Page 13 | Is this odd for me to ask? - DSs girlfriend?

Isthisweirdthough · 2024-03-14T22:08:01+00:00

Ds has been with this absolutely lovely girl for around a year now. I adore her. I managed to get 2 --very good-- tickets for a band I love, and I know that she loves them too. The tickets were expensive so I want to take a fan. Is it odd to ask her? I've bought tickets for ds, her and me to go to a couple of things before and its been fine, but this would be me and her alone. It would involve travelling and an overnight stay. This is my sons first serious relationship and I really want to include her in stuff, but don't want to be too overbearing either. Would you feel weird if your boyfriends mum took you to a gig alone?

CountessWindyBottom · 18/03/2024 10:08

Awww, you sound so lovely OP! And your future DIL sounds equally lovely and it was so nice to hear how warm and receptive she was to the idea. You sound like you have a lovely relationship. Have a wonderful time at TT!

T1Dmama · 18/03/2024 10:58

Isthisweirdthough · 14/03/2024 22:26

I'm not sure she will feel obliged to say yes, at Xmas time I had a conversation with her and I explained I've never done this parenting an adult thing, especially one in a relationship, and had a good old chat about stuff, so she knows she never has to feel obliged to do anything and I'll never take offence.

And she bought me a beautiful necklace with 'family' engraved into it which was so sweet of her, and I know they are looking to move in together after summer, so I really just want to include her (just enough, but not too much so Im overbearing though).

Maybe I'll message her and ask if she got tickets, and I know she will say no, and I'll tell her I have 2 but not sure who to take then she can either say herself, or suggest someone else?

I would ask her if she fancies going and explain the overnight thing etc (don’t say you’ve already booked it) and go from there!
I think it’s lovely and wish my ex’s partners made effort

ClarafromHR · 18/03/2024 12:43

Love this thread!

Solibear · 18/03/2024 14:55

Isthisweirdthough · 15/03/2024 18:19

She responded in 3 seconds flat 🤣

Yes she is coming, she said if she's on shift she will simply quit her job. I told her it's all my treat, and she has said she will buy the wine and will get us Tshirts. She is very excited and not weirded out at all.

So I managed to create a massive drama in my head about absolutely nothing.

Thank you all, I am so excited about this gig, and so happy I'm going with another massive fan.

Love this! Excellent outcome all round!

Bugbabe1970 · 18/03/2024 15:53

Isthisweirdthough · 14/03/2024 22:15

She's 22, we do go for coffee or lunch on a semi regular basis without ds.

Ds wouldn't be coming because I don't have a ticket for him, he wouldn't enjoy it anyway.

I've booked a 2 roomed apartment anyway, I'll take one of my other dc if its a bad idea to ask her, they aren't keen on the band and I know she loves them which is why I thought of her. I just don't want her to think I'm 'that' kind of MIL(ish).

Based on this update it’s a lovely idea. It’s not wieird at all- mumsnet can be very weird sometimes!!

pleasecallmeback · 18/03/2024 16:09

Damn! I read the whole thread and was just about to suggest that I go with you if she said no. But she didn’t 😂😂😂 Enjoy the show, it’s a lot of money but Take That do put on a great display, I’m very enviou.

Hecatoncheires · 18/03/2024 16:34

How lovely! What a great outcome, OP. Hope you both have the very best time.

BrickPombear · 18/03/2024 17:57

Isthisweirdthough · 15/03/2024 18:19

She responded in 3 seconds flat 🤣

Yes she is coming, she said if she's on shift she will simply quit her job. I told her it's all my treat, and she has said she will buy the wine and will get us Tshirts. She is very excited and not weirded out at all.

So I managed to create a massive drama in my head about absolutely nothing.

Thank you all, I am so excited about this gig, and so happy I'm going with another massive fan.

