and my patience is very very thin.

Shopping. No interested in it at all anymore. Food shopping combined with the COL is tedious.

Sex. I just can’t be bothered anymore. It just seems ridiculous.

Oh my god. I’ve found my thread. 🎉

Okay, so here’s what I cannot be ar*ed with anymore:

1. Family members who play snarky power games with me. Into the bin with that.
2. People who expect me to be able to read their minds. Just tell me what’s going on/what you want in plain English, FFS.
3. What people think about me. I genuinely don’t care anymore. Genuinely.
4. Vaguebooking. Lame.
5. Smalltalk. Just hit me in the head with a shovel, please.
6. Weaponised incompetence. 😐

This is the tip of the iceberg. I’ll probably think of a few more things later.

Nights out. All the effort in getting ready, faffing about dropping the kids to the babysitter, to end up in the same pub (not always the exact same one, but they all look the same now) to have the same conversations and then either being badgered to go on somewhere else or giving into said badgering and spending 20 minutes in a queue to get into some dive bar with loud music and overpriced drinks.

Also people saying “I’m fine” when they’re not. Not people genuinely struggling, but the ones that want twenty rounds of “what’s wrong?” for attention. If you say you’re fine, I’m taking you at your word.

Oh, so many of these…

Family members who take and never give.

Family members who are possibly unhinged and in deep denial about it, therefore perpetuating the cycle and never seizing the chance to change their life and that of those around them. Don’t be surprised if we don’t see much of each other from here on out.

Holidays. Someone else can organise. Or not, and we don’t go. I am not doing it anymore.

Ridiculous loos in trendy restaurants. Packed with people taking pics for their socials. No.

Things done badly. Poor service, faulty products, badly served drinks, mediocre food, incompetence in all of its forms. No.

Mindless, dull conversation. No.

Noisy attention-seeking. Whether colleagues at work or performative parents in the swimming pool changing room, give it a rest.

Playground behaviour from adults old enough to know better. No.

Work nonsense. In all its myriad forms. No.

Hosting generally. After decades of hosting generously and regularly, I am done. Deal with it.

Periods. I am done. Now just waiting for my body to catch up.

And breathe…

ExH. There's always something.

DH's many, many, many work crises and his ranty dialogue about them ad nauseum. I've finally realised that he likely has ADHD, there's lots of other indicators, and craves that dopamine hit that solving all the problems provides. When he starts ranting I just nod and smile, nod and smile.

Lots of what others have already said, plus:
Silly women who must spend all their money/husband's money/credit card on the latest collection, dressing up to pose on sites like Fairfax & Favour etc constantly seeking compliments about how beautiful they look and reply with "ahh thanks". Don't these women have a life?

Older, fat narcissistic men who think they are Gods gift to women.
Most men are just too much work nowadays, at any age.

People who insist that you remove your footwear when entering their homes, only to keep their shoes on in my house.

Having to introduce yourself on Teams calls, who cares who you are or hearing "something interesting about you" just get lost!

Wine bottles that have a leak 😂🤣

This recent birthday card is channelling the vibes of this thread! 🤣

I agree with you all on everything! Life is so much more liberating when you don't give a shit about so many things.

My list off the top of my head:

Underwired bras
Going out on an evening ever!
100% corporate management BS (sadly I work in Financial Services so can't escape this!)
Putting up with my mothers' BS, have finally gone no contact
Any person/couple who socially drains you
Schools trying to get out of SEN legal obligations
Agree to any plans that won't work for my neurodiverse son

I have time these days for my DH and DS, everyone else can go swivel!

I'd say the one about not offending people. I guess I would know what to say and to whom without offending anyone. And still expressing my beliefs. So I've not encountered that. Other than on forums etc.
The rest I'm with you pretty much.

Mine are..( things I've changed in my 40s not just CBA but same idea)

Never ever wearing jeans again, especially not with a nice top or sensible blouse . Lol. Reminds me of work.

Never wearing a bra. My costocondritis has not returned since!

Not wearing hells as my bones will break.

Saying no to things much more willingly and assertively.

Now being much, much nicer to waiters, hospitality workers etc who've made a mistake (I had a shorter temper when I was young. In fact I was sometimes rude. Very ashamed about that)

All of the above. Also heels.

Completely agree with this too 😁

Thank you OP for this thread!
What a revelation! All the antidepressants can go in the bin! I don't really have a problem at all! I just can't give a fuck about anything anymore. This is truly freeing!

Pretending to want to go to a spa. No. I just don't want to go, so I'm not going. I sometimes get given the advice of "take yourself off to a spa for a day of self care and pampering" and now I don't say "ooh, yes, sounds nice" and instead I say "no, I don't want to to sit about in a dressing gown or swimsuit feeling slightly too hot whilst avoiding having a facial or massage from someone I don't know and therefore don't want to be touched by"

I gave up caring what people thought of my appearance. I wear whatever I wish. Recently bought a calf length black jumper and relish the fact it envelopes and enfolds me like a gigantic cosy liquorice chew.

Gave up on haircuts years ago. I mean, I will go once a year to get the dead bits cut off. I just don't want to entertain discussions about styles and so on. Please, hairdresser. I sit in front of you in a gigantic liquorice chew shaped jumper, do i strike you as someone who wants a complicated and high effort cut? No. Just take it to my shoulders and i will see you next year.

I can't be bothered with a lot of things.

Most men are boring. I struggle to see the visual appeal of most of the famous ones who are under the age of 35 to be honest. Too young. Dont get the hype.

I've stopped trying to fix people. If they need help, and I can help, I'll try. If they just want a moan I can listen. I won't take on other people's burdens though. Thankless task.

I just can't be bothered making new friends. I'm friendly with others but not looking to gain more friends. I have about 10, that's fine.

I think I've just had enough of trying to people please and serve people.

Since turning 50, I have 3 states of mind:

Fuck that (eg: stupid work demands; socialising unless I know you really well, there are snacks and I can sit down; underwired bras; bothering with social media; pandering)
Fuck off (pronouns/the pore menz)
FFS (pretty much everything else)

Mansplaining and being patronised. I have quite a few male 'bosses' but now I just say 'Yes, I've just told you that' or 'You don't need to explain my own summary to me' if they start wanging on. Last week one was trying to tell me how to do something on Excel and I said 'Do you mean by using the formula I showed you last year?' I can't be bothered to be polite anymore.