Is this odd for me to ask? - DSs girlfriend?

[Isthisweirdthough]

Ds has been with this absolutely lovely girl for around a year now. I adore her.

I managed to get 2 very good tickets for a band I love, and I know that she loves them too. The tickets were expensive so I want to take a fan.

Is it odd to ask her? I've bought tickets for ds, her and me to go to a couple of things before and its been fine, but this would be me and her alone.

It would involve travelling and an overnight stay.

This is my sons first serious relationship and I really want to include her in stuff, but don't want to be too overbearing either.

Would you feel weird if your boyfriends mum took you to a gig alone?

I think it is too much too soon. Lots of pressure for such a recent relationship. Try to be sure if your son is happy for you getting this close to his girlfriend.

Yes it's odd. I think it has the potential of skewing the relationship she has with your son.
Wait until she and your son are in a firm relationship - married or cohabiting - and then that would be ok imo

Honestly this is so lovely and I’m so glad she said yes!
Have a wonderful time :)

Thanks all, I asked and she said yes already, she's absolutely fine with the sleeping arrangements.

I didn't check in with her before I bought them because I was going with someone regardless, they came up on resale and I snapped them up quickly. I thought about it properly after I bought them.

I was worried about asking because I worry about everything, it's who I am as a person really 🤣

I'm not waiting to get to know her until I've decided they are serious enough for my liking, neither her, nor my son have any pressure from me about anything. If this lasts for another 6 months or a lifetime with them then I'm not going to regret getting to know a lovely young lady who is very important to my son. He's not going to feel awful because I made an effort with someone he loves either, and she seems comfortable enough with things as they are. I really try to get everything balanced correctly with all my kids, and I do think I achieve it most of the time, and when I don't they know they can tell me so and I'll stop/back off/do whatever it takes to make everyone comfortable and happy.

Thanks again for all the lovely words and advice 💐

OP I am thrilled it worked out for you - you sound like a lovely “MIL” and I think it’s great that you’re making an effort to get to know her as her own person rather than just your son’s girlfriend. I laughed out loud at her comment about quitting her job 😂 Hope you have an awesome time!

This thread and the ending made me smile so much!
You sound like a wonderful mum and a dream come true MIL!
I hope you both have a wonderful time x

Definitely not odd, you sound like a lovely MILish! Enjoy the concert, and your friendship with her.

Hooray!! I'm so glad to hear she gave a resounding "yes"!

I can't believe the replies that suggest you're weird/unusual/overbearing/whatever negative thing for this. Wanting a positive relationship (and yes, even friendship!) with the person your child loves is the most normal thing!

You remind me of myself, @Isthisweirdthough . Massive overthinker! And my child is still very little, but I often wonder about their future and who they will eventually fall in love with. All I ever want is for them to be happy, and hopefully that will mean choosing to spend their life with someone who loves them as much as we do! If my wife and I also happened to get on with them and love them too, then that would be the cherry on top!

P.s. You're also very funny. 😂

Go for it. Enjoy! You are both lucky to have that relationship, wish I did!

Just read your update. So lovely!

Who would you go with if she didn't like the band? Did you get them because you knew she liked them and you want to show her you're a nice, potential mother-in-law? I think you're trying too hard. Saying you 'adore her' is a bit creepy tbh.

Just to say you sound absolutely lovely. Your maybe-DIL is very lucky to have such a thoughtful, kind, sort-of-MIL. Hope the gig is amazing!

@Isthisweirdthough

OP, people are so strange to make out that any of this is weird! You sound like a fantastic MIL!! And yes it’s perfectly ok to say MIL, it’s just an easy way to describe things! I’m engaged to be married very soon and yet my MIL has called me her DIL for so long. For some pedantic people it’s a ‘lawful’ term… for the rest of us it’s a descriptive term of endearment!

I would have loved my MIL to offer something like this for me! We absolutely would also share a room and probably pack some face masks and wine and snacks whilst getting ready, then go for breaky together the next day!