I'm so pleased! You sound so lovely and uou had some pretty hard comments come your way, have a great time!

lovealotbear · 18/03/2024 19:23

Thats a lovely outcome. I think even if the relationship is not the one, the gf will remember your kindness. We should all do more acts of kindness like this especially to the you gr generation and hopefully they will remember and pass on. Makes the world a nicer place.

Original poster

Isthisweirdthough · 18/03/2024 21:58

MN definitely can be a bit strange, I was expecting a few "that's a little too much", but horrendous and creepy were a bit far, I felt 🤣

@pleasecallmeback I can try and smuggle you in my bag if you like, if we get caught on the way in you're on your own though 🤣

DIL(ish) is, indeed, very lovely, she brings out the best in my lovely son too, which is great to see, that's all any of us want for our kids I suppose, to be happy in whatever way they choose. I'm just thankful ds chose to be happy with a Take That fan 🤣

Thanks again for all the lovely posts 💐

OP posts:

Nanaof1 · 19/03/2024 06:00

Isthisweirdthough · 15/03/2024 20:59

I'm so delighted she is coming, we have been messaging backwards and forwards and she asked how long I had been stressing about asking her to come 🤣

I think she maybe knows me too well.

I am so very happy for you both!

Have a wonderful time! 👏

Thepowerofwhodoo · 19/03/2024 06:19

What a load of anti-social fun sponges on this thread.
It was a lovely gesture and I hope you both have a great time.

Givingmytwocents · 19/03/2024 10:34

Scarletttulips · 14/03/2024 22:36

If it’s not til Christmas you son can ask for time off as precooked holiday.

Why don't you ask your son what he thinks about it. He will know his girlfriend pretty well. I wouldn't just surprise her with it, as as someone said, she might feel obliged to go.

Givingmytwocents · 19/03/2024 10:35

Why don't you ask your son what he thinks about it. He will know his girlfriend pretty well. I wouldn't just surprise her with it, as as someone said, she might feel obliged to go.

Daisyblue2 · 19/03/2024 23:44

Fantastic outcome, you sound like a lovely person

Hurrythefkup · 20/03/2024 01:04

I have 3 DC/SO and I wouldn’t do this. My kids would think it was weird. Give her the tickets as a gift. She can invite who she wants. Maybe she’ll choose you.

Nanaof1 · 20/03/2024 04:39

Hurrythefkup · 20/03/2024 01:04

I have 3 DC/SO and I wouldn’t do this. My kids would think it was weird. Give her the tickets as a gift. She can invite who she wants. Maybe she’ll choose you.

Well, since it's already a solved issue, I guess what you wouldn't do is not the right answer in this case.

Next time, try RTWT. 🙄

Original poster

Isthisweirdthough · 20/03/2024 08:04

Hurrythefkup · 20/03/2024 01:04

I have 3 DC/SO and I wouldn’t do this. My kids would think it was weird. Give her the tickets as a gift. She can invite who she wants. Maybe she’ll choose you.

Thanks again for all the lovely messages 💐

I absolutely wouldn't be giving my ticket up, I didn't buy them for her, I bought them for me, she is coming along though, which is amazing.

Genuinely though, why would your kids think it's weird if you have your own relationship with their partner?

In my head it feels normal to have an independent relationship. My kids have their own relationships with my partner and they sometimes go and do things alone, and, in my mind, this is the same sort of thing.

I hope, one day, if I have grandkids I will have my own relationship with them not based around my DS, and I would love that relationship with all my future DILs (if my kids choose marriage) where I can just invite them for coffee, or nip by for a chat, or be on hand to help if my DS or DDs are away and it's needed.

I see her as her own person, not an extention of my DS.

I would genuinely love to know why those who think it's weird or that I should back off think that way, and how long I should back off for?

OP posts:

T1Dmama · 20/03/2024 09:21

Isthisweirdthough · 20/03/2024 08:04

Thanks again for all the lovely messages 💐

I absolutely wouldn't be giving my ticket up, I didn't buy them for her, I bought them for me, she is coming along though, which is amazing.

