Kids missing school and I’m the worst mum ever.

[Hagpie]

I need advice. My oldest used to have lots of tummy issues which meant she missed school. Last year it kind of just resolved itself which is great because doctors really didn’t know what was wrong.

I was thinking great! No more missed days ….and now I’m the problem. I have had such terrible pain and weakness in my joints particularly my wrists, knuckles and knees dating back to 2017. I mean like sometimes I cannot not lift a pillow or close the palms of my hands or walk because my leg will just buckle. When I am getting the baby out of bed I will sometimes scoot on my bum down the stairs.

I had gone to the doctors and they gave me some very helpful pills but by the time I got referred to a specialist, I was heavily pregnant. The doctor told me my symptoms were very worrying and the bones in my right hand were “softening.” However being pregnant lessened some of my symptoms and besides, she said she was too scared to touch me and none of the medicines she could give me were suitable for a pregnant person. Shortly after I gave birth we had to move but it was fine as my symptoms have only showed up for one or two days a year since then. Until December 2023.

So far in 2024 my children have missed about 6 days of school because of me. I just had a good cry because they’re doing so well in school and I feel like I’m ruining it. They missed today and might not be in tomorrow because I might not be capable of walking them to school. Their dad is at work for 6am and this is inflexible.

If it’s anything like last time, I’m about 18 months from another specialist appointment if I can ever get another GP appointment in the first place. I feel like a failure and it’s really embarrassing because on the outside I look incredibly fit and on good days, have jogged the school run. I just don’t know what to do and the kids don’t understand why mummy can’t grip a brush to do their hair some days.

As people keep saying; PIP, PIP, PIP.

Where does it say in that document that the council will pay for taxis for children in the OP's situation?

And if you also have a 1 yo do you have a health visitor?

In these circumstances I'd be getting DH to have fortnightly psychotherapy sessions. You need a bit of an emergency kitty.

I volunteered as a support worker for 4 years and as you can imagine, the disabled are over-represented in the homeless community. If you know nothing about it then all I can say is PIP is a long old process and definitely will not going to help me any time soon. I think 6/10 applications are rejected the first time too even if you’re actually dying and have all the paperwork. I can absolutely get the ball rolling but thinking I will have any extra money before autumn is unrealistic. I have helped fill out many of these applications and it’s a fight almost every time.

It's going to be a couple of miles away given the taxi costs, our school would be calling the parents and raising a concern before year 6. We walk just shy of a mile in 20 minutes , I hate to think how long 8 yo DS would take to walk twice that each eay

@Hagpie I’m so glad to read that you’re going to get medical help and ask the school for support. I have similar health issues to you and the medication from the rheumatologist together with getting a mobility scooter, gave me my life back. Sending you and your family best wishes!

I was a PIP Assessor and I think you should apply. The sooner you do it the better really.

@MiltonNorthern I presumed your original response was to my assertion that the school would do whatever it took to help the OP get her children into school; I obviously misunderstood.

There is still a good chance the council will pay for taxis to and from school- it depends on exactly how far away the school is and if the OP's children are eligible for FSM.

No, I was responding to where you said 'the council will pay'. I also don't know of any connection between FSM and school transport - where does it say that?

Speak to your school, they hopefully will be able to set up arrangements to collect your children. Can a friend do it? Family?

Is using a wheelchair a suitable option for the journey to school?

No free school meals. When I last looked I think you had to be earning about £4K or less. If that figure has gone up slightly then it still wouldn’t apply to us now.

Maybe an electric one? There is a really steep bit of a hill that might make a manual (?) one a bit tricky otherwise.

I used my late great-grandad’s walking stick for a bit and I reckon there would be similar problems; it would take weight off my knees but put it onto my hands. Funnily enough, he mostly refused to use it as they were “for old people.” 😂 Loved that man!

https://www.gov.uk/free-school-transport

Thank you

Contact the home school link worker at your children’s school. They may be able to set up some support for the children getting to/ from school. Citizens Advice Bureau would also be a good place to start with getting some support for you

Is there a class WhatsApp group? You could message and ask if anyone is passing nearby and could walk your kids to school. I think lots of people would be happy to help in this situation.

It sounds like you are in a very difficult place just now. I also think reaching out for help on class WhatsApp groups would be a good idea, or a school/local fb group.

Also, why not post on Freecycle/Gumtree for a mobility scooter, if you have space to store one? A few years ago I struggled to give one away as most people were being funded to buy them new.

Have got a diagnosis OP? It just sounded like you didn't. If you do have something in writing then that combined with your description of your symptoms should be sufficient evidence of disability (a physical or a mental condition which has a substantial and long-term impact on your ability to do normal day to day activities) and therefore access to help for both you in the home and getting the kids to school.

It sounds a lot like Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (which a friend has - the symptoms do vary and fluctuate a lot as it's an immune system disorder). If you don't have a diagnosis it's worth reading up on it as it's quite under-diagnosed and especially in women.

This is an astounding post…
The parents have this duty of care, in the first instance!
The solution (particularly regarding travel expenses) must come from them, not the bloody school.
What sort of muppet genuinely imagines their child’s school is obligated to provide taxis because between the child’s two parents, they can’t work out an alternative to the child simply missing school?
Unbelievable.

The astounding part of this post is that you can’t grasp that at times OP physically cannot get them there. What would you like her to do, fly them in via helicopter?

There is another parent in the mix.
He needs to either rearrange his working hours or earn more to pay for any services they need.
Like the rest of us, really.

In my hospital there is only 1 rheumatologist appointments are 2 year wait no matter what auto immune condition or need

You can get second hand electric scooter for a few hundred pounds perhaps the answer is cancelling a couple of counselling sessions for your DH and buying one for the long term good.
Asking for a pain clinic referral is also a good start to comping.