Having a DIL you adore so much is like a bonus daughter- how lovely for you both. Something we could all only hope for!
So many threads moan about when their sons have babies they are closer to the maternal side of the family, but building such wonderful relationships with your children’s partners, can help support the paternal side too!

Moreover, people separate all the time. So what if you’re close to your child’s partner and then they separate- then you just all get in with it. It’s life! But what a shame to only be one foot in and miss out on such lovely times for the sake of ‘what ifs’! People are crackers on here… stay sane and enjoy!

Have fun at your gig!

Wonderful response! ❤️

@Middleagedspreadisreal if you read the thread then you'll get the answer to your questions, I honestly don't know whether to be offended or delighted that you've deemed me creepy without reading the full thread. I don't think I've ever been called creepy before. That said, I haven't been 2 rows back from Howard Donald before so I'll revisit that statement after May 🤣

@JayJayEl Its exhausting being an overthinker, isn't it. Back when he lived here my son went off to get me a surprise that involved a bit of travel to pick up. Because he was acting a bit off my mind went into overdrive, I was practising my reaction to every possible scenario, so when he came and told me whatever the news was I would react appropriately and go off later and cry or throw up 🤣 when he showed up with the gift later that night I was all set for everything to him being arrested and let out on bail to him getting someone pregnant to him deciding he was upping sticks and moving to Australia 🤣

@MommaDuck I'm so glad you have such a lovely MIL, I also find it strange that people will hold off getting to know their own kids partners properly in case they break up. To me that's like saying there's no point in dating in case you break up, or making friends in case you fall out. It's not up to me to decide how serious they are, or when she is part of this family, it's my job to support my kids, he loves her, so she's important to me too, and I do adore her (in a non creepy way of course).

Thanks everyone, I'll come back and update with full details of my restraining order after the gig 💐 I really do appreciate all your lovely words.

I think that’s a lovely idea. Ask her but tell her you wouldn’t be offended if she didn’t want to come, you have others you can ask but you know she loves the band and wondered if she would like to come?

OP you sound amazing and a fantastic 'future' MIL 🙂

What a lovely thread. You sound so kind and thoughtful! I hope you and your DS' girlfriend have an amazing time. Please do update the thread after the concert.

Op I suspect we are around the same age, but I'd really like you to adopt me as your dil.

I think it's a brilliant idea. Maybe say you thought she would like to go but if she'd rather not, you may be able to take someone else.

Some of these replies sound crazy to me! I can't believe people are saying it's weird..it's healthy! Perhaps these people haven't had a warm, loving MIL. I am mid twenties, been with my boyfriend a year and a half almost and his mum and I would do this. We meet up almost weekly! To some a year and a half may sound like not much time but you really do bond even then. You also can't just wait around until they've been together longer in case they split up..that's ridiculous!!
You sound lovely OP. Only you know your relationship with her, you're clearly quite close so don't listen to a lot of the people on here! I'm sure she feels lucky to have a 'MIL' like you

Ahhh I've loved reading your posts OP. Ignore those who have made this into something more than it is. You sound like a lovely woman

When I first met my MIL 18 years ago she was so kind to me and we spent time having lunches and such. She's now like a second mum to me and I love her to pieces. We have two boys who she adores and only hope I'll have a great relationship with my far off DILs too!

Sounds like you're setting yourself up for a lovely relationship with her

Ohhh me too. And I'm also going to Take That in April so may see you there! Haha

I'll adopt you all (I do have a single son and 2 single dds so will likely have 3 other DILs at some point, can't wait until there's 4 of them to stress about 🤣) but theres plenty room in my family for everyone. Kettles always on around here too.

These stories of lovely MILs are really making me smile, it's really heartwarming to see the effort that's lots of MILs put in.

It makes it even sadder that so many seem to go out of their way to make their DILs feel excluded though. I'm so sorry to everyone who's been through/still going through this 💐

You sound lovely, it’s a great idea. If you are unsure about approaching her direct go through your son. Whatever have a wonderful time.