Genuinely though, why would your kids think it's weird if you have your own relationship with their partner?

In my head it feels normal to have an independent relationship. My kids have their own relationships with my partner and they sometimes go and do things alone, and, in my mind, this is the same sort of thing.

I hope, one day, if I have grandkids I will have my own relationship with them not based around my DS, and I would love that relationship with all my future DILs (if my kids choose marriage) where I can just invite them for coffee, or nip by for a chat, or be on hand to help if my DS or DDs are away and it's needed.

I see her as her own person, not an extention of my DS.

I would genuinely love to know why those who think it's weird or that I should back off think that way, and how long I should back off for?

Show quote history

I don’t think it’s weird at all. I think it’s lovely. My sister goes off and does things with her sons girlfriend and her husband takes their daughters BF out hunting with the daughter…

I think it’s lovely and maybe if more people made this effort there would be less posts in mumsnet moaning about Mil’s

Chunkycookie · 20/03/2024 09:32

Op, I am still good friends with my first proper boyfriends mum. She’s actually my children’s god mother. We broke up 24 years ago when I was 20, we were together for two years.

She’s 20 years older than me. I lost my own mum in childhood and I’ve got a crap MIL, she’s a godsend, such a wonderful woman. It’s a shame that me and her son didn’t work out, she would have been a great MIL! (There was no drama, we were young, people move on, it wasn’t some horrific break up).

I haven’t actually had any contact with her son in all that time, he moved aboard. We were facebook friends for a few years until I ditched social media.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 20/03/2024 10:04

Chunkycookie · 20/03/2024 09:32

Op, I am still good friends with my first proper boyfriends mum. She’s actually my children’s god mother. We broke up 24 years ago when I was 20, we were together for two years.

She’s 20 years older than me. I lost my own mum in childhood and I’ve got a crap MIL, she’s a godsend, such a wonderful woman. It’s a shame that me and her son didn’t work out, she would have been a great MIL! (There was no drama, we were young, people move on, it wasn’t some horrific break up).

I haven’t actually had any contact with her son in all that time, he moved aboard. We were facebook friends for a few years until I ditched social media.

That’s so lovely!!

I adore my SO’s mother. She isn’t perfect (obviously) and I do understand why my DP finds her quite annoying (well, a lot of work) occasionally.

But the woman is just so genuinely nice and caring. Wants the best for her DC, her other DC’s DD/her grandchildren and has just been so incredibly welcoming to me from the very beginning.

And she’s easygoing / uncomplicated and energetic. A real joy to be around. And non-judgemental.

massive contrast to my own mother. Love the woman but she is rather the opposite of easygoing, welcoming, uncomplicated, non-judgemental or energetic.

MarkSloaneComeBack · 20/03/2024 10:37

OP!! I genuinely can not understand the hate you have received on this thread!

You sound absolutely lovely and would love my Son to have a MIL like yours!

Original poster

Isthisweirdthough · 20/03/2024 13:23

I absolutely love reading these posts about lovely MILs and lovely exes Mums as well ❤️

I was definitely expecting some people to say its too much, that's why I asked, and to get advice on the best way to go about asking, but I really can't understand why some are acting like I had just asked if I can kill her puppy or something 🤣

Nothing can destroy my happiness anyway, I'm off to see Take That, you may all refer to me as Howard's Wife from now on 🤣

OP posts:

Blades2 · 21/03/2024 19:22

I would love to go if I was her
i don’t think it’s weird since you guys go for coffee / lunch without DS
Maybe run it by your DS first?

Original poster

Isthisweirdthough · 07/05/2024 13:36

Hi everyone, just a little update.

We had a fantastic time at Take That, Howard, sadly, didn't fall in love with me (or he was playing hard to get) she really is an amazing young lady and it was great to spend some time with her, and, in other exciting news, she is now engaged to my son. I'm absolutely delighted for both of them.

Thanks again for all your advice.

OP posts:

Is this odd for me to ask? - DSs girlfriend?

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